Kellen Erskine on High School Mascots – Dry Bar Comedy

Kellen Erskine on High School Mascots – Dry Bar Comedy


I’m disappointed
with the lack of originality when it comes to naming
high school football teams — especially when it comes to animals. There are a trillion species
on this planet, only nine are used for all sports
and I can prove it right now. Go ahead and clap if your high school
football team was the Eagles. Some Eagles here?
Alright. How about Bears?
Any Bears? Wow! That guy thinks high school mattered.
Alright. How about Lions?
Do we have any Lions here? There’s couple cowardly Lions in the back. How about Wildcats?
Do we have any of those? Yeah? That’s not even a thing. It’s a lazy meeting. – “What are you going to be?”
– “I don’t know. Some sort of wild cat.” “Yup, that’s it.” Meeting adjourned. I always do like to ask. So anybody here come from a high school
that had a unique team name? So nothing has ever been used in like
professional sports: NFL, NBA, baseball. Just go ahead and… yeah.
Don’t tell it to me. Just cheer. – What’s that?
– Buckaroo. The Buckaroo? Everyone cheering just sounds like
a condescending dad. “There you go, Buckaroo.” Even when you win, that can’t feel good:
“Good job, Buckaroo!” What else?
What else do we have here? – What’s that? The Scars?
– Dart. Oh, The Darts. She did a little “The Darts.” Oh, okay, the pointy ones.
Alright. Yeah. I thought you meant The Car. That would be weirder.
“The Darts.” The Darts.
Okay, just a second. We’re still… We’re still talking about Darts. What city are you from or state?
What’s that? – Kaysville, Utah.
– Kaysville, Utah? Okay, alright. Is that like a thing there? That’s number one
on TripAdvisor for Kaysville? “They have the best darts in Kaysville,
you know what I’m saying?” “No, no, the pointy ones.” – What else do we have?
– Beat Digger. – What’s that?
– Beat Digger. Beat Digger? That come from the cheap seats
in the balcony, of course. That’s how we earned our way here. Where are you from that you dig beats? – Jordan High School.
– What’s that? – Jordan.
– Jordan High School? Alright. That’s… that’s here, right? This is going all over the world
so people aren’t going to know. That’s like Jordan?
Is this just some guy? Jordan likes beats.
I don’t know. Over here, somebody raised
their hand politely. What was yours? – Russets.
– The Russets? Okay. Some other guy just yelled his out. He’s like “That’s not interesting.
Listen to mine.” – Russets are potato.
– What’s… okay. Alright. Russets are potatoes. Okay. Getting heckled by Wikipedia. Usually when I get heckled
someone’s like “Get off the stage.” But here it’s like
“Here’s some useful information.” Alright, potatoes. – What else? What else do we have?
– Cavemen. The Cavemen? Alright, cool.
Where are you from? – American Fork.
– American Fork, alright. I don’t know a thing about that. – Cavemen, what else?
– Dones… – Dones?
– Spanish Fork. Spanish Fork. I feel like everyone here
knows something but me. I don’t understand
all these utensil cities. – The Criminals.
– The Criminals. Are you from Spanish Fork too? I’m just guessing.
I’m glad I made sense to you, guys. Anyone else not from here? Let’s hear a couple.
What’s that? – Patriot.
– Patriots, cool. You weren’t listening to my question.
Alright. From Chicago Fork. – Syrup Makers.
– The Syrup Makers? The rest of you quiet down for a second. You’re just trying to help me out?
Is that what this is? I’m from Georgia so… You’re from Georgia. Of course.
I love the syrup from Georgia… so matter of fact. I’m not going to be like
obviously I’m from Canada. No, Georgia. She’s like Russets, yeah. I’m from Saudi Arabia. Obviously. – So The Syrup Makers?
– Yeah, The Syrup Makers. Okay.
So, what was your mascot? Just like a really bored guy. If I could name
a high school team it would be…

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  1. Our mascot was the Trojans. Nearby mascots included the railroaders, gold bugs (an Edgar Allen Poe reference), and the greyhounds

  2. schools here: Stewarts Creek Red Hawks, Blackman Flames (middle), Blackman Blaze (high) Literally the mascot is a torch with a flaming capital B

  3. In my defense, my high school football team HAD TO be Eagles, because it was Eagle Rock High School in Eagle Rock, CA!

  4. My HS mascot was the Bombers, on our basketball court there's a giant mushroom cloud. 🙄 From the city that developed the uranium for WWII nukes.

