A 100% Trump-Free Show, Vol. 2 | The Daily Show


From Comedy Central’s World News Headquarters
in New York, “The Daily Show
with Trevor Noah” presents… ♪ ♪ [hip-hop music] [patriotic music] – A man who migrated
from West Africa to Paris, he’s now being hailed a hero after a daring Spider-Man-style
rescue of a four-year-old. This is some amateur video
that captured the boy dangling from an apartment
balcony on Saturday. 22-year-old Mamoudou Gassama
jumped into action. He scaled the building,
climbed to the fifth floor just in time
to save the boy’s life. The French president rewarded
him with a French citizenship, and a job as a firefighter. – Yeah, wow. [cheers and applause]
Wow. You know, no matter how much
I see that video, I’m still shocked
every single time. That dude is amazing. Like, I wouldn’t climb
that high for my own baby. You know?
Just be like, “Jump. Daddy will catch you.”
I don’t know. And, although
I am proud of him, I’m a bit disappointed
that he gave the game away for other Africans. Like, you can’t let
white people know that we can do
that kind of stuff. And you know, for me, oh,
the best part of this video is, it shows you why every
country needs immigrants because they work
so much harder. Because, I don’t know
if you noticed this, but at the bottom of the video,
there’s a white guy who’s also trying to climb up. [laughs] [laughing] He’s just like, “[grunts].” [laughs] Yeah. Yeah. That’s the result
of ten generations eating croissants
and puff pastries. That’s what that is. [hip-hop music] One man just brought new
meaning to the phrase “I’ll never let go.” – It was the viral video
so wild it almost seemed
hard to believe– a man clinging to a car speeding down
a Florida highway at nearly 70 miles per hour, holding on for dear life
for nearly 15 minutes. But it was very real
for Junior Francis and his ex-girlfriend
behind the wheel. [cheers and applause] – I feel like this is one
of those math problems. A car is traveling at 70 miles
per hour for 15 minutes with a guy on the hood–
where are they? Answer: Florida. [cheers and applause] And can I tell you–can I tell
you what I find amazing, is how calm
that dude’s 911 call is. He’s so relaxed. Meanwhile, whenever we find out
about some white lady calling the cops, she’s like,
“Dear, God, help! “There’s a black girl
selling water! Please, 911!”
And this guy’s like, “Hello, ma’am,
I hate to bother you, “but I’m currently atop
a car hood, “traveling at a rather
high veloci– Yes, I’ll hold. I’ll hold.” [twangy country music] ♪ ♪ Some news stories
help us understand the world we live in,
and some news stories are just stupid. For those, we
turn to Ronny Chieng. [upbeat music] ♪ ♪ – Thanks, Trevor. Everyone always says
they want to be rich, but be careful
what you wish for, because sometimes
you can get so rich, you start doing dumb shit
like this. – Silicon Valley is famous
for its eccentric homes and outlandish property values, but the newest status symbol
in the neighborhood is the chicken coop. – Scott Vanderlip’s chickens
make themselves right at home. – Are you gonna come
in the house? – The software engineer
believes he’s found the perfect antidote
to computers and code and has the big data
to prove he’s not alone. – There are thousands,
maybe 10,000 chicken coops in Silicon Valley.
I mean, there are– – 10,000?
– There are a lot of coops. – That’s right,
Silicon Valley millionaires are adopting chickens as pets, because what do you get
the person who has everything? Mm, how about bird flu? – The birds sometimes get
a break from eating bugs with treats like melons
and salmon. Caring for the chickens
is a family affair. – Justin and I, like, we will
come home in the evening after a stressful day at work
and pull up our chairs and just, like, sit here and
watch the chickens go crazy. – Yeah, I don’t think
the chickens are the ones going crazy, all right. You’re the ones drinking wine
and watching birds poop on your lawn like it’s
Shakespeare in the Park. You’re Silicon Valley!
What are you doing? You gave the world YouTube
and Netflix, remember? You can’t invite people over
to chicken and chill. And it turns out,
these people don’t even care about the animals–
they’re just showing off. – For the Valley’s
growing community of backyard farmers,
the investment in heritage birds pays off in a status symbol of sorts; colorful eggs that can be
given as gifts to friends. – Yeah, what a great gift. I love when I’m having
a Super Bowl party and my rich friend brings over
raw, pale, green eggs. Even the chickens must be like,
“What are you doing? “Those came out of
my chicken pussy and now you’re handing them out
like Cuban cigars?” [laughter] Listen, if rich people
want to own chickens like third-world farmers,
whatever, right. The problem is when rich people
pretend to be poor, they’re still spending
way too much money doing it. – Online, companies
are hatching plans for do-it-yourselfers to build stylish
backyard coops. – I built this–this coop,
especially for them. – Laura Menard’s custom built
chicken coops have antique stained glass
windows and detailing added
by a master carpenter. Do you think your chickens
are happier in there than they might be
in some similar coop? – Well, I-I–no,
I don’t think they care. [laughter] – You don’t think they care? I know they don’t care.
