Love* Conditions Apply – English Short Film | A different approach towards relationships


Wow!…That was fab! You now! ICHHA, is this correct? Arre (Oh!) Correct won’t cut it. Spine ekdum (perfectly) erect and poise! that’s what people want to see…a dancer in command of herself, her movements! Yeah! You know why? Because they are not? Exactly! That’s much better. When people see a dancer, what they are most impressed by is how they command their moves because most people can’t control anything about themselves or their lives! The lovehooks app? Okay! you’re giving this one more than 30 seconds. I’m sure he is special. So who is he? Never kiss and tell Ms. Trisha Saini. Interesting right? What? No, I mean after a contemporary dance session you’re going to do the oldest dance in the world Hi Hi, Manav Ichha Will you just keep looking? or should we order something? yeah sure! I’m sorry. By the way how’s your foot? because you posted that you sprained your leg in the Mumbai tour It’s fine now. Thank you! Impressive! You’ve been stalking me huh! Hey! you can call it following Should we order something? What would you like? Make yourself comfortable. I’ll come in two minutes. Why did you stop? Play What happened? Get Out! Excuse me! Leave now! What the……!! Are you crazy? !! You are a fake! I told you no pretence. S***!! how can I be so dumb? What are you talking about? Please! enough naatak (drama) huh! I should have seen this man! No Audi, No Rolex and this cheap disgusting deodorant! Fashion Korner with a K. You faked your profile. Didn’t you? What were you thinking? You’ll fool a stupid dancer into bed? No, no, no, please!! I didn’t mean to trick you. That was not my intention. I’m sorry! S*** I’m really sorry! So yes, I did fake my wealth on my profile. In fact it was not me, it was my friend who did that. What! he held a gun at your head and said wear a Rolex watch in the picture? No! he just meant well. Yeah! He knows that I’m crazy about you. but look it’s my picture, my face right? All me! I didn’t fake that! Not all you. Yes, okay! But most of it was me. Just the stuff wasn’t me. You have to give me that at least, please!! I didn’t want to trick you into bed. This is your house, you invited me here. I’m not some kind of a psycho or something. I have nothing!!…. …except for my phone! That’s the problem! You have nothing! Typical! huh! what did you say?! Tell it to me on my face! I mean you are typical isn’t it? You want a rich guy, expensive gifts, cars etc., That’s all you want. I thought you were different. You are judging me! Isn’t it true? I mean love, character, those don’t matter to you. True? who are you to talk about truth? You think I am typical. It’s you Manav, if that’s even your name. It is You are a hypocrite. You love being with a self-made girl but the minute you meet one, you start lecturing her on morality. This from a guy who’s faked his profile on a hook-up app. Like that’s where you get love and character. I am not a hookup kind of a guy. I just did this, because I’m crazy about you. And that crazy about you, you think that’s love? You’re attracted to me. My looks, my fame and the glamour of my dance. In fact, you just want what most men want. A doll who you can program, her to be what you want her to be. That’s unfair. Oh yeah! Then why didn’t you go behind someone more like you? a colleague maybe? but no You’re ambitious and you want the glamour. You know you thought you were playing in those big leagues. You like that. but, the idea of being with a self-made woman is sexy but being with one is hardwork. What about you? So, you don’t have any motives? I have to do some dishes. huh? We are not going to have sex and I am… You think I’m in the mood? Look, we can talk if you like, but I would rather be doing something useful while I talk, because God knows talking to you isn’t going to do any good. I have motives, rather I had a motive. Sex! But your lies ruined it. Welcome back Manav! What would you like to try today? Congrats again baby! I am so proud of you. Hey Sweety! I missed you since last night. Not now… I can’t believe I am leaving all this and going away. Wow! Its next week? The date’s here already? You are packed? for Paris? Yeah! Sucks to be away from you! No, no! You should not miss this opportunity babe. Yeah! Awww…so sweet. Thanks for understanding. Can I have a go? Sure! You can. Welcome! Here are few outfits that you will rock! This is so cool. Just amazing..! Option one. Option two. Wow! Option three. Would you like some grooming products to match your outfit? Oh my god! This is a killer! Can I also try? Hey Ichha, so nice to see you. Welcome! Look at you! You’re changed man now. Congratulations! Hey Ichha. Hi Trisha. Wow! Toh shaadi kab hain? (When is the marriage?) Shaadi? (marriage). No way! I mean, I haven’t even thought about it yet. And Trisha’s living to France and she’s gonna be a part of a dance residency there and She’s gonna tour the world soon. All thanks to him. Awww! He