Eliud Kipchoge’s Historic Marathon Run, “Prenups” for Babies & Farmers’ Sex Lives | The Daily Show

Eliud Kipchoge’s Historic Marathon Run, “Prenups” for Babies & Farmers’ Sex Lives | The Daily Show


The world of marathon running. Most people just run them
so that they can brag to their friends
about running marathons. Although that’s not
why I run them. I, uh, I do it
for the tiny cups of water. Anyway, this weekend, one man ran straight
into the record books. In Vienna, Austria,
a marathon runner from Kenya made history
going the distance in under two hours
for the first time. TV REPORTER: One hour,
59 minutes and 40 seconds, but it won’t be counted
as a new world record because it wasn’t
an official race. All of it stage-managed
in forensic detail, a specially-chosen flat
six mile circuit in Vienna. Kipchoge wore the much-debated
white Nike Vaporflys, and there was an army
of three dozen pacers, some of the world’s
best marathoners, who took turns pounding
the grueling four minute and 34 second mile
pace in formation. Wow, that is amazing. Eliud Kipchoge ran a marathon
in less than two hours, which was thought to be
physically impossible. And you know this guy’s a freak
athlete because, I mean, like, he kept running after
he crossed the finish line. That was insane. Like, usually when someone
finishes a marathon, they’re like, (panting):
“I did it. My nipples fell off
but I did it.” And this guy’s just like,
“That was a good warm-up. “Now for the race. Eh,
what are we doing, eh? Are we ready?” I love how some people
are now saying that the only reason
he broke this record is because he had on
special Nike running shoes. Yeah, you know what?
Why don’t you go get those shoes and you tell me
how fast your time is. Go. We’ll wait.
Go get those shoes. (cheering and applause) Come on, you can’t give
the shoes credit. You can’t give
the shoes the credit. If anything, him being Kenyan
is the cheating part. That’s being unfair. Yeah. He wasn’t like, “Oh, my God,
I’m wearing these Nikes.” It’s more like the Nikes
were like, “Oh, my God. “We’re wearing a Kenyan.
We’re gonna win! We’re gonna win!” Moving on. Having a baby changes your life. You have to take care of it
for 18 years or until Maury tells you
you’re not the father. And apparently,
with great responsibility comes great amounts
of paperwork. -TV REPORTER: Bringing home baby
-(baby crying) can be overwhelming, but now,
expectant couples are creating baby pre-nups, or contracts, to help ease
the stress. WOMAN: A baby pre-nup
is an agreement made between both parents
where they know what their roles
will look like, what their duties may be like once the baby arrives,
so that there’s no surprises. We signed the document
with witnesses. Some things that we included
were things like grandchild
and grandparent access as well as financial
implications. Yes, the newest fad in
white people childrearing is baby pre-nups. And look, I’m just
gonna put it out there. If you need your partner
to sign a pre-nup that they’re gonna help you
raise a kid, maybe you don’t want to raise a
kid with that person. Uh, ’cause how are you
even gonna enforce that? Right? Are you just
gonna come home like, “Hey, did you feed the kid?” “No.”
“Then I’ll see you in court.” I think it’s becoming
too stressful to become friends with couples
who have babies these days. First it was baby showers, then it became
gender reveal parties, now I’ve got to be a witness
to your pre-nup signing? Like, if I wanted to be this
big part of your baby life, then I should have a say in
whether or not you have one. Like, the couple should have
to phone friends and be like, “Hey, Trevor, we’re thinking
of having a baby.” I’d be like, “Actually, guys,
I’m trying to focus “on my career right now. “I can’t be friends with, like,
a couple who has a baby. I’m sorry.” Baby pre-nup. You know who should sign
baby pre-nups? Babies. Yeah. They’re the ones
who should make guarantees. Before they come out,
they need to put it in writing what they’re gonna do
or not do. You’ll only cry
between 4:00 and 5:00 a.m.,
not the whole night. You know,
you’re only gonna shit yourself this many times in a day. Yeah, it would be great
if they sign a contract. Then when the baby’s,
like, losing their mind at, like, 2:00 a.m., you can
just show them the contract. They’d be like…
(imitating crying) And you’re like, “Ah, ah, ah.” The baby’s like, “Aah,
I’ll see you in a few hours. Aah.” Oh, and speaking of babies, uh, let’s talk
about how they’re made. NEWSWOMAN:
Well, guess who’s having a field day in the sheets. A new study shows farmers have the most sex
out of any other profession, on average having sex
at least once a day. 67% of them rate their
performance as incredible. Sex experts say
it’s because farmers are likely to be more fit
than deskbound city dwellers and have more stamina. Farmers were closely followed
by architects and hairdressers
for having the most sex. At the bottom of the list,
journalists. (laughter and applause) Yeah, that’s right. Apparently,
of all the professions, farmers have the most sex, and journalists have the least. Which doesn’t shock me,
all right? In this era, journalists
don’t have time to be having sex because Trump
is always breaking news. I bet every time journalists try
and set the mood… They’ll be at home,
like, lighting candles. They’ll be like,
“Baby, it’s time.” (vocalizing) “I’ve been really trying
to build this wall.” “Goddamn it, he did it again!” And as for the farmers, like, of course
they have a lot of sex. Farming is a sexy profession.
Think about it. All day, what do they do?
Plowing, huh? Planting seeds. Growing eggplants. Watering vagina trees. Yeah. Although, although, I will say, they didn’t say farmers
are having sex with people. Yeah. They just said
they have the most sex. All I’m saying is scarecrows
don’t need to have mouths. That’s all I’m saying.

