Covetton House Introduces: “Covetton Yurt”

Covetton House Introduces: “Covetton Yurt”


( LAUGHTER )
EVERYONE KNOWS I LOVE CELEBRITY LIFESTYLE BRAND GOOP, AND
GWYNETH PALTROW, THE WELLNESSMONGER FAMOUS FOR HER
$66 JADE VAGINA EGGS, “STICKERS THAT PROMOTE HEALING” FOR $120,
AND THIS $435 ANTI-AGING MASK MEANT TO REDUCE WRINKLES AND
APPROPRIATE FOR MOST ORGIES. THEIR LATEST PRODUCT TAKING THE
INTERNET BY STORM IS A CANDLE ENTITLED “THIS SMELLS LIKE MY
VAGINA.” OKAY. I HAVE QUESTIONS. AND I’M NOT SURE HOW TO ASK ANY
OF THEM, BUT LET’S START WITH “WHOSE?”
( LAUGHTER ) GWYNETH’S? BECAUSE I’LL BUY THE EGG, BUT I
JUST WANNA BE FRIENDS. THIS IS THE MOST TALKED-ABOUT
ITEM PUT OUT BY AN OSCAR WINNER SINCE JACK LEMMON’S “THIS AIR
FRESHENER LOOKS LIKE MY PENIS”. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH, JACK LEMMON! IRONICALLY NOT LEMON SCENTED. ( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE ) NATURALLY, THIS THING COST, $75
AND WAS IMMEDIATELY SOLD OUT. ( LAUGHTER )
UNTIL THEY RE-STOCK, YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR “THIS CANDLE
SMELLS LIKE A PINE TREE’S ASS.” ( LAUGHTER )
BUT THAT’S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT GOOPETH! SHE’S ALWAYS THINKING, ALWAYS
MOVING, NEVER SITTING STILL. PARTLY BECAUSE SITTING IS TOUGH
WITH THAT MANY PRODUCTS IN THE OL’ GOOP CHUTE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S WHY NETFLIX JUST ANNOUNCED A GOOPY NEW TV SHOW,
TWEETING, “GWYNETH PALTROW WELCOMES YOU TO THE GOOP LAB!”
I DON’T GET WHAT SHE’S DOING INSIDE THOSE CONCENTRIC
CROSS-SECTIONS OF A FOOTBALL. ( LAUGHTER )
THE NEW SHOW EXPLORES EVERYTHING THAT’S TOO CRAZY FOR THE
INTERNET.>>WHAT HAPPENS IN A WORKSHOP?”
>>EVERYONE GETS OFF.>>WHAT THE (BLEEP) ARE YOU
DOING TO PEOPLE?>>WHAT WE TRY TO DO AT GOOP IS
EXPLORE IDEAS THAT MAY SEEM OUT THERE OR– TOO SCARY.>>STEPHEN: NOTHING SCARY ABOUT
A THOUSAND PINS IN YOUR FACE. I SAW IT YEARS AGO IN THAT
POPULAR WELLNESS DOCUMENTARY “HELLRAISER.” ( LAUGHTER )
“WELCOME TO THE PIT OF ENDLESS TORMENT. HELP YOURSELF TO SOME CUCUMBER
WATER.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
“THE GOOP LAB” WILL INTRODUCE US TO THE MOST GROUNDBREAKING
SCIENTIF-ISH WELLNESS TECHNIQUES.>>I… HAD AN EXORCISM.>>OH, WOOOOOW.>>I WENT THROUGH YEARS OF
THERAPY IN ABOUT FIVE HOURS. I STARTED TO FEEL, LIKE A PANIC
ATTACK COMING ON. SHE KNEW SOMETHING THAT MY
HUSBAND DIDN’T EVEN KNOW.>>YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE
VULVA.>>Stephen: OKAY —
( LAUGHTER ) — FOR THE RECORD, THAT’S NOT
WELLNESS THERAPY. SHE’S MAKING CANDLES. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Jon: OH, AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH! ( PIANO RIFF )
>>Stephen: POINT IS, GOOP LAB PROMISES ONE THING —
>>THIS IS DANGEROUS.>>IT’S UNREGULATED.>>SHOULD I BE SCARED? WE’RE HERE ONE TIME, ONE LIFE,
HOW CAN WE REALLY MILK THE (BLEEP) OUT OF THIS?”
>>STEPHEN: NOW, IF YOU CYNICS THINK “THE GOOP LAB” IS A CASH
GRAB THAT EXPLOITS PEOPLE’S FEAR OF AGING AND SACRIFICES THEIR
SAFETY TO PEDDLE PSEUDO-SCIENTIFIC, NEW-AGEY
GARBAGE… WELL-SPOTTED. ( LAUGHTER )
AND DADDY WANTS IN!>>Jon: HA HA! OH, MY! ( PIANO RIFF )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT’S WHERE MY OWN HIGH-END
LIFESTYLE BRAND, COVETTON HOUSE, COMES IN. WE’RE LAUNCHING A NEW TELEVISION
SHOW CALLED “COVETTON YURT.” ( LAUGHTER )
( CALMING MUSIC )>>BAROQUE SIMPLICITY, SHABBY
ELEGANCE, GIVE ME MONEY. COVETTON HOUSE.>>Stephen: NAMASTE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WELCOME TO “COVETTON YURT.” IN THE YURT, WE EXPLORE IDEAS
THAT ARE TOO “OUT THERE” OR “TOO SCARY” FOR SCIENCE. ARE YOU DANGEROUS ENOUGH TO FIND
OUT IF THIS $8,000 BOTTLE OF UNPASTEURIZED GIRAFFE MILK
WILL ALLEVIATE YOUR ANXIETY? WE’VE ONLY GOT ONE GIRAFFE. LET’S MILK THE (BLEEP) OUT OF
HER. ( LAUGHTER )
AND IS THIS MAN A PSYCHIC WHO CAN SUMMON AN INCUBUS TO
STIMULATE YOUR G-SPOT, OR IS HE A VAGRANT I CAUGHT STEALING MY
MAIL AND GAVE HIM A SANDWICH TO POSE FOR THIS PHOTO? THE ANSWER IS IN THE YURT. AND SO IS HE. HE REALLY NEEDS A PLACE TO
CRASH. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOE
SCARBOROUGH AND MIKA BRZEZINSKI!