All right? They’re chickens! Oh, and by the way, if you’re thinking about
getting into this new chicken craze,
I got some bad news. You’re already too late. – I always tell people,
chickens are actually just the gateway drug
to beekeeping. Beekeeping is the new thing,
you know. – Are you suggesting
that sometime soon, somebody’s gonna say to me,
“Backyard chickens? That’s so 2018”?
– Exactly! [laughter] – That’s Silicon Valley
for you. “Hey, you just bought
that new thing? “Boom! It’s obsolete. “You like chickens?
Well, [bleep] you. It’s bees now.” But you know what, Trevor?
I see what’s happening here. Okay, we’re just going further
down the evolutionary chain. That’s why I’ve already
invested in the next, next trendy pet, all right. I’m talking about leeches! That’s right, Silicon Valley! Make like one of these guys
and suck it! – Bert and Ernie are beloved
“Sesame Street” characters, but the question
on everyone’s mind this week was if that segment was brought
to you by the letters LGBTQ. – We are back now
with Bert and Ernie and the burning question
this morning: Are they best friends
or something more? – The question was raised
publicly by a recent interview with former “Sesame Street”
writer Mark Saltzman. Saltzman,
who joined the show in 1984, responded in part: Saltzman’s recollection
set it off on social media and brought responses
from Sesame Workshop, declaring in part
that Bert and Ernie… – Wait, Muppets don’t have
a sexual orientation? Uh, that’s weird
because I know for a fact that Kermit and Miss Piggy
smash hard. That’s what I–I know. I know this. They– [cheers and applause] They even did an episode
when the Count counted
all their sex positions. He was like, “One,
reverse cowgirl. “Two, Sudanese jackhammer. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.” Now, I don’t really know
if Bert and Ernie are gay, ’cause I mean, on the one hand,
two guys living together for 40 years
could mean they’re gay, but it could also just be
that they live in New York and apartments are expensive. And also, if they were gay,
let’s be honest: that eyebrow would have been
addressed by now. Would have been dealt with. [cheers and applause] But let’s move on. Let’s move on because a school
superintendent in Texas did something racist. – A Texas school
superintendent’s job may be on the line
after he made a racist remark about Houston Texan’s
quarterback, Deshaun Watson. On a Facebook post
about the Texans, Onalaska ISD superintendent
Lynn Redden wrote, “When you need precision
decision-making, you can’t count
on a black quarterback.” Well, parents whose kids
attend this school district were quick to come out against
Redden’s comment. – I think he needs to be
checked out for that. That needs to be addressed. – You think
that comment’s racist? – It sure sounds like it to me. [laughter] – Okay, I’m–I’m gonna
be honest. I didn’t expect that accent to say something woke. I’m not gonna lie. Like, I watched that clip, thinking I was gonna see
a story about a racist, and it turns out,
I’m the racist, because that was great.
He’s right. Like, now I’m imagining
that there’s an entire crew of Southern progressives
just running around like, [Southern accent]
“Hey, boy! “We don’t take kindly
to racists around here! “This here is tolerance
country, you heard? “And by the way,
congratulations “to Bert and Ernie.
Live your truth, boys! Yee-ha!” [rock music] – Staten Island, a place famous
for mob wives, spray tans, and cheese sticks. But there’s more
to the wild life here than just beefed-up
sleeve haters. So I met up with park ranger
Sarah Aucoin to find out more. – There actually are a lot
of wild animals here. We have a big population
of deer, actually, in Staten Island. – You may have heard of “deer” when they went viral
last August, or from that popular
Snapchat filter. Adorable, right? Wrong. – You know, in this case,
there– there can be too much of a–
of a good thing. The deer population
can grow larger than the environment
can support, and that’s something
we definitely want to control. – In six years, Staten Island
went from 24 deer to nearly 1,000,
leading to Lyme disease, property damage, and
the destruction of several suped-up Nissan Maximas. All right, so how are we gonna
take care of this? Kentucky-style?
[imitates shotgun cocking] – We’re not taking
any lethal action. We’re gonna be performing
vasectomies. – Sure.
That’s the– Yeah, that’s the obvious
solution to the problem. That would be the first thing
that one would think of. – Well, honestly, it is–
it is a little bit outside of the box. – Way outside the box, and this raises
one pressing question. Woman to woman, when you cut their dicks off,
does it feel good? – Actually,
I have to correct you. We’re not castrating them. And, in fact,
we’re not gonna do it. We’re hiring a contractor who has expertise
in this area, Tony Denicola. – Oh, so you got a guy, Tony. – I got a guy, Tony. – Is it check and loan Tony? – No.
– Free gas for handies Tony? – This is not the same Tony.
– Different Tony? So I met up
with dick-slayer Tony, Tony Denicola. Did you always know
that you wanted to neuter deer, or did you lose a bet? – Uh, no, it’s a lot more
complicated than that. – Uh, yeah, Tony’s plan
involved cameras, tracking, and–yes! I knew it!
A gun! Is it pretty precise when you
shoot their dicks off? – Um, we’re not that good. – Ugh. Turns out, they’re
gonna tranquilize them and give them operations. There’s just one problem. – This idea is nuts. – Meet deer expert
Al Cambronne. – For this to work,
we’d need to capture nearly all those bucks, and if only, say 20% remain, then we’ll still have
lots of fawns next spring. – So they’re gonna still… – Yeah.
And one buck can happily breed many does. – Well, Staten Island.
– Yeah. Another problem is that
deer can swim. Bucks are going to be coming
from New Jersey. – Bridge and tunnel deer
are the worst. – And we’ll be right back
where we started. – And it gets worse! This is gonna cost $2 million! That’s, like,
over $5,000 a dick. – Relative to the cost
of not doing anything, we think it’s a really wise
investment. – One more problem
with the vasectomy plan… – Oh, Jesus. – Every fall,
there’s deer mating season, what we call “the rut” Does that don’t become
pregnant, they’ll be back in heat. Things get wild out there. – Like a two-month
[bleep] frenzy. – Exactly. – Or, like,
summer Bible camp. – Yeah. – Time to come up with a more realistic solution. Have you thought about
introducing Japanese deer sex dolls? – Well… That’s a possibility. – Worked for my husband. – Hmm.
– Won’t even look at me now. – Deer are, during the rut…
– Nothing. It’s like, I just had a baby.
– Interested in only one thing. – And your body changes,
and biologically, things are a little bit
different. And when you nurse,
things happen to your body and you don’t even want to know
what happens down there after having the baby. It’s like sometimes a woman
just needs attention. Sure, Al was a great listener,
but he had no solutions. But you know who might? Good old-fashioned
salt of the Earth Staten Islanders. – Take down those [bleep]
with a baseball bat. – We should get some [bleep]
mountain lions over here. – This plan is gonna cost
$2 million. – $2 million?
Give me and Rob a million, and we’ll take care of it. – We’ll take care of it
ourselves Every deer on Staten Island. I’ll wait in a treestand
every night, and I’ll get every deer,
guaranteed. – I’ll put them right
in the headlock with my arms. – You look like
Christina Aguilera. Are you her? – No, I’m not
Christina Aguilera. – Oh, okay. – I got a few solutions.
– What are they? – Me and you… Jump in my car,
go back to my place. – That’s when I realized
we had the perfect solution this whole time, just for a different
Staten Island problem. Finally, time to cut
some dicks off! – This week– this week marked a milestone
in civil rights history; the 50th anniversary
of Franklin’s first appearance in the comic strip “Peanuts.” And what’s really fascinating is his origin story. – April 1968. Martin Luther King
had been shot and killed. American cities
burned in rage. In California,
a 42-year-old teacher and mother of three
felt helpless. – And I remember sitting
in suburbia, saying, “Is there anything
I can do?” – Harriet Glickman wanted to
reach someone with influence. She wrote to Charles Schulz. His “Peanuts” comic strip
was read by nearly 100 million people
each week. Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus,
they were all white. Glickman told Schulz
he should integrate. – Okay, that was pretty dope
of that lady, but, uh– [cheers and applause] Yeah, but– but at the same time,
also kind of a weird reaction to a tragedy. I mean, Martin Luther King
is dead, there’s chaos in the streets,
and her first reaction is, “Maybe Charlie Brown can help.” Like, I wonder if there’s some
nice suburban lady today going, “Did you know they’re putting
kids in cages? “We gotta get Garfield
on the case. Where is he?” [laughter] And– And the creator of “Peanuts,”
Charles Schulz, he made sure that Franklin’s
arrival was a statement. His first appearance
in the comic strip was at a beach swimming
with white kids. And that may seem trivial now,
but don’t forget, for many people in 1968, blacks
and whites swimming together was not a normal thing,
and this image was seen by 100 million people. ‘Cause “Peanuts” in the ’60s
had the same kind of cultural dominance as “Friends”
in the ’90s, which, unlike “Peanuts,”
never managed to add a full-time black friend. For more on this civil rights
trailblazer, we turn now to our very own Roy Wood, Jr.,
everybody! [cheers and applause] – [indistinct] – Roy, no matter who you are, you’ve gotta love Franklin,
right? – Oh, man, love him?
