July Democratic Debates – Night One  | The Daily Show

July Democratic Debates – Night One | The Daily Show


This was a truly important night
for America. A night where
the nation tuned in to watch one man emerge from
a giant field of candidates and achieve
a hard-fought victory. That’s right. Tonight was
The Bachelorette finale. (laughter) You did the right thing, Hannah.
Jed was no good for you. Uh, tonight was…
Oh, yeah, tonight was also
an important night because we just
finished watching the second Democratic presidential debate. Now this debate was held
in Detroit, Michigan, which is significant
for a couple of reasons. First– because Michigan is
a major swing state. Secondly,
because the Fox Theatre is where the debate was held. It’s one of the most pivotal…
pivotal moments in presidential
campaign history. WOMAN: It’s all happening here
in Downtown Detroit at the the Fox Theatre,
the same debate venue where Donald Trump talked
about the size of his hands. He referred to my hands. If they’re small,
something else must be small. I guarantee you,
there’s no problem. I guarantee. -(laughter, groaning)
-Oh, that was so embarrassing. Whatever happened to that guy? Now, just like the last time, this was the first
of two nights of debates with ten candidates each night,
so the format is the same. But there is one
major difference. Montana Governor Steve Bullock– he took the spot
of Congressman Eric Swalwell, who tragically got caught in a
trap set by candidate poachers. And you may be wondering
how they decided which candidates would debate
on which night. Well, it was all up to CNN,
which means the process was about
as ridiculous as possible. Breaking this pile into thirds, putting this
in the debate night box here, where I will give it a stir. And we will get going to see… when these candidates
will be debating. First out of ten names here… is Bill de Blasio,
mayor of New York. He ran…
He was the campaign manager for Hillary Clinton’s successful
bid for the Senate in 2000. He’ll take the stage on the
second night, Wednesday July 31. Okay, what?
What is going on? I feel like
I’m watching bloopers from the courtroom scene
in Chernobyl. That’s what this feels like. It’s like,
“And when we mix Bill de Blasio “with Marianne Williamson,
it creates a chain reaction which could destroy
an entire city!” Like, I don’t know why
CNN couldn’t just tell us which candidates would go
on which night. Like, if they were gonna do
this dramatic process, they should have had more fun
with it, you know? Like, if I was in charge, right,
I would have… I would have done…
I’ve also got a box. Yeah. Yeah, I would have
just been like, “Okay, “well, let’s see over here. “We’ve got, uh, Bernie Sanders “is gonna be, uh,
debating, uh… “without pants! “There you go! There you go! That’s what the debate’s
gonna be!” Have more fun! Now, CNN’s selection and their
show may have been weird, but even more weird is the fact that every Democratic debate now comes with commentary
from O.J. Simpson. Yes, that O.J.
You know O.J. The guy who used to star
in those Hertz commercials? Yes? Allegedly? And just like he did
with the debates in June, O.J. was on Twitter today sharing his thoughts
on the primary race. As far as the debates
are concerned, I saw where one of the people
actually put out a plan, something for them to, uh, uh,
debate the merits of tonight. Now, they all should do that. It’s easy to say, “Oh,
we should fix global warming. “Oh, we should have
an affordable health care plan. We should have a chicken
in every pot.” All of that sounds good. The question is:
how are you going to do it? Oh, I hear
what O.J. is saying. He’s saying these Democrats
can’t just show up to the debate without a plan. They’ve got
to premeditate this thing. (laughter, groaning, clamoring) But enough…
enough with the preamble. Let’s get to tonight’s debate
and its preamble, because instead of jumping
straight into the debate, CNN started with a long
fight-night promo, right? And then, an endless stream
of all the Democratic candidates shaking hands with each other,
which took forever. Because there are, like,
50 people on the stage. And secondly, because
Marianne Williamson insisted on giving everyone
a palm reading. She was like, uh,
“Spoiler alert. You’re not gonna win,
Hickenlooper!” (laughter) But when the debate part of
the debate finally kicked off, it began with a number one issue
for most Democratic voters, and Americans at large–
health care. We can create a universal
health care system to give everyone basic health care
for free, and I have a proposal to do it. But we don’t have to go around
and be the party of subtraction and telling half the country
who has private health insurance that their health insurance
is illegal. We have tried this experiment
with the insurance companies. And what they’ve done is, they’ve sucked billions
of dollars out of our health care system. When we’re talking
about health care, we need to talk about more
