Projector (short film)

Projector (short film)


(and action) [Phone vibrates] What? (What are you doing right now?) Your mum. Working obviously. [(raucous party noises)] (So pretending to be Jack Nicholson again?) Course not. Look Phil, this is the real world. Advances, deadlines, and trying hard not to paint my walls with my own brains. (Well I’ve found brushes do tend to cover more surface area.) (Anyway, er) (there’s a get-together tonight) (the Deadly Gust crew are all here) (minus one) (I promise it’s not one of those) (“let’s get the cast back together ten years when) (they’re fat and hooked on crack” type deals) (primarily because I’m more of a smack person) (I just thought) Look, I can’t. Deep-throating a twelve gauge aside, I need to get this finished. (Look man, if you need help, someone) (to proofread, or even just bounce ideas off) I can do it on my own. Philip? (Happy birthday Chris) [phone disconnects] [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [Bell tolls] (muffled voices) [bell tolls] (any second now) [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [bell tolls] Ah, there you are. Thought you’d never get here. [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [soft jazz music] (Took your time.) Erm. I suppose you’ve got a few questions to ask about all of this, huh? (yeah) Erm, do you have a… It’s a bit out of character don’t you think? Just because the film stops, doesn’t mean we have to So can I? You haven’t earned it. So you’re- Yup. And all of this is- Well I can’t assess whether you’re crazy or not, but you’re the writer. Yeah. Wait! So that means I’m like God to you. [derisive snort] No offence, but you’re not exactly awe-inspiring. Maybe if you went to the gym a bit, got a tan. I’m a writer! We don’t hit the gym a bit. Hollywood writers do. I’m not a Hollywood writer. Evidently not. But I can’t imagine Woody Allen sits in his bedoom all alone celebrating his birthday. He might find that a little bit stifling. I made a commitment. I don’t have time to celebrate. And how’s that treating you? Well it’s….not bad. I mean, I have an idea. It’s a dramatic comedy about an alcoholic who has to go cold turkey on Christmas Eve. Each of the Christmas spirits is represented by hard liquor. He drinks, he hallucinates, he- [clears throat ostentatiously] What about the idea you and Phil had? So a guy goes into a party looking for his ex girlfriend. (and each room that they go into) they meet loads of different characters, but they’re all played by the same actors. Clever. Got a name? (No.) What I’m looking for is a real opener. A real mood setter. Ok, how’s this? The guy walks into the party, the door closes behind him and bam! A dog splatters on the pavement outside Then the titles come up “The Great Party” Oh that’s good. What about your debut? “Attack Of The-” Don’t you dare, Lesley. Maybe this’ll loosen your cogs. If you want to loosen my cogs give me some weed. [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [bell tolls] Well, here’s looking at you, kid. [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [muffled argument outside] Leave me alone, Sean. Maria, I think you’re over-reacting I’m a super-hero god-damnit. I am out there, every- -every night. For you, and for them. Keeping you safe from all the, all the, really bad shit. I can’t. It’s too- You’re fucked up Sean Get out. