Chai Time Comedy with Kenny Sebastian : Why Chess Sucks
You know what? I think one of the nicest thing things in the world, are board games. I think they’re wonderful. They’re lovely. And I think the people who initiate board games are extremely warm
and nice people. Because every time when you’re together and the person who takes initiative says, “Hey!” “Let’s play a board game.” And everyone’s like, “Hey thu…” No one supports it. And they still have the positivity to continue. They’d be like “No… no, just give it a shot.” And then everyone has fun and no one remembers
the person who initiated it. Okay, so I think they should be celebrated. Also I think board games are amazing. In the age on technology,
who is playing real games, right? So, I have to start in chronological order. I mean, what’s the first game
I ever played? Ludo. Sort of.
-Snakes & ladders. No, no. You guys, that requires material. Because the first game
I ever played was X and O. Okay, yeah! The thing about X and O… is the best because it’s the only game
you can play in class because you don’t need to talk. X and O is the most easily consensual game to play. You just do like… And suddenly you become expert theatre mime artists. It’s like you do a move and you… X and O was my first. And the only problem with X and O is that
in five minutes it becomes boring. Okay, because it’s a very predictable game. My next favorite bhikari game is name, place, animal, thing. It unites us. I feel if there’s a stampede somewhere, I’ll yell, Name, place.
Everyone will yell, “animal, thing.” And everyone just dies. Again, anyone who initiates
‘name, place, animal, thing’ Ew, ‘name, place’? And in the middle,
everyone will say, aah A, A! A! My handwriting hasn’t been that bad. Till I played ‘name, place, animal, thing’. The struggle of ‘Z’ and ‘X’. I think there’s a certain shame when you’ve made up something. And you say this with a straight face. If the letter is Y, I say ‘yoldfish’. It’s an old, gold fish. Check! Google it! Google it! It’s there. My favorite. Now… Then someone said… Ludo, right? I think before ludo,
I played snakes & ladders. It’s a great game, okay. And I don’t know if you remember.
The most… The most important… I think the most memorable one is…
this one… the giant snake! Yeah, the giant snake. It’s amazing how beautifully it’s placed. It’s placed at like 94. Right when… It teaches you humility, you can’t celebrate. Arrogant tyrants have fallen at this point
that I’m going to win. Aah! Just the energy difference in them from 94 to… 19,
is like… “I don’t like this game.” It goes from this game, “I’m the best” to “I’m not even playing,
I was not even paying attention.” So this is awesome ’cause…
I love this ’cause when you’re a kid, it’s just a giant game,
it’s a giant snake. But when you grow up
you realize, it’s self doubt. Okay, so that’s a metaphor. So I didn’t know, I just found out that
Snakes & Ladders is a very old game. It’s a very ancient game, apparently. Yeah, because what do children love? Snakes! And they’re like what else? Ladders! Two of the most favorite things of kids. Snakes & ladders. And I love how the concept is so flawed
but they’re trying really hard. They made all the snakes so cute. All of them are insanely cute, but they have venom in them,
like most of the people we meet. Yes!
-No! It’s a life lesson but you guys are great. Now obviously I can’t talk
about board games unless I talk about the oldest board game, there is. Monopoly?
– Monopoly. Yeah, chess. I’m talking about chess, guys. I’m talking about chess. Remember the Romans used to play monopoly. Ah man, those were the times. And chess is awesome. Now the moment I see a chess board,
I’m like I don’t want to be friends with you, immediately! Guys want to play chess and we’re like, “No.” Why are you excited? There are… Do all of you know how to play chess? Yes… no.
– No? No one taught you how to play chess? I feel like if you’re an Indian kid
you’re forced to know how to play. I feel like if you go
to American immigration, they check. Are you really Indian?
Can you play chess? Yeah guys, that’s a legit name,
it’s a scientific name. Every time, I play chess
because the game is so boring the only argument is
what do you call the pieces? Everyone has different names. Some people have like proper names like minister
some people have names like ‘goo-goo’. I don’t know. They just make up shit. I know, every time.