  5. The Maryville, Missouri high school mascot is the Spoof hound. In Columbia, Missouri the Hickman high school mascot is the Kewpie. At least we know what a kewpie is.

  6. My high school mascot was a stereotype of American Indians, The Warriors. After I left, they had to change it as did 32 other high schools with Warriors as their mascot. My school changed to The Wildcats now. Like Kellen said, schools don’t pick very original animals. My university had an insane debate regarding what to use as a mascot. They had a similar problem as the high school with The Indians as a mascot.

    Someone suggested The Robber Barons, which was the insulting nickname for the school founders (and others like them). The students thought it was great! We ended up voting among 3 choices: The Trees (after the English translation of the town name), the Gryphons (after a pair of statues on campus), and the winner by a long shot, The Robber Barons.

    The alumni complained that we couldn’t have a name that insulted the founders, so to end the uproar, the President of the university decided to name us the color Cardinal, as in cardinal red. I really wanted to be the robber barons.

  7. KELLEN, YOU'RE HILARIOUS. I like how you really put yourself out there improving like that. Those are dangerous waters and you maneuver them excellently.

  8. Not that funny, should have just turned over the mic to the audience .My school's mascot was Highlander's. Which is basically a guy in a kilt with a bag pipe. not very intimidating.

  9. San Clemente California TRITONS! …… yup as in like King Triton from "The little Mermaid" A Bearded Merman with a crown and Trident spear heheheh

  10. Ok, Dry Bar, you’re effectively using YT to push your subscription service. So how does it work? I’ve thought about it—and would be willing to pay for some content—but what’s the deal? You want $.99 to finish every joke? Or is there something else more palatable?

  11. For those of you who are curious since the video cut off: He would name his team the Chameleons and every week his team would dress like the the other team.

  12. My high school mascot was the Trojan. 1) the Trojans lost the war so why were they chosen? 2) the running joke was about Trojan condoms 3) still better than my college mascot which is the Tornados

  13. My wife went to high school in Daytona Beach, Florida, where the mascot is the Fighting Sandcrabs. yep. really.

  14. My team was the Saints. We were next to a church that refused to let them be the Devils 110 years ago. This church… did not believe in Saints, and the team name was done to piss them off further. Our mascot was… a small bush plane… due to being across from an airport.

  15. I was the high school mascot. We were the might Mariners. Our mascot was the 'Pom Pom' person.

    No, I don't know why we didn't have a Mariner as the mascot that came out for pep rallies. The Pom Pom person was me, in a suit made of pom pom's. Could. Not. See. out of the head piece.

    I would be more or less lead into the rally and I'd jump around to the Budweiser song.

    Why did I do it? No one else would. And several friends and a couple of teachers reminded me that I really didn't have much school spirit. I did, actually. In fact after a good lunch hour and a break across the street, I'd return in very good spirits 😀

    Yeah, ever after about 45 years, it still sounds lame.

  16. I was the high school mascot. We were the might Mariners. Our mascot was the 'Pom Pom' person.

    No, I don't know why we didn't have a Mariner as the mascot that came out for pep rallies. The Pom Pom person was me, in a suit made of pom pom's. Could. Not. See. out of the head piece.

    I would be more or less lead into the rally and I'd jump around to the Budweiser song.

    Why did I do it? No one else would. And several friends and a couple of teachers reminded me that I really didn't have much school spirit. I did, actually. In fact after a good lunch hour and a break across the street, I'd return in very good spirits 😀

    Yeah, ever after about 45 years, it still sounds lame.

  17. This guy is good! His timing and one liners are on the spot. You know a comedian is good when he brings humor to day to day normal stuff. He's breathtaking! (K. John Wick:))

  18. A high school near me growing up in Washington was the Gig Harbor High School – TIDES. 😂 haha I would have loved to hear what this guy would have said about that!

  19. One of the best stand-up comedians on the circuit, hands down! He's got a style all his own, witty, great timing and a superb stage presence.

  20. Kellen Erskine. 1/3 creepy stare, 4/5 drop dead hilarious jokes.
    Man, he's got an amazing feeling for timing and pace, I could listen to him for hours (from the safety of my couch, that is… 😳 ).

  21. I like the name boogieman (men) for a basketball team. The boogiemen are going to get YOU ! I'm sure people had fun with the team a lady mentioned called the darts!

  22. This act seems to rely heavily on nervous laughter while taking the piss out of people. I knew guys like this at school. It wasn't comedy it was derision. Thumbs down.

  23. The Drunk Indians. We weren't very good or popular. We did have a good time though. We found it easier to talk to people.

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