Chappelle’s Show – Black Bush

Chappelle’s Show – Black Bush


LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I BRING TO YOU NOW BLACK BUSH. female narrator:
PRESIDENT BUSH CONTINUES TO MAKE HIS CASE
FOR AN INVASION OF IRAQ. – AFTER CAREFULLY
EXAMINING THE REGION, ME AND MY CABINET AGREE
THAT THAT AREA IS DEFINITELY RIPE
FOR REGIME CHANGE. – A’IGHT? – BUT IF I CAN BE
REAL ABOUT IT– – BE REAL, SON.
– REAL? – BE REAL REAL, SON. – TRIED TO KILL MY FATHER, MAN. all:
WORD. – I DON’T PLAY THAT SHIT. – SAY WORD, HE TRIED
TO KILL YOUR FATHER, SON. – THAT NIGGA TRIED
TO KILL MY FATHER! – WORD TO
EVERYTHING WE LOVE, WE COMING TO SEE Y’ALL, SON. announcer:
MEANWHILE, PRESIDENT BUSH AND BRITISH PRIME MINISTER
TONY BLAIR OFFERED A SPIRITED EXPLANATION
FOR A POSSIBLE WAR WITH IRAQ. – THIS NIGGA VERY POSSIBLY
HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. I CAN’T SLEEP ON THAT. NOT ON MY WATCH! THAT’S NOT HOW I ROLL.
THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS! NOW, IF YOU DON’T WANT
TO TAKE MY WORD FOR IT, WHY DON’T YOU ASK
TONY BLAIR? HE GOT A WHOLE NOTHER
SET OF INTELLIGENCE. WHAT’S UP, TONY? – WE DON’T KNOW MUCH
ABOUT SADDAM, BUT WE CAN’T TRUST
RANDOM NIGGAS WITH THINGS LIKE THAT,
AS GEORGE SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT. I’M WITH HIM
100% OF THE WAY. WE DON’T KNOW WHAT HE HAS. male narrator: IF THE UNITED
STATES GOES TO WAR WITH IRAQ, WILL IT FIRST HAVE
TO PROVIDE EVIDENCE THAT SADDAM HUSSEIN
HAS WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION? SO FAR, THE U.N.
HAS FOUND NOTHING, BUT PRESIDENT BUSH
COUNTERS WITH THIS: – THE NIGGER BOUGHT
ALUMINUM TUBES! DO I NEED TO TELL YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN DO
WITH AN ALUMINUM TUBE? ALUMINUM! THAT DON’T SCARE YOU? FINE.
I DIDN’T WANT SAY THIS. THE (BLEEP) BOUGHT SOME
YELLOW CAKE, OKAY, IN AFRICA. HE WENT TO AFRICA,
AND HE BOUGHT YELLOW CAKE. – ARE YOU SURE? – YES, I’M SURE, BITCH! I GOT THE HEAD OF C.I.A.
RIGHT HERE–HE’LL TELL YOU! – WHAT UP?
ARE YOU SURE? ARE YOU SURE? I CAN’T BELIEVE
YOU MOTHER (BLEEP). THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
RIDICULOUS! ME AND JEB JUST
COMING BACK FROM AFRICA. – CRADLE OF (BLEEP)
CIVILIZATION. – AND THIS NIGGA OUT HERE
BUYING YELLOW CAKE. – FROM THE MOTHERLAND. – ARE YOU SURE
IT WAS YELLOW CAKE? – Y’ALL NIGGAS
DON’T BELIEVE ME, I GOT SOME YELLOW CAKE
RIGHT HERE! LOOK, YOU SEE?
YOU BELIEVE THIS (BLEEP) NOW? – DON’T DROP THAT (BLEEP)! – I KNOW.
I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT! THAT’S WHY I GOT IT WRAPPED UP
IN THIS SPECIAL C.I.A. NAPKIN. – JUST DON’T
DROP THAT (BLEEP) HERE. – YOU BETTER HOPE
I DON’T DROP THIS (BLEEP)! – PRAY TO GOD
YOU DON’T DROP THAT (BLEEP). – YELLOW CAKE. – (BLEEP) RIGHT. male announcer:
