Dating Rules Indian Guys Need to Follow – Stand Up Comedy by Kenny Sebastian

Dating Rules Indian Guys Need to Follow – Stand Up Comedy by Kenny Sebastian

Being in a relationship for three years
you learn something. There are certain rules. Especially if you are dating
an Indian girl. Indian girls have a lot of restrictions.
Unfortunately! It’s like a… I feel every Indian girl has to lie to her parents to date a guy. Like in a covert Russian spy mission. She is always on the lookout. Is that my mom? Is that my dad? No. Is that my uncle? Shit! My uncle. Fuck! Moustache. So, what I learnt from this is when her mom calls you never disturb that call. Do not disturb ‘the girl and her mother’ call. There are certain signs to know
her mom is calling. If her phone’s ringing and she is like… That’s not her mom. If her phone’s ringing like… One second. And they go into this protective environment. Which has an invisible force field. And like an idiot I asked her, ‘Who are you talking to? Your mom?’ And she said, ‘No! Go away’ You fool! You have any idea what would happen if she knew? Yeah, mommy, I am praying. We’re chilling. Actually, we are studying. Yeah, mom. Yeah. Never mess with her… I have seen girlfriends turn into hulks. They’ve punched me in the face. It’s very scary. Second rule: Never…
This is such a stupid thing, guys. Never try to make your girlfriend jealous. Just look at the scenario. Just look at the scenario in this club right now. Single guys. Single girls. Few! A single girl in India with a population of a billion… 99% are single guys. Do you know the amount of attention she is getting? It is a privilege that she is… For a few months, I will give you
my full attention. And you think, ‘Oh! This one girl hit on me.
Let me show off. Come on.’ It is the most dumbest thing
you can ever do. Also, we guys are very simple. We get happy with simple shit. One girl flirts with me
and I’m like ‘Fuck, can’t wait to tell my girlfriend.’ She is going to value me more now. Hey, guess what happened today?
What? A girl was flirting with me. You jealous? How cute. She gave you attention? Let me tell you about the guys who hit on me while I went
to the bus-stop five minutes back. Page one. Don’t try to make her jealous.
Just, don’t. Rule #3. This is a very weird thing
but it shows character. You have to drop your girlfriend
to the auto rickshaw. Make sense post when it gets dark.
Makes sense. But, if it is before 5 pm
it doesn’t make sense to me. Because guys are horrible
at catching auto rickshaws. Women are awesome because
guys believe in physics. Women don’t. They don’t. I have seen auto rickshaws hit motorbikes
and hit guys crossing the road. My girlfriend stops an auto. Auto! Just stops here. Just stops. The problem with guys is that we have
this problem – we also use logic. When we try and stop an auto, we say no, that is going
in the opposite direction. We can’t stop that auto. Mad or what? He looks tired. No need. And the worst part about catching autos is that
I hate doing this because you have to judge the auto. If it’s dark, 7 pm, 8 pm, 9pm and you have to drop your girlfriend. You have to judge the auto driver.
The first auto driver. He looks like a murderer. He looks like a rapist. No need. Bye bye. He looks very weak. Malnutritioned.
Come here, sir. Come here. He won’t do anything! It’s sad. You have to do that. And the most amazing thing guys think they do… Hey baby, once you reach home, send me a text. What good that does, I have no idea. Because in case your auto explodes,
I will get a sms. It makes no sense. So much… no, you have to send it otherwise… Also, one thing, guys don’t know
how to say sorry. They don’t. Who’s in a relationship? Give me… How would you say sorry to your girlfriend? Sorry. Yes, exactly! That’s what I say. See, that’s the problem. You don’t just say, I’m sorry. Have you noticed, guys have this ego and
they don’t apologise a lot. But women apologise a lot.
Have you noticed? I don’t know if that is
a good or a bad thing. But it’s very clever. What they do, they have bank
where they collect a lot of sorrys. But, they say sorry for stupid shit
that doesn’t matter. Oh my God, I know you asked for apple
but there’s a banana. Is that okay? I’m so sorry. And you are like, that’s fine. I’m just slightly hungry. Okay. Ting. Oh, I’m so sorry,
I’m five minutes late. Is that okay? Yes. That’s fine. You don’t have to apologise. Okay. Ting. And then you screw up. Baby… Wow! So many casualties. I went through this. She had this big jar. Wow! I never got such a big applause for that. Peace off, guys. Don’t worry. It’s going to get better. And then, we say, ‘I’m sorry’. And she’s like… Just like that. Sorry. No. What you have to do is make it dramatic. You have to say sorry but just like being…
like Channing Tatum types. Just like. Bad acting but… You screw up. You go up to her and be like… Just talk about normal stuff. This morning I took the bus. It was pretty crowded. The weather’s been kind of… yeah, it’s been kind of cold. By the way what happened yesterday,
I just want to say that I’ll never talk to you that way again. And… stop mid sentence. And walk away. And then, stop. Hopefully, if it’s raining,
it will be great. I just want to say, ‘I’m sorry.’ And get your small cute cousin…
Just pay Rs.150/- and make the cousin come up
to your girlfriend and say ‘Who was he?’ He was my love. That’s the way.
That’s the way we say sorry. A lot of effort, I know.
But it works.

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  1. It's all hard for me to apologise because in my brain I think it's gonna play out cheesy with I hate

    And I'm a girl

  2. It's not the time of day in helping your partner hail a rickshaw which matters, it's a gesture which epitomizes civilty.

  3. omg why is this so funny…. I love you Kenny…you are simply awesome…I feel proud saying you are from Kerala…

  4. 99% single guys. It is biggest lie.

    First teach to girls to pay 50% for date.

    What is reality making fun of men earning money nothing else.

    Why always making fun of men , we are not seeing much videos making fun of women?

  5. Are Indian boys doesn't have restrictions?

    Hey you are man
    Don't look for more height
    You should work
    You should have property
    Don't cry you are man
    You are man so should pay for date.
    These restrictions no limit.

    The moment he said 99% single guys, he is biggest liar.

  6. Girls get attention not because of the number , it is because opposite sex. Even girls too look at men.

  7. My boyfriend send me this video and told me to watch it. My God i was laughing by hearing all his rules, what he said was exactly right. And the last part sorry it was hilarious.

  8. Yaaa girls are always emotional…..They don't need logic they just need emotion. ….What're it may be

  9. He is funny
    Becouse his hairs are like that
    If u got noodle hair ur funny too
    Yes, it make sense to me.

  10. Watching this in 2019 but honestly these are still the best dating tips for Indian males till date 歹歹

  11. This guy's never gonna get a girlfriend… Not if he has one… He's gonna lose that one tho….

    Just kidding man…. You're awesome im already in love with youuuu

  12. This is totally relatable and yes I always look out for my uncle or relatives or father or mother or anyone who knows anyone of us!

  13. Your jokes on dating, women and girlfriends are one those very few strands of jokes that I don't find unnecessarily sexist and are actually so so so funny, subscribed and looking forward for a live show in Mumbai next time.
    Loved you Kenny

  14. I think parents needs to be sensible. I remember when I was in my teens my mom said something to me. She said, if you ever like someone come talk to me. She didn't want to hear the rumors about her daughter. I never liked anyone. But she gave me the trust that she's available if I need her. Parents should behave like grownups, invite their kids dates at home. Have sensible talk then complain if they find something's wrong. Indian parents gets scared and then they start shouting without knowing the person.

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