Great so can you make some noise for the very funny, very famous, the very talented,
Mr. Kenny Sebastian. Big round of applause. Awesome. Okay, you guys are
a fantastic audience. Big round of applause for you guys. Such a lovely audience. Everyone spoke about
being middle class. And everyone agreed. So, lets call this
a middle class show. Yeah? It should have been free! Yeah. I just have this feeling. It should have been free! It’s awesome. And everyone spoke about their dad which is also what I am going to do. My dad’s over here so give him
a round of applause. My dad is like,
the fuckers are laughing now. Sweet.
I am really uncomfortable right now because I am wearing a jacket. And it is not a middle class
thing to wear a jacket because you have to dry clean. Which is a big thing in
a middle class house. When you buy something
and it’s dry-cleaned it’s like the President
of America has come home. Don’t go near it. I see people rich people
who wear suits normally. Like they are going on a flight. And I see them sitting with a suit. And he is eating. You dry clean everyday? It’s just like. In my house dry cleaning is
a yearly event. And my dad’s also damn shady, so he won’t tell us that
he is going for dry cleaning. Because suddenly you start…
My dad will be like, ‘Okay, I’m going for dry cleaning’. Dad, one second.
Take this jacket. Take this carpet. Take grandfather also. He hasn’t taken
a bath in quite a while. Shit. Now the bill will be
more than Rs.4,000/-. It’s awesome. My mom is super cute. She is OCD about cleaning. Wow. Cheer for that. All mom’s are OCD about cleaning. But did you know there is
an OCD university where the first rule is that you only clean the TV
when someone is watching it. It’s like she can sense that
importance is being given to the TV. Otherwise, the whole day, no one is watching the TV.
My mom won’t give a shit about the TV. The TV will be like,
‘Hey, girl. I’m dirty.’ Come clean me, girl. My mom’s says, ‘No’. There’s an unwritten
rule in the house. That everything in the house is in its place
because it is decided by my mom. It’s in its place
because my mom decided it to be like that. It’s not coincidence. If you move the table she will say, ‘What the fuck’. My house. So, if I put something somewhere
which does not belong there, it will disappear. My mom is as fast as an F1 pit crew. I’ll come home.
I’ll take out my keys. Put my wallet. Mom, I need that wallet. She would be the perfect criminal because she would leave no clues. They would say, ‘The dead body is here. There are no blood stains.’ The murder weapon is gone. His shirt has been ironed. My God, it’s Kenny’s mom! It’s awesome. It’s okay you can laugh. Not your mother. It’s fine. Laugh.
It’s fine. She’s cool with it. As long as I don’t move stuff
she is cool with it. She is only scared of two things. If something happens to me or if the gas cylinder explodes. I don’t know
who put this fear in Indian mothers about this gas cylinder, dude. And all the newspaper
will dedicate one article. 20 people died. Because their son said, ‘Yeah, I switched of the gas
but he didn’t’. My mom has said, ‘Hey, have you switched off the gas?’
more than ‘I love you’. There is a golden timing rule that every mother has
which is three seconds. If she asks you to do something, you have to do it in three seconds. If you cross that threshold she will do something unimaginable. She will do it herself. Which is so depressing, you will feel,
‘The one thing she asked me to do…’. It’s insane. It’s so sweet. Awesome. No mothers are here.
It’s cool. My dad on the other hand
is damn cool. He is damn cool. Except about one thing. The only thing
that bothers my dad is who the hell left the lights on. That’s something my dad cannot… And my dad is not like my mom. My mom is very immediate with feedback. What the hell are you doing
with the lights. Immediately! My dad’s very passive aggressive. He will come over and say, ‘Hi, Kenny. How are you?’ Oh, you are on your laptop.
Very nice. What are you doing? Facebook? Very productive. I notice you are sitting under the light. The tube light. Basking on the photons. Photons I paid for. Fun fact, Kenny. If you are sitting here and your bedroom is on top, who the hell left the lights on,
Kenny? It’s me. And you have to do it right then. I did it. Go switch it off right now. And he will stand there and as you move his head
follows your body. And as I go to the first floor, he is looking at me
through the floor. It is insane. But he is cool.