Baghban and Me | Stand-Up Comedy by Chirayu Mistry


I like watching Bollywood movies There’s this special movie which is very close to my heart It’s called Baghban. Have seen Baghban? Not because of Love. But because of Hatred. That movie… always… I cried a lot when I saw it for the first time The second time I saw it, I thought… “Shit… Why?” There was no need That movie has such an impact on my life… that whenever it’s on TV… Amitabh Bachchan cries on screen,
and my DAD judges ME! Then he tells me, “Kids always forget their parents…” “Computer-Ji” “Dafuq Bruh???” “Amitabh is crying on TV, you are my real DAD!!!” “All you schooling was a waste I guess!!!” He said, “But Sharma uncle’s son also forgot him…” I’m like “That poor kid has Alzheimer’s bruh!” Ain’t no logic I have analyzed that movie a lot! I have observed that Amitabh Bachchan is a crazy character His character in the movie is totally weird He has been trying to impress his own wife in the movie since the past 25 Years… I’m like “What’s up with all this Enthusiasm?” and he has been using the same trick for 25 years… “I will come from office on time and she won’t notice…” and I said “She ain’t Loco!!!” She lives with you. She has become immune now. I mean just think about it, that poor women… at such an old age… she probably has back pain and is taking an afternoon nap and this guy comes outta nowhere *Enthusiastic Holi Song* Appears Diwali… Dussehra… Navratri… NOPE *Enthusiastic Holi Song* Everyday Goes to someone’s funeral wearing white clothes, with colors in his hands… *Enthusiastic Holi Song* I think there was a reason that his kids left him. He must be watering the plants in the morning while his kids bid goodbye to him before going to school, “Papa… Bye Papa…” *Enthusiastic Holi Song* Wets Them!! Everyday sick leave… They got so sick they left! Amitabh Bachchan surpassed Gabbar in playing Holi I think he only wanted to play Holi in Sholay and poor Gabbar was framed Gabbar was such a Clueless Guy.
He didn’t know anything! “How much Bounty is on my head?” “How many guys were there?” “Where can I get the Form for FD?” The guy was Clueless!!! Amitabh has really an amazing character in the movie He just cries. He cries for useless and small things. He’s living such a perfect life in the movie There might be only few whose lives are as perfect as his. Let’s Count! He has a job of a Bank Manager in the movie. Lives in a Big ass Bungalow. Has Dharmendra’s Wife. He gets to eat free food for almost 6 months in Paresh Rawal’s restaurant after Separation… all the youngsters are tired on Valentine’s day but this Sugar daddy be like… PARTYYYY!!! Not tired at all!! Party All Night The Guy is a total SAVAGE! He goes home after having such a kickass day and his daughter-in-law who works almost 9 hours a day might have made dinner for him he takes it out and tries it, it tastes less salty, so he goes into a phonebooth and sings… *Super Duper Sad Song* Ruins his dinner Ruins his wife’s dinner as well Wastes 10 bucks in phonebooth for salt worth of 10 Cents… Then why wouldn’t God give you a son like Abhishek? *Easy Punch Setup Success Party* Abhishek always works at least in jokes… *Audience Approval* But then… I thought that… His children could also have been jerks! but in one scene, Amitabh is walking and runs into something, his specs fall on the floor and break, because… GRAVITY Newton discovered it, not me. He tells his kid, “Hey son, please get my specs fixed” His kid honestly tells him, “Dad. I have no money.” “See… my pockets are empty. I ain’t got no money.” So he goes into phonebooth again… *Super Duper Sad Song* There is no money Brooo!!! I just got 500 bucks left and if you keep spending 10 bucks in that phone booth… then how will we save money? And then he wants Colors for Holi There’s no money here… I got bored of watching movies.
So I started watching Serials. Now the serials are even worse! My mom is an addict… she used to watch one serial… It got done and now it’s coming with a new Season… Naagin… Naagin Some fans are here Eveyone knows Naagin right? Naagin is a totally illogical show I mean there is logic, but totally ILL! Really weird show. I will tell you about its concept… The lead actress of the serial,
the family’s Daughter-in-Law… is a Supernatural Snake. Her Mother-in-Law wants to kill her… Her husband dies and comes back to life Her Father-in-Law hides the Supernatural Ruby… And I’m like “Doesn’t anyone in your family has a freakin JOB???” “Where do you get money for all these fancy clothes and electricity?” “If you have more money then please give it to Amitabh… Poor Guy is still…” *Super Duper Sad Song* “He has no MONEY!!!” His specs are broken. Don’t know how many wrong numbers he might have dialed.

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