than just the health care plan. We need to realize
we have a sickness care rather than
a health care system. Medicare for All
is comprehensive. It covers all health care needs
for senior citizens. It will finally include
dental care, hearing aids and eyeglasses. Okay, why…
why does Bernie sound like he’s pitching health care
only for himself? (laughter) “We will… we will cover
hearing aids, eyeglasses “and insurance
if you slip in the shower. “Uh, especially
in my downstairs shower “where it got that weird part
of mildew that gets slippery. The point is it’s for everyone!” (laughter) So, fundamentally, all the
Democrats on tonight’s stage, they, look, they agreed
on the basic idea of universal health care. What they disagreed on
was how exactly to do it. On Bernie’s end,
he was talking about one government-run
insurance system for everyone. On Delaney’s end
of the spectrum, it was a government plan and the option to also have
private health insurance But basically, it was different
flavors of the same thing. You know, it’s like on a night
where you and your friends agree that you’re gonna party
all night long, and then one of you
drinks Red Bull and the other one does cocaine–
it’s different levels. Different levels. But when it came to immigration, when it came to immigration,
tonight’s debaters were a lot less clear. When I’m president,
illegally crossing the border will still be illegal. We need to expand
legal immigration. We need to create
a path for citizenship, not just for dreamers. We got a hundred thousand people showing up at the border
right now. If we decriminalize entry, if we give health care
to everyone, we’ll have multiples of that. Make sure whatever law we have
doesn’t allow children to be snatched from their
parents and put in cages. How hard can that be?
We’ve got, I don’t know, on the two debate nights,
we’ve got 107 years of Washington experience–
somehow it seems like that should be fairly fixable. Why-why is Hickenlooper asking
the other candidates to give him the answers? He’s like, “Guys,
you guys have experience. What do you… what do you
think we should do here?” This is a presidential debate,
my friend, not an Escape the Room. He’s like, “Guys, if we put
our minds together…” Shut up!
That’s not how this works. If Hickenlooper’s elected,
he’ll be like, “I promise that
I will go on Yahoo! Answers to see if anyone knows
how to fix this thing.” Come on, Hickenlooper,
American politics isn’t about people coming together
to solve problems. It’s about one person making huge promises
they can’t get done. Although, in Hickenlooper’s
defense, maybe he was confused. Because the whole debate surrounding immigration tonight
was confusing. All right? At one point, it seemed like
the Democrats were saying illegal immigration
would still be illegal if they were in the White House. But then it sort of morphed,
and then at some point it seemed like it
wouldn’t be a crime to sneak across the border
into the U.S. It was a mess. And it’s
a mess that Donald Trump has successfully started
to create. ‘Cause you realize, he
started painting the Democrats as a party of open borders,
and now they’re struggling to convey their compassion
for asylum seekers without sounding like they want
to give visas to ISIS. And in the Democrats’ defense, anytime one of them tried
to make a nuanced argument, the moderator stepped in to tell
them that they were out of time. Those who are
insufficiently insured -Congressman.
-are enrolled in Medicare… -Just the 15 seconds.
-and those who have -Who is offering…
-employer-sponsored insurance -who’s offering…
-Jake, this is important. The health care industry
will be advertising tonight -on this program…
-Thank you, Senator. …big ideas
that we can get done. -Thank you, Congressman.
-The stakes are… -They will see a 40% reduction
-Thank you, Congressman. -Thank you, Congressman.
-in their health… -They want to deny…
-Thank you, Senator. If we could all
just stick to the rules of the time,
that would great. Yeah! You tell them, Jake.
Stick to the rules of the time. CNN doesn’t have time
for these candidates and all these people
debating on how they’re gonna lower the price
of prescription drugs. We’ve got to make an ad
for prescription drugs. -It’s coming up next. Come on.
-(laughter, groans) Voters are watching
the debate like, “I don’t know
who I’m voting for, “but I’m gonna ask my doctor
about Lipitor. -I got to talk to him.”
-(laughter) I’m gonna be honest,
this is, like, one of the major things
of the night for me. All right? According to CNN’s rules,
candidates would get as little as 15 seconds
to respond to a policy question. Which is great for snappy TV, but it’s horrible
for policy debate. You know?
It’s also a good thing that CNN doesn’t run
a restaurant. That would be horrible.
Just be, like, looking up at the waiter, who’s
Jake Tapper, you’ll be like, “I’ll order the pasta,
but I’m allergic to…” “Time’s up.
