Ever since the Super Nintendo, Donkey Kong and 3D have been like this. So naturally, when the time came to make a Donkey Kong television series, Nintendo brought in Pixar to animate it and I think the results speak for themself. Look at how realistically the monkeys interact with each other. And keep in mind, this was only the pilot epis– WHAT THE F- What SHIT is this?! Reggy, what did you do? (Reggie Fils-Aimé)
[He pronounces his name as Reggy] Why did you let them d– This is like a mod for Jimmy Neutron, or something. This– This isn’t real, r- BANEHNEHSLEMMEH It’s real. [Bluster Kong] Hey, Candy! Surprise! [Candy] A birthday cake?… [Bluster] Happy birthday! Banana Cream. Your favorite! [Candy] *Sighing* Rejected! [Dunk] HOLY SHIT! That is fucked up! He bake- He bakes her this big ass cake and she just rejected- Tha- That’s fucked up. I don’t care who you are! [Candy] So [Dunk] WHAT? [Bluster Kong] The machine, No!
*Dunkey laughing* [Dunk] What the fuck?! This lady is the biggest bitch in the fucking seven seas! You know what it is?
She only loves Donkey Kong. I know this because of a musical number. [♪ Song: “Our Love Is Stronger Than A Golden Banana”♪ ] Yeah, you thought I was kidding. But it’s real. Also, they used motion capture to do the…uh dancing. [♪ Song: “Our Love Is Stronger Than A Golden Banana”♪ ] [DK] Happy birthday, Candy! [Bluster] You can’t be serious! [DK] I brought you these! [Dunk] Damn! Now that’s true love! Bunch of fuckin’ bananas on a green stick. [DK] ♪ Your love is like a dream come true ♪ [Dunkey laughing] [Candy] ♪ You are the sunlight warming- ♪
[Dunkey laughing] [King K.Rool] Just watch. [Candy] Donkey Kong?! [DK] What? What did I do? [Candy] Whose banana peel is that? [DK] What banana peel? [Candy] THE ONE ON YOUR HEAD, YOU BABOON! Our date’s off. Don’t call me! Don’t drop by! EVER! [Dunk] JE- [Dunk] -SUS CHRIST! What the fuck, lady? Years of friendship: gone! Negated by this single banana. [Candy] ♪ Our love is like a Summer Breeze ♪ [DK] ♪ Can’t you see we’re meant to be ♪ [Both] ♪ Our love is stronger than a Golden Banana ♪ ♪ Our love is stronger than a Golden Banana ♪ [Dunk] Unless I trip on one banana peel then this shit is over forever! [DK] I’ll walk the rest of the way with my buddy DICKS (Dixie). Catch you later, Diddy! [Dunk] That’s Dixie Kong… (laughs) [DK] I used to hang here with my girl… But that’s history…
*Studio audience awwww sound FX* [Dixie] Aw, you’ll hook up with somebody, DK. (Krusha laughs) [Krusha] Hey, what about you, Dixie?
[Imitating DK’s voice] Little Dixie doodle… You are fine! [Dixie] Huh?! [Dunk] Now, this is a very complicated scene with a lot of moving parts. I think it’s best we, uh, analyze each element on its own. Like, first, let’s appreciate that this blue guy back here, he is able to… Perfectly replicate Donkey Kong’s voice. [Dixie] Hey! What is up with you? [DK] Huh? I didn’t say anything! [Dixie] Dogging your best friend! Humph! [Dunk] Now, this is where it gets more impressive. The blue guy… okay. He can- he can do Donkey Kong’s voice perfectly, but now he is actually able to talk in such a frequency where only Dixie Kong is able to hear what he says even though Donkey Kong is sitting right there. He’s sitting RIGHT in front of that tree. [Dixie] Wait ’til Diddy gets a load of this! [DK] What? What did I say? *Meanwhile* [K.Rool] Oh, my! [Dunk] Okay. I can explain this. Uhm… K. Rool… He finds a book. Which tells him that, by cutting Donkey Kong’s hair, you actually, uh, deactivate his monkey strength.
[Like Samson?] So, K.Rool builds a robot… [Candy Robot] Snip-clip, power-slip, you’re a wimp and that’s it! [DK] What? [Candy Robot] Snip-snip, gonna clip! Make you my sweet and sexy chimp. [Dunk] You dumb fuckin’ robot! Donkey Kong’s never gonna fall for that shit in a hundred years. Look at your face! It looks like a car ran over it- Aaand… he’s a hundred percent gonna fall for it. [Candy Robot] Come here, you hunk of love! [DK] Okay then! Chop-Chop! [Candy Robot] All done! That wasn’t so bad, was it? Do you like it? [Dunk] Yep. He likes it. So now, with Donkey Kong rendered powerless, K.Rool sends in this stupid-ass blue guy to kill Donkey Kong and he steals the crystal. Truly, all hope is lost. [DK] ♪ I don’t know what’s happenin’ to me ♪
[ ♪ Donkey Kong – I’m Nobody’s Hero ♪ ] ♪ I’m gettin’ all the blame for things I didn’t do ♪ ♪ Can anybody tell me just what I did wrong ♪ [DK] Chop-chop! ♪ Once I was the ape of the hour ♪ ♪ Now they think I’m a coward ♪ ♪ An absolute zero ♪ ♪ I’m nobody’s hero ♪ ♪ An absolute zero ♪ [Dunk] But then, this happens… [Diddy] Banana bullseye! [DK] Huh? [Diddy] Look! It’s your head! Your hair is growing back! (laughs happily) [DK] So are my muscles! [Dunk] Just an incredible show. [End Credits] [Outro]