has a business connection in France that made this happen! Nice! good for you! Yeah! Thanks. Well, I’ m not done with the smart-mirror yet. You guys catch up! I’m gonna try some haute couture. Got lots of shopping to do before I leave. Yeah, I know. Sure, carry on! So you made it, huh? I guess so. A lot of hard work, luck and inspiration from people like you. The lecture that night changed me. Is that all this is? What I felt for you was… Attraction! nothing more…nothing less. When you say love, it’s just attraction. Love is a Rolex watch that you wear, to fool yourself. A fake prop people use to hide, what they really want. That’s cynical. Just honest. People lie. You say I love you, instead of saying I am attracted to you or I want you. You begin with a lie and you get stuck. The attraction completely wears off and You can’t admit it. So you carry on and you feel virtuous. You think I’m such a good person for doing this. But the fact is, you’ve just added one more lie to coverup the first one. Thank you! Have you never loved? I used to confuse desire with love before. Not anymore. I change partners like I change my body wash. After a while, men start feeling the same way too. I stay friends with few, but never in a relationship for too long That just means nagging each other and you know why? Because the attraction is gone and you’re frustrated? Exactly! But the guy I sleep with, has to be my equal, to avoid dependency on either of us. it’s called symbiotic in biology. Yeah I know that. Right! otherwise, if you’re unequals, it just becomes parasitic inevitably. Either the guy or me or both of us and that just sucks! That’s why we can’t go down that road. Because I’m not rich? Because you pretended to be someone you are not. That’s the needy thing, that’s the unequal thing. You can’t deny it. It matters to you. How rich I am, what brands I wear. Yes I do. But remember, you lied about them to me. They matter to you more than to me. Since I’m any way giving you gyaan (sermon) Let me tell you this. Don’t look down upon material things. Things are what makes us human. You remove them, we are animals. Animals don’t have things, do they? No things, no love. I like my things, so should you. But there is love, other kinds of love. Like man and woman, that’s just biology. but like parents, siblings, friends… Sex isn’t the only need. There are other needs. there’s comfort, there’s survival. That’s what they are. And this whole thing of, you know.. Mere paas maa hain (I have mother with me) in Dewaar (1975 Hindi Film) is an emotional pissing contest between two siblings. and Bachhan says, I have this comfort and I have that comfort and then um… Shashi Kapoor Yes! Shashi Kapoor. Thank you! he says I have mom. It’s like saying I have the ultimate comfort. So I win. Maa (Mother) is an emotional trump card. Hukum ka ikka (Ace of spades) in who’s got more pissing match. Wow! So, how did this happen? I was getting sleepless, stress basically. and she approached me for a promotional event. I needed someone and it clicked. I understand. Well, she made it too then. Yes, she did. It was mutual. Like you always say, all of us need something from each other in some or the other way. You’ve got it all wrong. I mean, things materials exist because of human love and relationships, not the other way round. Not in this world. You and I exist because of materialistic things. What does you start-up do? People shop things on your smart mirror. Wah! you want people to buy your things, grow your business, make profit for yourself and your family. No? You capitalist! luhhvv and relationships! Phir dandha aur duniya kaise chalegi? (Then how will business and world run?) Exactly! you should be thankful to me that I’m saving the world’s economy, by being an ardent consumer of material things. That’s how government and businesses run. In fact religions bhi waise hi chalte hain (religions too work the same way) Jo bhagwan jitna zyada mannat poori karega, (whichever god fulfills your prayers) uska unta zyada brand value and popularity (that god’s brand value and popularity goes high) The timing was right and our needs were complimentary and it fit. She’s moving on to a better world now and I’m happy for her. O – M – G Look who’s all grown up. Tell me one thing, does she see that way too? Well, she sure wouldn’t show it, even if she does. That’s okay! just go easy on her. It helped us get where we both wanted to be. And not everyone is as comfortable with themselves. You are. That’s what makes you, well you. Bottom line is, everything is needs, wants and desires. Love things and use people. Because the other way around, is rarely going to work and who has the time to try. So I just keep things simple. She knows, what we had was convenient, transactional. You can’t change the world. And who has the time? Right! busy big shot businessman, I hope you have some time to complete the pending transaction between us.

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