Kyle Kinane – Comedy Up Late 2018 (S6, E9)

Kyle Kinane – Comedy Up Late 2018 (S6, E9)

Oh it’s good to be here, on the set of
‘Persian Blade Runner’ I am from the USA, it is nice to travel
outside of the USA, or as it’s known back home
‘taking cover’ Don’t worry I’m not, we don’t have to get into the politics I don’t do that stuff.
I personally don’t like to hear comedians talk to me about politics,
because comedians make terrible choices in their lives. I don’t think they should.
Like every comedian I know has addiction problems, can’t hold a relationship, and cheats on their taxes.
But then they’ll be like, ‘Let me tell you who you should vote for’. That’s like watching somebody who keeps falling off a bicycle tell you how to fly an airplane. No you don’t get to talk to me about transportation. That’s not your forte. Hear a lot of talk about white privilege A lot of people in the States, you know guys – ‘I don’t have white [privilege]’ I know I have white privilege. You know why I know I I have white privilege? I believe in ghosts. And that’s what you get to believe in when you have no more real problems left. That’s a privilege That’s… when you have no more terrestrial issues,
that’s when you can start believing in sh*t like that.
That’s a privileged life. I still try to act socially conscious, you know, people are like ‘What about the disappearing middle class’ ‘And the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer’. And I’m like, ‘Yes!’ ‘And also, ghosts!’ ‘In addition, in addition to this.
The systemic racism in today’s police force’ ‘And poltergeists! Let’s not forget. Let’s loop that stuff in’ That’s like, if I see a black guy that believes in UFOs I’m like, ‘Man. You are taking on a lot right now’. ‘That’s ambitious, man.’ ‘You already got all the other shit and you’re going with
extraterrestrials? That’s a lot on your plate buddy’ ‘Kudos to you.’ I don’t… I have never sexually harassed anybody, I don’t think. I am pretty confident I have never.
I have, I have pet the f*ck out of a service dog though, and I don’t know if that’s…
if that’s part of the same conversation, I don’t know. I’m 41. I’m becoming a man I didn’t think
I was going to become. I feel bad for the security guards
in skateboard videos now. I didn’t think I was gonna be that guy. I thought I was going to be young and rad forever. ‘No way Toby, you got that staircase.
You’re gonna do it buddy’ ‘F*ck this narc, you’ll pull it off’. Now I watch it, I am like ‘Toby, you’ve got no natural ability, get off the skateboard, leave him alone’. ‘He’s 70 years old, he’s got no pension.’ ‘He’s just trying to keep his model train game alive’. ‘He’s a veteran, lay off’. Because I understand the model train guys more than I understand the skateboarding youth.
And I’m sad to say that now. I get it. You never see like a model train set? It’s elaborately detailed… just so nice. It’s because that’s the last corner of the world that they’re still in charge of. You know, it’s a changing world out
there and it’s scary for those guys. You know, they got to adapt to everything. They’re being told they got to use different pronouns for people and it
doesn’t make any sense and all this change is going on. So no matter what
happens, they still get to come back to that little corner of the world that
just stays how they want it to stay. No matter what happens out there,
no matter what goes on, At 12:37 the Northwestern line pulls right into
the station. That’s what it does. Right next to this meticulously painted
57 Chevy that I spent six hours just alone, getting the flame just right on that hot
rod in that quarter panel. And I’ll be God damned if gay people can get married
in this town! I don’t agree with it, but I see where they’re coming from, you know? I think a lot of people get caught up in the philosophy that they feel they need to understand things in order to accept them, and that’s incorrect. That’s what’s challenging. They gotta understand it to accept it. They don’t understand what’s going on, and therefore it’s wrong. That’s not right, you know?
Imagine having to go through a world where you needed to understand stuff to accept it.
You know how much sh*t you’d have to get rid of? Start with all your technology. Get rid of all your stuff. Get rid of your iPhone, I’d have to get rid of my microwave oven. I love my microwave oven! I don’t have a f*cking clue how that thing works. I don’t know. If a little… if a side opened on my
microwave and it was a tiny wizard in there I’d be like, ‘That makes as much
sense as the actual science’. This thing, just a little guy going,
‘I’m making your hot pockets hot on the inside first’ I’m like, ‘You got it, little wizard’.
I don’t know, sure man. I mean, I still treat it with reverence, I
won’t stare into a microwave. I still respect it as a magic box of sorcery
that exists in my kitchen. You gotta be a little tolerant. That’s why I’m agnostic, I don’t have the courage to be an atheist. You know? And also what do you
win if you’re an atheist. ‘There’s nothing!’ ‘Oh, OK, I guess we’ll go home’ I’m an agnostic because
I want to believe in my silly sh*t. If I want to believe in my silly sh*t that means I have to let somebody else believe in stuff that I think is silly. I can’t sit here and be hypocritical if
I sat here and be like, ‘Ghosts? Probably.’ ‘Bigfoot? Let’s hope.’ ‘Aliens? Of course.’ ‘Jesus Christ? Get the f*ck out of here, what are you talking about’. It’s hypocritical. I just don’t like it, when you back people into a corner that are real religious and they try to explain stuff away with these mysterious
statements that don’t make sense. Like you get somebody that’s real religious, and a
tragedy will happen, and they’ll say ‘Well everything happens for a reason’. Yeah. The reason is usually science. But they never want to admit that.
They just mean it’s some, you know, magical cosmic reason that Jesus put into place.
But it’s science. Like, ‘Oh I can’t believe Fred got hit by that truck and died. What a tragedy’ And somebody is like ‘Everything happens for a reason’ Yeah, an object in motion tends to stay in motion. You can’t destroy energy, you can only transfer it.
So the truck had energy, and then it hit Fred, and then he died, and then his energy turned into a ghost. It’s science! Science. Ghosts are science is what I’m saying. Thank you very much everybody, have a great night.

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  1. This guy got his whole head all red mid-sentence, on command, for comedic purposes. It adds an extra layer to his joke too. That's technique.

  2. Not to brag, but I've recently come to know God. And God told me that he isn't real.
    … So I guess I'm an atheist now.

  3. Saying your an Agnostic and not an Atheist just shows you have no fucking clue what Agnostic is. Agnostic is just a way to say you don't know god exists, not your belief in said god. the question "Is there a god?" can be answered with Gnostic = Yes Agnostic = No. The question "Do you believe in a god?" can be answered with Theist = Yes Atheist = No. You can by all means be a Gnostic Atheist you can say you know there is a god you just don't believe in that god. The more you know.

  4. Kyle is a funny comedian but I don't care for his political crap.
    You think in his profession he'd be a free speech warrior but it hasn't hit him yet.

  5. I already like him so much, he doesn't even need material to make me laugh anymore lol I can hear the daily struggle 😂😂😂

  6. Holy shit. I've heard this guys voice a million times, never seen him before. I had a mental image that was a total 180° I pictured him as like a hefty Italian dude…

  7. Every time Kyle say something about ghost and supernature I just think about Ryan Bergara from Buzzfeed Unsolved going "Ah yes my people"

  8. Holy shit that last bit was really good. It almost went over my head too. He was explaining how energy can be converted but not destroyed so that would explain ghosts. Him being agnostic and explaining a concept of science. A triple entendre godam.

  9. I used to think Kyle Kinane probably looked like a chubby Chris Stapleton. I wonder what his act would be like with a cowboy hat and sunglasses 🤔

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