A SENSITIVE ACCUSATION FOR THIS ADMINISTRATION IS THE THEORY HELD BY MANY
THAT THE REAL REASON THE U.S. IS SO INTERESTED
IN TOPPLING SADDAM IS CONTROL OF THE OIL
THAT IRAQ IS SITTING ON. – WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WHO SAY YOU’RE ONLY INTERESTED
IN THE MIDDLE EAST FOR OIL? – WHAT? HUH?
OIL? WHO SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT OIL, BITCH? ARE YOU COOKING?
OIL? MAN, I DON’T KNOW WHAT– COME ON Y’ALL.
GET OUT OF HERE! announcer:
PRESIDENT BUSH MET WITH U.N. SECRETARY GENERAL
KOFI ANNAN AND MADE IT CLEAR
THE U.S. WILL ACT EVEN IF THE U.N.
IS RELUCTANT. – U.N., YOU HAVE
A PROBLEM WITH THAT, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO? YOU SHOULD SANCTION ME. SANCTION ME WITH YOUR ARMY. OH, WAIT A MINUTE! YOU DON’T HAVE AN ARMY! I GUESS THAT MEANS
YOU NEED TO SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP! THAT’S WHAT I’D DO
IF I DIDN’T HAVE NO ARMY. I WOULD SHH!
THE (BLEEP) UP. SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP! THAT’S RIGHT,
KOFI ANNAN. THINK I’M GONNA
TAKE ORDERS FROM AN AFRICAN? YOU MIGHT SPEAK 16 LANGUAGES,
BUT YOU GONNA NEED THEM WHEN YOU IN TIMES SQUARE
SELLING FAKE HATS. I KNOW GUCCI
WHEN I SEE IT, NIGGA. I’M RICH. I GOT A COALITION
OF THE WILLING. I GOT 40 NATIONS
READY TO ROLL, SON! – LIKE WHO? – WHO THE (BLEEP) SAID THAT? HUH?
HUH? LIKE WHO? ENGLAND. JAPAN’S SENDING PLAYSTATIONS. STANKONIA SAID THEY’RE WILLING
TO DROP BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD. RICKETY ROW IS COMING! AFRIKA BAMBAATAA
AND THE ZULU NATION. THAT MEANS I AM NOT
DOING THIS BY MYSELF, AND I AM NOT
DISRESPECTING THE U.N., EVEN THOUGH
THEY DON’T GOT NO ARMY. GO SELL SOME MEDICINE, BITCHES! I’M TRYING TO GET THAT OIL– OH!
[coughs] female announcer: THE U.S.
FIRED THE OPENING SALVO IN THE WAR ON IRAQ WITH AT LEAST 40 TOMAHAWK
CRUISE MISSILES AND PRECISION GUIDED BOMBS,
CENTERING ON BAGHDAD. [Hail to the Chief playing] male announcer:
GOOD EVENING. TONIGHT, PRESIDENT GEORGE BUSH
IS ON BOARD THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER
U.S.S. ABRAHAM LINCOLN OFF THE CALIFORNIA COAST. IT WILL BE THE SITE
OF WHAT IS ESSENTIALLY HIS VICTORY SPEECH
IN THE WAR AGAINST IRAQ. – [clears throat] WHAT DID I SAY? I’M NOT GLOATING,
BUT WHAT DID I SAY? DID I NOT SAY
THAT WE WOULD WIN THAT SHIT? WE ROCKED THEM ‘BAMAS!
WE ROCKED THEM! [whispering] NIGGA, YOU SEE ME
COME IN ON THAT PLANE? SHHHHOOO. DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAH! announcer:
FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT DAY, THESE HARD-LINE IRAQIS PROTESTED THE AMERICAN
PRESENCE HERE. – MR. PRESIDENT,
WHEN DO YOU THINK THEY’LL HOLD
GENERAL ELECTIONS IN IRAQ? – DAMN, I KNEW I SHOULDN’T
HAVE CALLED ON THIS NIGGA! I SHOULD NOT HAVE CALLED ON YOU
‘CAUSE YOU’RE ALWAYS TRYING TO DISTRACT
