Everything Is Stupid – Halloween | The Daily Show

Everything Is Stupid – Halloween | The Daily Show


It’s Halloween… again. Or as I like to call it, “the
stupidest time of the year.” ‘Cause you’ve got dumb kids
coming to your house, begging for candy, and then,
you have everyone else trying to come up with a costume
that’s topical but also hot. “Oh, look at me.
I’m Sexy Quid Pro Quo.” (laughter) What does that even mean? But Halloween also means businesses are pretending
they’re cool by coming up with spooky
promotions, like this guy. A car wash in Ohio is doubling
down as a haunted house. Check it out. Customers can enjoy
the spooky experience while riding
through the car wash. These actors dressed
in scary Halloween costumes will wipe down cars
and scare customers. The frightening car wash
costs 20 bucks. Not only are you locked
in your car in a haunted house, but you’re gonna go home with what we think is
the cleanest car in the Ohio. (laughter) “The cleanest car in Ohio.” Who cares?
It’s still in Ohio. (laughter) I’d rather have the second
dirtiest car anywhere else. More importantly,
why did you have to combine these two things? How busy are people? Are you really
just sitting around like, “Yo, I got time for
a haunted house or a car wash. I can’t do both.” And how is this even scary? I’m not scared of Freddy Krueger
if he’s working for me for tips. (laughter) But if you want a haunted house
that has less sitting and more crapping your pants,
then you’re in luck. The country’s scariest haunted
house is offering $20,000 for anyone
who can get through this thing. MAN:
So just to get in, you’ll need
to watch a two-hour-long video, sign a 40-page waiver, bring a doctor’s note saying
you passed a physical, and have a safe word
for when you want to give up. MAN 2: The haunted house
includes intense audio, lighting, extreme low
visibility, gross stuff, close contact with creatures–
they may touch you– and graphic and pretty real
scenes of horror. WOMAN: Now, the tour taps
into your personal fears, such as being buried alive
or drowning. The entire experience can last
up to ten hours. (audience groaning) -Holy shit.
-(laughter) Close contact with disgusting
creatures that may touch you? That’s not a haunted house. That’s a sleepover
at Jeffrey Epstein’s place. -Right?
-(laughter, groaning) Look, can we all just agree that haunted houses are stupid? It’s a bunch of losers yelling
“Boo!” You’re booing me?
I’m booing you. Boo! Boo! That blood looks fake. Boo! The whole idea of a haunted
house combines two things I don’t want to do, okay–
be scared and go to someone else’s house. I mean, if you want to spend
money to have a shitty night, just go on a Tinder date, okay? -(laughter, groaning)
-Oh. “Oh, wow.
That’s so interesting. I’ve never met anyone
who likes to travel before.” (laughter) Honestly, the scariest thing about Halloween is
how corporate it is, okay? You can’t do anything without running
into promotional bullshit. MAN: Just in time for Halloween,
Burger King’s introducing what they’re calling
the “Ghost Whopper.” WOMAN:
Chipotle is back with its annual Boorito deal
for Halloween. If customers come in dressed
in costume on Halloween, they can get a burrito
for just four bucks. MAN 2: In honor of Halloween,
the coffee giant is debuting– check it out right there–
the Phantom Frappuccino. It is a black and green drink. MAN 3: The food product,
designed to look like slime, contains charcoal powder
to add the black coloring. Well, activated charcoal is
banned in New York City because of safety concerns
tied to it. Damn, that drink got banned
in New York? Do you know how bad
that coffee has to be to be considered a health risk
in New York? This is the same city where
pizza gets delivered by a rat. Right? So, yo. And if you ask me, all these
gimmicks are so unnecessary. Fast food is already scary,
okay? Just put a flashlight
under your chin -and read the list of
ingredients. Ew. -Wow, Ronny. Ronny, you’re-you’re really not
into the season. Are you…? Like, do you celebrate
anything Halloween? Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. I-I love getting
into the Halloween spirit. I buy candy,
and when trick-or-treaters come to my door,
I eat it in their faces to show them
that nothing in life is free. Ronny Chieng, everyone.

Only registered users can comment.

  1. I mean.. I always thought Valentine's Day is the stupidest holiday. It's a holiday about love for a single day, when love is to be cherished everyday. Halloween is about having fun when being scared, and candy

  2. You want to know what stupid really is it's this raggy ass boring not funny at all lame ass show and luck luck chow needs to work on his english

  3. That haunted house that has you for 10 hours is nothing morethan a legal torture chamber!!! i would not recommend it to anyone and frankly don't think it should exist. The creator of that thing is just a perverted loser who gets off on hurting people and uses halloween as a pretext to do it legally.

  4. Can we talk about how the waiver says that they're not responsible for your death and that panic attacks aren't a reason for them to stop? I need at least 3/4 of a million if you're gonna trip my anxiety AND kill me.

  5. they are actually TORTURING people in that haunted house!!! some said they also got raped, had to eat their own or others vomit or got their teeth and nails removed without anything to soften the pain. there is no safeword and you can't sue because of the contract

  6. Ronny: Oh yeah I get into the Halloween spirit by buying candy and when the trick or treaters show I just eat it in front of them to show them that nothing is free
    Me: Daaaaaaaaaaaamn! Poor kids what a slam by Ronny and its absolutely perfect!

  7. I don't care if a partial asian boredom peddler doesn't get excited about Holloween; dahfuk is wrong with you babies…someone snatch your candy and you made poopy in your store bought pussy suit? You bagging on Holloween is like me bagging on you sitting around stuffing your ass with dildos you pulled out of the dumpster behind the porn store because you didn't have the courage to just park out front and buy one. Samhain forever bitches!

  8. Pbbbbbpt!!! Those crazy folks put trash all around the pyramid doors and everything it's a living space for rats forever I would like to see how it looks today

  9. I love Ronny's scenes. He is maybe the best part of the show – though despite this I hope he never starts his own show, because then he would have to adopt a main-part role as well, which I think would dampen it all… But of course I might be wrong. Maybe he'd ace that too.

  10. This place is not a haunted house; it's a torture house where they whip, cut, beat their "customers." They've got a 40 page wavier that list a series of torture methods that may be used like pulling out teeth, nails breaking or fracturing fingers.

  11. AAAAAAAA!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 FUNNY!!!
    I need to go read some food labels, bored… 😁😁😁👍

  12. Halloween stands against everything i believe, like being scared by a couple of strangers but you can't rum to your mum for help. TF

  13. Is it just me or does Ronny seem to end up on the " And now I'm gonna whine and complain about _____" segments like… all the time these days?

  14. 哈,,,打虎即兄弟,恭喜,鸽子会大功率助凡帝哪位偶像伯伯更升级,希望凡帝叔叔别介意,因为,,,打击邪教,人人有责,因为三合共济会期,死亡多族,总不能坐视不理又枉亡多族,,,打倒狮主邪教,打挎邪教,,,不如,,,难的鸽子行(有死无生之险),而卞旧约律立册者你文人众行卞,以己心立新律众,,,如何,??。
    唉,,,可能担除邪狮会,鸽子没法见葛雷杜莉莉莎莎变勇仕,,,了,但,唐叔和侦探应会努力助女仕们成长勇壮,,,才是??。

  15. Yep sounds like a house I would want to go visit 🥴GTFOH who the hell gets scared of shit that don't exist 🤷🏻‍♂️it silly and I have completely out grown it. Now if a my girl wants to cosplay that's different also comicon is awesome 👍 that's fun

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *