*Spooky music* *Fi Fai fo Fum* *…* *Screams* *I smell Diet Coke….* *Spooky music again* *Hmmm!* *Yummy…* *Screams* *Screams* *Fade to black, dramatic music aaand title card* Hello internet! Welcome to Film Theory! The Kaiju monster Of smart internet shows. *Matzilla scream* Wait, does that even make sense? An over-sized internet show about… I don’t know, I guess it sounded good in my head, but now, just saying it out loud I just sound stupid… And also, now that i think of, it’d be redundant since Kaiju implies the monster half, so…I don’t know, now I’m all screwed up. ANYWAY! When it comes to over-sized Kaiju monsters!– double redundancy there! No one beats… Gamera~! Kids; Gamera! Gamera! Gamera!!! * HOLY CRAP TURTLE BACKFLIPZ OMG!!11 * I don’t care who you are! You can’t beat a rocket-powered, flying turtle monster! (Well, everyone knows that.) But the most famous of the Kaiju, *Bye Gamera!* are the two big ol’ classics themselves… Godzilla and King Kong. Over the years, these two enormous monsters have had dozens of movies made about them. I’m sure most of you are already familiar with Godzilla’s backstory. He’s a prehistoric sea monster awakened by nuclear radiation but King Kong’s backstory– well, that’s a bit more mysterious, or, at least it was…Until today! because I did the research, and by looking closely at the new movie “Kong: Skull Island,” past King Kong lore, and good old-fashioned science, we can start to piece together the big ape’s origin, and not ONLY that but also some of the hidden secrets that I predict you’ll be seeing revealed over the next few movies in this kaiju monster universe that’s been kicked off by “Godzilla” and “Skull Island.” Ready to go? Cue that ominous stinger! *Ominous music much?* Previously, the only thing we knew for certain about Kong was his home, Skull Island In the original 1930’s classic, this island was geographically located 12 degrees south and 78 degrees east on the map. The closest real-life island to these coordinates is the Cocos Island, otherwise known as the Keeling Island. And if you compare the Keeling Island to Skull Island, they’re pretty much an exact match– a coral atoll teeming with overgrown vegetables and a tropical monsoon climate. I mean, the only REAL difference between the two is that one’s renowned for its beautiful beaches and the other has prehistoric dragon creatures and a giant ape. So… pretty much the exact same. *Camera flash, ukulele music, cheerings from Cocos Island!* And that was all we had for decades. Now fast-forward to 2004 and the release of Peter Jackson’s “King Kong” remake. In a tie-in novel released alongside the movie, it’s revealed that Kong and the other prehistoric creatures on Skull Island survived due to its isolated location. But is that even possible? Could some large monsters from prehistoric times have survived thousands of years past that ancient extinction asteroid that killed off the dinosaurs and be hiding out in some remote island today? Well, yes! And no. You see, there are quite a few Jurassic-age species that survived the K-T Extinction Event, or the Cretaceous-Tertiary Extinction Event. That’s the fancy, scientific name for the events that killed off the dinosaurs. And when I say quite a few, I mean a bunch! I mean, we all think of that asteroid hitting the earth as an event that killed off EVERYTHING, but in reality, almost 84% of marine life made it: crocodiles, certain types of fish, frogs, even a few, small land mammals. Don’t believe the lies your third-grade science teacher is peddlin’! *Matpat Falcon Punches your third-grade lying teacher* But there is a key word here, and that word is small. After the asteroid’s impact with earth, the theory goes that the atmosphere changed drastically. So some smaller species survived, but larger species–BOOM! Completely wiped out. Thus, dinosaurs=extinct. But there is one way dinosaurs actually could have survived, and that’s underground. In 2007, scientists discovered an underground den of dinosaur bones, suggesting that some dinosaurs survived that initial K-T extinction by avoiding the extreme changes in the environment in the only place that was safe–inside the earth. And we see that the new movie “Kong: Skull Island” actually backs that theory up. Houston Brooks (ding!) one of the Monarch scientists on the hunt for the kaiju, name-drops the Hollow Earth Theory. This theory claims that within the earth, there are hollow interior spaces that have their own magnetic poles and atmospheres. Per Brooks, the dinosaurs must have gone into these hollow spaces, surviving well-past the K-T event, to the 1970s when the movie begins, which, scientifically speaking, in the real world is incredibly far-fetched, but in the Kong-verse, it’s entirely possible and looks to be true! Thus, we have the origins of the underground Skull-Crawlers, and in a brilliant design detail on the part of the movie’s designers, you can tell that the Skull-Crawlers adapted to a life spent burrowed within the earth. They have sunken eyes and skeletal features. It’s awesome to see that level of detail! But NONE of this explains Kong. He’s still as hairy and muscular as ever, showing no signs of his species having to adapt to living in caves for millions of years. There’s . . . something else going on here. So if Kong wasn’t Netflix and chilling since prehistoric times, then where did he come from? To figure this out, we need to trace Kong’s family history. The closest ancient ancestors to Kong are the Giganthopithecus Blacki, a species of ape that existed from 9 million to one hundred thousand years ago. These apes, originating from South China and Vietnam, were the biggest apes that ever walked the earth, standing at a whopping ten feet tall! But, obviously, even at ten feet tall, Kong dwarfs these giant apes. According to “Kong: Skull Island’s” director, quote, So that places him nearly ten times the height of the Giganthopithecus, and while I admit that may seem initially like a theory killer, a recent study published in the 2015 “Journal of Science” tracked the relationship between the sizes of large animals and time. According to their study, it took 542 million years for marine animals to increase in size by 150-fold. Comparing this statistical growth to the Giganthopithecus Blacki’s 9 million year history, the average size could, theoretically, increase by . . . 150 divided by 542 million equals x over 9 million, cross-multiply, divide and separate out the X and (drum roll)– APPROXIMATELY 2.5 TIMES! Uh . . . yeah. So at most, it would be, like, twenty feet, not the hundred-foot mammoth that we end up seeing, so . . . Yeah, that one ended up being a theory killer. (shattering sound) But hey, you know what, that’s OK because there’d still be one fatal flaw. In “Kong: Skull Island,” the downed World War II pilot Hank Marlow reveals that the local tribes on the island had to survive thousands of years against the Skull-Crawlers without any help from Kong. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, the Kongs appeared and fought back against the Skull-Crawlers, protecting the tribe members. But . . . that’s a weird detail right? Giant apes don’t just pop into existence. They gotta come from somewhere. It’s almost like Kong was placed on the island rather than grew up there, and THAT’S exactly what happened. If you pay close attention to the new movie, there’s a blink-and-you’ll miss it cameo by a familiar name that gives this whole conspiracy away. When Marlow reveals the island’s history to the group of survivors, they’re in a temple the natives built to worship Kong, and where’s that temple located? Inside of a ship. But why would the natives ever build their temple in the decrepit bowels of a ship instead of, say, a cave, or something? Well, as the characters enter into the ship-temple, for a few seconds we see the ship’s name– Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar, the Wanderer is the name of the ship from the 1930’s film, the ship that transported King Kong from Skull Island to New York, but in this new reboot, the Wanderer isn’t rusting on the docks of New York but instead it’s rusting away on Skull Island. This new reboot has deliberately inverted the boat’s whereabouts, suggesting that Kong wasn’t brought from Skull Island to New York, as it’s always been, but instead was brought from New York to Skull Island. The locals have created an altar for Kong in the ship that delivered their savior to them. Now, before you call me bananas, remember that the most important thing about this new version of “King Kong” and the thing that separates it out from all previous versions, is that it’s a part of a shared universe with Godzilla– because everyone wants to be Marvel these days– and in the 2014 “Godzilla” movie, we actually learn the U. S. government already knows about the existence of kaiju as early as 1850. In fact, the kaiju are such a threat that the U. S. government forms MONARCH, a secret organization to hunt and study these giant monsters MONARCH even lures Godzilla to an island where they detonate a nuke to kill it. Of course, this nuke has the opposite effect. Godzilla actually gets stronger with each dose of radiation. So, facing monsters that take their greatest weapon of the atom bomb and treat it like a shot of Power Thirst, what could MONARCH possibly do other than create their own monster? And that’s not just me spit-balling; just look at the company name itself. In the real world, Monarch is a real company, a company that, according to their website, collects information on genes and mutations for biomedical research. And if you think it’s just a coincidence that the fictional MONARCH government agency and this real scientific institution just so happened to share the same name, look no further than their logos. They’re almost exactly alike–two sideways infinity symbols. What I’m saying is that in the movies King isn’t just some random prehistoric ape. The science and timelines just don’t add up, but you know what does? Gene mutations done by MONARCH. I mean, scientists are already using gene mutation to increase the size of animals Researchers at the Salk Institute created genetically stronger and larger mice by suppressing specific genes, and genetically modified salmon are programmed to grow year-round instead of just during spring and summer. After just eighteen months, these salmon were almost double the length and three times the weight of a normal salmon. So it’s not that far of a stretch to say that a fictional government organization named after a REAL organization that specializes in gene science would use this exact same tech to craft genetically larger apes. As we learn in “Skull Island,” per Marlow, King Kong’s only just a kid, which doesn’t actually make sense on paper. Given that the lifespan of a typical ape is forty years, and Marlow’s only been stuck on the island for twenty-six, Kong should be pushing middle-age, and yet King Kong is “still only a kid”? Why? Well, because of genetic modification. During puberty in animals, there’s an increased production of the hormone estrogen. The high-concentration of estrogen in the blood causes growth plates in the bones to fuse thus closing down growth centers of bones and preventing my pimply-sixteen-year-old self from getting taller. However, if you manipulated TeenPat’s genes to reduce the production of estrogen during puberty, then the size of my nerdy, Dockers-wearing self would increase without limit. I would finally become the tall, masculine god that I have always envisioned myself to be! The same applies to Kong! If MONARCH had altered the ape’s genetic makeup to keep him growing, what they essentially did was delay his puberty, keeping him, as Marlow says, “only a kid.” So then, what is the true lineage of King Kong? Well, lemme break it down for ya. In the 1850s, scientists discovered the existence of kaiju-life living within the earth’s surface. They try everything to defeat these monsters–bombs, nukes, radiation poisoning–but nothing works. Faced with an unprecedented threat, they decide to fight fire with fire, creating their own genetically-modified creatures– super-large apes. After creating these apes, they ship them off to an isolated island, an island, per their research, that may be a hot-spot for kaiju life. They wait for over sixty years for their apes to grow and evolve on that island, but in the 1970’s, as their money and influence dwindles, MONARCH has no choice but to prove to the government that their research wasn’t for naught. (crash sound) They send two scientists armed with a couple of bombs and a camera on a trip to Skull Island to document the fruits of their labor. Once over the island, these scientists drop bombs, awakening the kaiju’s dwelling beneath the earth’s surface, all to see if their monster, King Kong, has what it takes to defeat them. The whole trip to Skull Island in the new Kong movie is nothing more than a test-run to see if MONACH’s masterpiece, King Kong, has what it takes to defeat humanity’s greatest threat–Godzilla. It’s just gonna take until 2020 and the whole connected, kaiju universe to see these two skyscraper-sized monsters finally cross paths! But hey, that’s just a theory–a Film Theory! Aaaaaaaand cut! Remember a few weeks ago when I did that episode on “The Walking Dead,” talking about how the series is all touchy-feely, got to interview Robert Kirkman the creator of the series to talk to him about theories, both the good (like secret clues hidden in Tyreese’s death) and the bad (like the coma theories)? “You heard it here–” “That would be the worst.” “Stop it with the coma!” Well, he and his team enjoyed the interview and the episode SO MUCH that they put me as a character in their video game– How cool is that?! Apparently, I’m a savior and armed (gun cocking sound) to the max! So if you ever wanted to team up with me, or feed me to a hoard of hungry zombies eager to tear out my throat with their teeth then download “Walking Dead: Road to Survival,” and when you find me, take a screenshot and send it on in! I would love to see you guys mutilate my twitching undead corpse. And hey, a very, very special thank you to the Walking Dead and their gaming team Scopley for partnering with me to make that happen. Get slaughtering, my friends! I’ll leave a link in the description. I am so excited about this opportunity, and I am so excited to share it with you guys. So go out there, find me, and enjoy the game! It’s free to download, so really there’s no excuse outside of “I don’t have a phone,” in which case that’s a perfectly valid excuse. But otherwise, find me and kill me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I gotta prep for next week, and I believe the seas are calling my name.