Are you kidding, man? Franklin was a straight-up G. Integrated the shit
out of “Peanuts.” Here’s the thing: newspaper
Franklin was great. Newspaper Franklin was great,
you can’t argue that, but when they put him on TV,
it was a different story. All of a sudden,
they made him a stereotype. [all]
– ♪ You do the Hokey Pokey ♪ ♪ And you turn yourself
around ♪ ♪ That’s what it’s all about ♪ [hip-hop music playing] – ♪ It’s all about
all the calls we’ve done ♪ ♪ You’ll be shakin’
in your shoes ♪ ♪ We’re the team invincible ♪ ♪ And we’re not gonna lose ♪ [laughter] – Why… Why couldn’t Franklin just do
the “Hokey Pokey,” Trevor? You telling me black kids
can’t put their left foot in, and take they left foot out? It looked like Franklin
was auditioning for “House Party 2.” – Yeah, but Roy–but Roy, it’s still cool
to have him in there, even if he had one dance break. – It was every time
with this kid. Any time you walk down
the street in Peanuts-ville, you might run into Franklin
and his homeboy pop-lockin’, and even when he’s hanging out
with his friends, everyone else gets
a normal handshake, but no, not Franklin.
He gotta slap skin. See what I mean? All the other
Peanuts are just kids, but Franklin’s running around
Peanut-ville like a damn baby Shaft. He’s a tiny, bad mother– – Shut yo mouth!
– I’m talkin’ about Franklin! Look, I just don’t want him to
be the other kid all the time. Even at Thanksgiving. Yeah, they invited him, but look where they put him! He’s by himself! Even the dog gets to sit
with the kids. Why is the dog even
at the damn table? It’s cool, though,
Franklin. Franklin, look, man.
Franklin, they did you a favor. You don’t want none of that bland-ass white people turkey
anyway. They ain’t putting no sprinkles
on there. You know they don’t season
the food, right? Have–y’all have Thanksgiving
in Africa? – Yeah, Roy, anyway–like,
I hear what you’re saying, but–I liked having Franklin
on the screen. I think it’s important for kids to be able to see
a version of themselves. – Okay, cool. So if that’s the case,
the cartoon should honor the original revolutionary
spirit of Franklin. If you gonna make him rap,
do it right. – ♪ This is America ♪ ♪ Don’t catch you
slippin’ up ♪ ♪ Don’t catch you slippin’
up ♪ ♪ Look what I’m whippin’ up ♪ – Roy Wood, Jr.,
everyone! – The Ku Klux Klan is not the powerhouse
organization they once were, but they have a new plan
to get back on top. – KKK recruiters are trying to
lure kids in Upstate New York with candy. Klan members have been
reported meeting children as they make their way
to the bus in the morning. Apparently, they’re handing
out bags of fliers and Snickers candy bars. – Oh, man! Now parents have to be
extra worried if their kid comes home
with candy. Parents are gonna be like, “Timmy, where did you get
that candy?” He’ll be like,
“From a pedophile.” “Oh, thank God.
I thought it was– I thought it was the KKK.
Oh, my God.” Oh, and, you know,
I think the KKK underestimates how smart kids are these days. Like, if anything, the kids are
gonna end up tricking the KKK. They’ll be like,
“Thanks for the candy, mister. “Now I hate Mexicans
and blacks. Can I get more?
Can I get more?” And as soon as he turns away,
he’s like, “What a moron. Doesn’t he know that the most
effective racism “is about dominating
power structures, “not running around
in a bed sheet? What a dumbass!”

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