Thank you very much. That’s…” “No, but I’ll die if I…”
“I said thank you!” (laughter) Oh, and, uh, CNN didn’t have
time to let people elaborate on their response, but they
had time to start some beefs. You support Medicare for all. Congressman Delaney just
referred to it as “bad policy,” and previously, he has called
the idea “political suicide” that will just get
President Trump reelected. What do you say
to Congressman Delaney? In the last debate,
she said that politicians who are not supporting
Medicare for all simply lack the will
to fight for it. You do not support
Medicare for all. Is Senator Warren correct? Do you just not lack
the will to fight? Who on this stage is making
promises just to get elected? Ms. Williamson, how do you
respond to the criticism from Senator Warren that
you’re not willing to fight -for Medicare for all.
-(chuckles) I-I don’t know if Senator Warren
said that about me specifically. Wow. CNN, you catty bitch. (laughter) Half of those questions
might as well have been, pick three people on the stage,
F, Marry, Kill. Go, go. Like, I felt like at any moment
they were about to go like, “Oh, by the way, Elizabeth,
did you notice that Klobuchar “totally stole your look?
Just saying. -(laughter, applause)
-Just saying.” A-And look, don’t get me…
I’m not saying CNN wanted fights just to gin up the ratings. I’m just saying
it was a little suspicious when they even lowered
that cage over the stage. (laughter) And I don’t know if it was CNN or if it was the format
of the night, but Bernie Sanders
in particular, he seemed ready to throw down. Jake, your question is
a Republican talking point. What do you say
to Congressman Delaney? You’re wrong. (audience cheering) I’ve done the math.
It doesn’t add up. Maybe you did that and made
money off of health care, but our job is to run
a nonprofit health care system. If we’re gonna force Americans
to make these radical changes, they’re not gonna go along…
Throw your hands up, but… -All right.
-you haven’t… -You don’t know that, Bernie.
-Second of all… I do know it.
I wrote the damn bill. (audience cheering) Damn! Bernie was not
messing around tonight, huh? Yeah, I thought he was gonna
send someone to the hospital and then pay their entire bill. -(laughter)
-He was, uh… Whoo! The total opposite
of Bernie tonight, though, was Marianne Williamson. Yeah, she came in
with her trademark tranquility and peaceful vibes… and when it came
to issues of race, she got the crowd on her side. We have communities,
particularly communities of color and disadvantaged
communities, all over this country who are suffering from
environmental injustice. I assure you I lived
in Grosse Pointe. What happened in Flint would not
have happened in Grosse Pointe. This is part of the dark
underbelly of American society. The racism, the bigotry… And if the Democrats
don’t start saying it then why would those people feel
that they’re there for us? And if those people don’t
feel it, they won’t vote for us. And Donald Trump will win. Wow, Marianne Williamson, huh? That was a powerful moment
in the debate. I didn’t know it was possible
for a white woman to get that much attention
from black people without calling the cops. That was amazing. She was fire,
did you see that? It was an amazing night,
and for many people she was the winner
of the debate. She came out, she said
what she wanted to say. She didn’t waste her time. And all in all, like,
I don’t-I don’t think this was the most
earth-shattering debate. The timing of the questions
felt inconsistent, the candidates’ responses
weren’t crystal clear, and we didn’t really learn
anything new. One of the only exceptions
tonight was Elizabeth Warren. Right? She was connecting
with the audience. She seemed to be crystal clear
every time, and she never seemed
off her game. So I think Democrats win
when we run on real solutions, not impossible promises, when we run on things
that are workable, not fairy-tale economics. You know, I don’t understand why
anybody goes to all the trouble of running for president
of the United States just to talk about
what we really can’t do and shouldn’t fight for. I don’t get it. (cheers and applause) Mm. -Mm.
-(applause) Oh, Warren got Delaney there. And she’s got a good point. Running for president is about
shooting for the moon, right. When Trump ran for president, he didn’t run
with incremental ideas. He was like,
“Build a wall! Another country
will pay for it!” Yeah. Obama was, like,
“We can.” He wasn’t like, “Uh, we’ll, uh,
we’ll see. We’ll try. Uh… We can.” But some of these candidates
tonight are like, “Let’s make America
8.5 percent better than it was yesterday.” And that really was the biggest
split in the debate tonight, was Democrats who wanted
major systemic change, and those who wanted to fiddle
in the margins. And I’ll be honest. There’s only one side
that’s gonna win this. And it’s gonna be–
Sorry, what’s that? Jake Tapper says
I’ve run out of time? All right.

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