So what is this piece? Bishop. Camel. That is a bishop. Oh, bishop or the camel, right? Two completely different things. I’ve never been… Never gone to a desert and be like, hey, bishop! Oh no, it’s a camel. It’s never happened. Ever seen a palace with a camel
just sitting in the courtyard? Now, what is this one? Power, I mean… Pawn. Did you just say power? This is a? Pawn, right? Not a soldier. Soldier. Pawn. I always visualized this guy as like… I always did. This guy was like, he’s gonna go out immediately. Every time I took him out… oh! No! I hate this game. I always die. The queen is the most bad-ass. The queen ’cause she…
-Bad-ass, yeah. Queen is easiest to remember. Because she can go everywhere. ‘Cause she’s Beyonce. This is the queen. So this is the queen and this is the king. The king is a dumb-ass. Such a dumb-ass. She has to keep protecting him
and run the kingdom. Will man do something for a change? He’s slow as hell. I’m talking about chess guys. Just slow as… Now for me the… This is my most favorite piece
’cause it’s the most beautiful. Oh yes! What is this?
-Horse, Knight. Yeah, there’s never any confusion here. No one’s like “zebra, zebra!” This is all zebra crossing. The horse is weird. Weird like movement.
It’s like it could go here or it could go here. Hate this guy. But I think my favorite is the… I think the minister, right? What is this? Elephant. Sorry?
-Rook. The rook, wow! Not too happy, are we? Elephant is just like the hulk, is it? The Hulk smash! Just goes straight. I just don’t like people who like chess, okay. Because it’s like the people who like math. They have to let everyone know. They bring it up in conversation
when it’s not even organic. They’re like, “hey, you guys like chess?” “Dude, we were friggin talking about
Game of Thrones.” “What are you talking about?” “I like chess, dude.
You wanna play chess?” “No, nobody plays chess.” “Shut up!” Chess is the green leafy vegetables
of the board games. Good for your brains
but nobody wants to finish it. So, that’s chess. Now okay, I’m not gonna… We’re going to talk
about this game in detail later. Yes. Because it breaks friendships. And I like all of you guys
and I don’t wanna break friendships but I think the game I’ve played
the most in my life is… Cards. Bluff. No, I played this game called… I don’t know if you guys have played,
it’s called Bluff. Yes. Oh, I love Bluff so much. Bluff is a mind game. Bluff is a poor version of Poker. It’s preparing you if you don’t want to bother learning
the rules of Poker… Which is lame… I don’t know why
everyone loves Poker so much. Oh, Poker! No money. I love Bluff. In college we used to play Bluff so much. I love Poker. Because… I just overdo it. I overdo my bluff. You guys know what the…
I’ll tell you the rules of Bluff. So someone says, this is two of spades, right? So now everyone’s like put the same kind of one. That’s the rule. Okay, so you say, yeah. I put. Now it’s put face down,
so you could be bluffing that you have the card. Or you could be telling the truth. That’s it.
That’s the easiest game to explain. Now if you pick it up and it’s a bluff, I have to keep everything. If it’s not they have to pick it up. This simple game goes on for like four months, because… it is so intense. Because everyone has
different ways of bluffing. Right? My way of bluffing, is to be… act like I’m bluffing. So it’s like meta. It’s like… Take it. I don’t have any cards. Take it. Take it or I could be bluffing. It’s just like reverse psychology. I’m totally bluffing, just take it. And the moment they take it and I was not bluffing,
I just go back to my normal self. Take it, take it. It wasn’t a fuckin bluff, bro. But I think the most consistent psychopaths
are the ones who don’t have any expression. Which is a classic poker face, which is… Dude, I think it’s a bluff. Then take. Hello! What? His whole family died?
Dude, your whole family died. Okay. It’s fine, just take the card. Do you like it? You had fun? Thank you so much for watching Chai Time. It was super nice to shoot this one
and thank you for subscribing. And sharing and liking. And commenting and letting me know. You might think that it doesn’t matter.
But it means a lot to me when you comment saying,
“Hey man, I liked the video. It made me smile.” My mom saw it, my dad saw it. Also, I’m coming to America. April, full month, I’m touring. I’m in Chicago, Philadelphia, Washington DC. Dallas, Boston, New York. San Francisco, LA. A lot of places. I’ll see you in America. I’ll see you in India.
I’ll see you everywhere. And if you get bored, you can always see me on… your heart… and YouTube. Thank you.