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  1. Hah, now people are so lazy they just requote what's been said in the video and get the highest likes? Come on, keyboard warriors, you got a name to live up too.

  2. As a parent, I'm telling you, you never know what the duties will be like. It really depends on what they eat and how hydrated the are.

  3. LOL. That's funny. I was curious who the actual holder of the world record was so I looked it up. "Google who is the world record holder for the marathon": At 2 hours 1 minute and 39 seconds, set in the Berlin Marathon by Eliud Kipchoge of Kenya on 16 September 2018

  4. A 1 hr 59 mins and 40 sec nike ad…. Kipchoge better get paid!!!
    Newest fad indeed … smh😒
    How was the sex research done… just curious.

  5. I kinda like the baby prenup idea in the sense that there’s no level of “wait I thought you were going to get up with him!!” Definitely makes intercouple conflict resolution better

  6. SIMPLE…… DON'T HAVE BABIES TO TIE DOWN A PARTNER😤😤😤 The relationship is bound to fail!!! Such a selfish ACT….. And the guts to ask other people to help you deal with your irresponsibility? Coupled with putting a baby/human being through the emotional trauma of being in your stupid selfish life….

    DON'T HAVE A BABY if you can not take care of him/her.

    Babies are not TOYS!!!! You are messing up people's lives by making these foolish, selfish and wicked choices!!!!!

    The only victims are the vulnerable POOR babies who grow up to be emotionally BROKEN ADULTS😖

  7. Of course the study says journalists have the least sex. When the people running the study heard journalists say perfectly normal answers, they assumed that was fake news.

  8. He turned that farmer conversation into a three point turn.
    Trump, implied bestiality, and pumpkins.
    Although the first has some suspicious connections to the others.

  9. Ya those shoes defiantly played a role. Not trying to take away his achievement but let's not discount human engineering either. If you disagree then the next time you buy shoes just save a little extra and get the nicest pair at the Nike or Adidas store, your feet will convince you. Mine certainly did.

  10. Just when I thought the Snowflakes couldn't possibly be more idiotic, along comes… Baby Prenups!!!
    If you need a document spelling out what you need to expect as a parent, and what your role is, you should NOT become a parent!
    Also, they don't seem to understand the word, "prenuptial" in definition or context.

    Yeah, I'm thinking such people should not breed.

  11. Seriously it’s the physique of the person that runs great! not any damn shoes. He could of have been barefooted and he still would’ve won!

  12. Seriously what type a marriage is it that you need a fucking prenup for a child that people have nothing better to do than make up stupid documents such as this wow if you don’t even get along with your spouse before the marriage and then you have a baby and you’re trying to tell you husband to do this and that and he doesn’t that’s not even a strong marriage. So you have to make up. Stupid prenup baby signing agreement so that you get him to help you with the duties of taking care of the habit?! That’s just down right sad! You know what people done till time was old? Just cut him off from sex till he helps you with the kid! Problem solved. Lmao

  13. It is so white people child rearing. What the hell is a baby prenup. Please then don't freaking give birth to the baby. You mustn't have a baby.

  14. Damn I was hoping this baby prenup thing was more like a very late term abortion thing. I was watching this and praying for a legal reason to give my thirteen yr old away…

  15. I refuse to get sucked into parenthood in a heterosexual relationship knowing how little men participate in child care. 😂😂😂

  16. Heavens rolles that child could litterly think should i go back to where i came from cries/laughingofcryingoflaughing How can WE do that politics?????!!!!!!

  17. Is parenting this bad in the US that people have prenups.
    Planned pregnancies were not enough.
    I have an easy solution.
    Don't have kids at all saves money and time.

  18. Nike makes special shoes for special specific reasons. What is wrong with society

    TRACK
    SOCCER
    FOOTBALL
    LIFESTYLE

    lol who wrote her dialogue

  19. I’m not saying you have to sign a contract but I do think clearly defining which partner or parent will be doing which responsibilities is a good idea. Obviously shit frequently hits the fan and you’d have to adapt but miscommunication is a huge relationship killer. So it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever heard of? 😂

  20. When a women says “I’m an educated, smart, strong and independent women..”

    all the good men will run faster than kipchoge without the need for pacers

  21. Lmaoo y'all nailed it with the Nikes wearing a Kenyan joke 😅 I was thinking the same damn thing 🏃🏿‍♂️💨

  22. I think Trevor is confusing "getting fucked" with "having sex". Trumpette's trade policies have been royally fucking farmers, esp of soya and pork, for the past two years.

  23. the shoes do actually matter like cleats in soccer or baseball ect..but i know its the persons talent that matters most and i know its comedy show but cmon this blatant d riding here is annoying

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