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  1. Um, Stephen she is standing in a vagina. *To clarify how I know this it's because another show taught the world about a person who makes her own vagina stickers. **It wasn't Gren.

  2. Great, rich white lady sells expensive garbage. Can we now get to talking about West Virginia offering to make the ~90 second amendment sanctuary counties in Virginia a new part of their state?

  3. I wonder…. maybe her next product will be semen scented perfume or candles 😑😑😂🤢🤢🤢 she and the people associated with her are more than crazy. I don't know if there is any word for it. 😂😂

  4. The "lemon scented" joke went "woooshhhh" over everyone. I can't believe he didn't lose it when he said "it's hard to sit with all that up her goop chute."

  5. Hate her all you want. She’s making money. She found an opportunity. And she’s exploiting it. But it’s sad though, people will never have enough money.

  6. (JESUS; THE ALMIGHTY!!!):

    And I saw heaven opened,
    and behold a white horse;
    and he that sat upon him
    was called Faithful and True,
    and in righteousness
    he doth judge
    and make war.
    His eyes were as a flame of fire,
    and on his head were many crowns;
    and he had a name written,
    that no man knew,
    but he himself.
    And he was clothed with
    a vesture dipped in blood:
    and his name is called
    The Word of God.
    (Revelation 19:11-13).
    _______________________________________________

    Behold,
    he cometh with clouds;
    and every eye shall see him,
    and they also which pierced him:
    and all kindreds of the earth
    shall wail because of him.
    Even so, Amen.
    I am Alpha and Omega,
    the beginning and the ending,
    saith the Lord,
    which is,
    and which was,
    and which is to come,
    the Almighty.
    (Revelation 1:7-8).
    ______________________________________________

    I am he that liveth,
    and was dead;
    and,
    behold,
    I am alive for evermore,
    Amen;
    and have the keys
    of hell
    and of death.

    (Revelation 1:18).

  7. She sells or she used most fuc* expensive stuff or skin products, but with out makeup she has horrible skin with thousands of wrinkles. I guess, even you have so much money spent buying experience skin products or surgery can’t reduce wrinkles. So it just brand name cost so much money to make you spend 💵
    I wander how tight Gweneth’s Virginia?

  8. After introducing the candle they should have played the speech from Dusk Till Dawn, https://youtu.be/dUfel9sU-KI

  9. Idk wtf is wrong with her …..
    😰😭😢

    Looks like TONY’s death took a toll on her life 😖😢😭

  10. ព្រួញដែលខ្ញុំបាញ់រហ័សណាស់ បាញ់កន្លែងណាខ្ទិចកន្លែងនឹង។

  11. Fee advertising for a con woman. She's dishonest and can manipulate media like nobody's business. Let's just ignore the wacko.

  12. I still like Gwyneth paltrow because she came on the show and laughed at herself and goop once. She at least can laugh at herself and be a good sport about it.

  13. If them stickers can help me get through work without the mid day slump, make me sleep like a baby, breeze through chores and drive through rush hour traffic without a care in the world, they might be worth it. But I don’t care what the benefits of that candle are, ain’t no way in hell I want to buy that.

  14. Good grief, can't she go a few years without telling us what she does with her vagina? The jade eggs are BS, and gynecologists have spoken out against vaginal steaming, which GP promoted.

  15. G.P., who in their right mind would buy those reimagined New Age items, who in their right mind would sell them? Please, it was disgusting and not even good quality. You are reaching too hard. Get real.

  16. Does "Goop labs" remind anyone else of the "Grot Shop" from the old British comedy" The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin"? I'd like to see a bunch of her marks get together in a few years and sue her saying "We bought and used all of your anti-aging products for years, but we keep getting older!"

  17. I wonder how they call that one spot in the "Goop Lab" where Gwyneth is located in that image.
    Probably something with G… ^^

  18. Too fast to read: "Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop's latest health fad was so bad that NASA got involved" https://youtu.be/uXbw0UAv8Lo?t=13

  19. I used to feel bad that she & Chris consciously uncoupled. Now I just think "good for Chris", cause Gwyneth's riding the crazy train.

  20. People hating Gwyneth for selling overpriced and weird products but if someone is stupid enough to consume them, why not? It's not like her company is going into losses coz of the weird products, infact she is getting more publicity with the weird stuff.

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