Aaron Chen – Comedy Up Late 2017 (S5, E10)
Hey, hello, how’s it going? Yeah, sick You guys are a party crowd. You like to party? *audience cheers* I like to party sometimes, but not all the time I’ve been hanging out a lot in the party areas of Sydney, and they get real grubby on a Friday/Saturday night They get packed full of people who are heaps drunk But also work out way too much and that’s like a Venn diagram of things that I’m scared of *audience laughs* Like I was walking down the main strip one Friday night and one of these dudes He bumped into me, but he thought that I bumped into him So he looks down at me and is like, ‘Mate, do you want to fight?’ ‘Don’t underestimate me.’ He says that. So I’m like, ‘I think you underestimate my ability…’ ‘to estimate.’ *audience laughs and applauds* Like, I’m actually so good at estimating. *audience laughs* I’ve got a twitch in my face. This is absolutely true. I’ve got a twitch in my face. Non-fiction. *audience laughs* I’ve got a twitch in my face, and I wanted to find out what the cause of the twitch in my face was So went to the doctors, right, and I sat down and I said to her, I was like ‘I’ve got a twitch in my face’ ‘What’s the cause?’
And then she was like, ‘It’s stress-related’ ‘What’s your main source of stress?’
And I was like, ‘My twitch’. *audience laughs* So she had to give me all these, like, deep breathing and relaxation exercises to help me get rid of the twitch. And one of them was that I had to breathe in and out but at the same time say to myself that I liked my twitch and the twitch was a big part of me, right?
These exercises worked so well Real effective Got rid of the twitch But I also couldn’t help but feel that I lost a big part of my identity *audience laughs* I was so stressed, I got my twitch back *audience laughs* No good. I was cleaning out my old room and I found my old Learner’s Handbook that teaches you all the road rules There’s a whole page on three-point turns. And there’s a sentence on that page that said, ‘Don’t be ashamed to turn on to a quiet street to do your three-point turns’ And I didn’t even know that was a thing associated with shame *audience laughs* Like up until that point I’d done most of my three-point turns on quiet streets But since finding that out, now I’ve got
to do them on motorways *audience laughs* Like the other day, I was driving to my friend Luca Vitale’s house, and he lives on 110 **** Street in Lakemba, New South Wales *audience laughs* And I’m driving there right, and one second I look to my left and it’s 108 The next minute I look over It’s 112 Can you believe it? Completely missed Luca’s house So now I’ve got to drive 20 to 30 minutes to find my nearest motorway *audience laughs* Any big fans of Kanye West in tonight? *audience cheers* Sick. I love Kanye West, I love the latest album, but one line in particular Really stuck out to me Just to give you some context, before the line he’s talking about how he loves to have… intercourse… and a lot of the times he loves to have intercourse with models And sometimes these models like to bleach their, you know… a**holes and that’s where the line comes in.
He goes, ‘and I’ll get bleach on my t-shirt’ ‘Imma feel like an a**hole’ Do you kind of get the logic of that? So I was listening to this, and I thought what Kanye is talking about is pretty similar to my situation *audience laughs* Like, I was listening to it for the first time the other day and I was sitting on my couch eating my breakfast And then a bit of jam got on my shirt, and I was like, ‘Imma feel like a toast’ *audience laughs* That joke is about how I like Kanye West more than doing well in comedy *audience laughs* Thank you very much, that’s it from me *audience laughs and applauds*