MOTHER(BLEEP)S WITH THINGS LIKE THE WAR
AND SKIRT ALL THE REAL ISSUES. GAY PEOPLE ARE
GETTING MARRIED, FOLKS. YES. NASTY!
IMAGINE THAT. TWO WOMEN TOUCHING
ON EACH OTHER’S TITTIE BALLS, WRESTLING THEM, GENTLY STROKING
THOSE NIPPLES TILL THEY GET
JUST SO STIFF AND ERECT! BLOWING ON THEM. [blowing] MEN.
BARBECUE. “I LIKE YOU.”
“I LIKE YOU TOO, DOG.” “LET’S GET MARRIED, MAN.” IT’S CRAZY! – WHAT ABOUT YOUR–
– THAT (BLEEP) IS GROSS! – MR. PRESIDENT.
MR. PRESIDENT, SIR. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN
THE CONTINUAL UPHEAVAL IN IRAQ EVEN AFTER THE CAPTURE
OF SADDAM HUSSEIN? – WHY ARE YOU
DOING THIS, MAN? I THOUGHT YOU WAS
MY BLACK BROTHER. WHY YOU ASKING ME
QUESTIONS LIKE THAT? FINE, I’LL ANSWER
YOUR STUPID-ASS QUESTION. HERE’S WHAT I FEEL
ABOUT IRAQ. I FEEL LIKE YOU GUYS KEEP TRYING
TO DISTRACT PEOPLE WITH IRAQ WHEN I’M FOCUSING
ON OTHER THINGS, NAMELY THE MOON. YES, I SAID IT,
THE MOON. CAN’T BE DISTRACTED. “WHAT’S GOING ON
WITH THE WAR? WHAT’S WRONG
WITH THE ECONOMY?” STOP WORRYING ABOUT THAT!
I GOT THAT (BLEEP) UNDER CONTROL! LET’S FOCUS
ON SPACE, NIGGA. THE UNITED STATES OF SPACE. ‘CAUSE I AIN’T
STOPPING AT THE MOON. WRITE THIS DOWN: M-A-R-S. MARS, BITCHES. THAT’S WHERE WE ARE GOING. MARS.
RED ROCKS! – YEAH, YEAH!

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  1. โ€œThatโ€™s why I got it wrapped up in this special CIA napkin!โ€ ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Mos Def is an underrated regular on this show. Probably my favorite next to Charlie Murphy (RIP ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿป)

  2. I saw this the day it was aired, still top notch comedy to this day. Missed the line every time about "Stankonia said they would drop bombs over Baghdad." Mustve been laughing to hard to hear it the other times!๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

  3. "When are they holding general elections in Iraq?"

    "DAYUM I KNEW I SHOULDN'TA called on this nigga!!" Hahahahaha I cry laughing every time

  4. It's really funny now we are going to MARS ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ still my favorite part are you sure? "YES I'M SURE BITCH !" LMFAO

  5. Reporter: "Mr. President, so when you think they'll start general elections in Iraq?"

    Black bush: "Damn! I knew I shouldn't have called on this nigga. Always trying to distract mothuh fukkus with the war….. Gay people are getting married folks".

    Lol fucking shit bro

  6. I remember my first time seeing this on CC… I laughed so hard I thought I was gonna die ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€ even to this day it still makes me cry with laughter. One of Chappelle's funniest and underrated skits of the entire series

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