MBA and Aadhar Card | Stand-up Comedy by Punit Pania

MBA and Aadhar Card | Stand-up Comedy by Punit Pania

How many of you have real jobs here? (Employed audience wooos!) And you are sure about it? ok… I think most jobs are not real. Dil behelaane waali baat hoti hai Like…see, I am also an MBA… But who isn’t? Sab ne kiya hua. Sir aapne kiya hai? (Pointing to unsuspecting member of the audience) Aapne kiya hoga, yaad karo theek se. Log bhool jaate hain karke I mean…see, after Amity… And…Lyavley ‘Professional University’ Kya bacha hai ye degree main? I think we can sell this online now If you cannot give people placements At least give them 10% cashback (T&C) (sab log kar rahe hain…) I think people take it too seriously I am a MBA, BBA… BBC… MCBC… ACDC What are these degrees? What is B.Com as a degree? Log kyon kar rahe hain abhi tak? Yahaan pe hai koi? Ab to koi bolega bhi nahi! I feel that in the competition of life B.Com… … is only a Certificate of Participation. Main aaya – Main dekha – Main roya, bus… Something to put on your CV right? What do you put? Under Achievements – High School Rangoli Competition – 2nd runner-up MS Office, yes MS Office aata hai mereko And B.Com. Bus, kiya tha kabhi bachpan main Under hobbies what do you put? Something random right? I like singing in the rain, crying in the Autorickshaw! (Thoughtful pause) Trekking is a popular hobby. Bahut logon ne yahaan pe bhi likha hoga Kyonki woh log gaye saat saal pehele ek baar Raigad Fort pe Woh bhi bachpan main, ab tak chal raha hai And for what jobs? What jobs are waiitng for you in the market? Some very random stuff I met a guy recently. His job profile was ‘Happiness Ninja’! Wow, what a cool job! Turned out he is a baby sitter ‘Happiness Ninja’ Some start-up… I’m a Memory card reader, I am a Tarrot card reader (Audience members exclaims ‘Memory card reader!) One guy said, ‘I am into…’ ‘I am into Online Organic Gardening.’ Dude, isn’t all gardening organic? Yea, yes dude, but you see in our start-up no We use the shit of underprivileged children And they get 10% cashback when time you book an Ola Cab or something I have realised that these degrees are not even qualifications They are just a phase in your life Like I was an MBA, now I am a stand-up comic Who knows… After 10 years I might evolve into a Matka King I will change my name if required. My name is Punit Pania I will become Pappu Pager – Matka King no. 1! Because, what if stand-up becomes illegal in this country? It can happen right? I can totally imagine one day a guy will go up on stage randomly and just declare… ‘MITRON!’ (Audience applauds on cue) (out of past trauma) Bahut hua Hassi-Mazak Ab sirf Mandir banega! Mitron is the worst way to start a speech ‘MITRON’ is the sound of a guy who does not have real friends in life Is this how you call your friends, Mitron chalo jaate hain sutta peene ke liye Who talks like that? You know what is the worst way to start a speech – is this The worst way to start an e-mail is Greetings from Income Tax Department! Har do din main ek-ek baar aa raha hai. Which is why I feel this August was the last Indpendence Day we had By next August, everything will be linked …to everything else. And then… You will need an OTP… just to jerk off at home! You will be waiting – network nahi hai kya? GST hai iske upar bhi! And someone might take credit for that also I can hear a speech in the future sometime BHAIYYON AUR BEHENO! (In authoritative baritone) Peechle saal main Pachees crore Bharatya NauYuvakon ne Aadhar ke Aadhar par…

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  3. Mitron wale ke Real mitron ko bura lag gaya na to real Paani nikal jayega , wo bhi na jane kaha kaha se. Tab pata chalega uske kitne mitra the , Tab Pania Bolega" yaar paani se zyada to mitra hai iske is prithvi par".

  4. Bcom is worthless for those who never read any of their text books , they passed all their exams including KG through various guides .

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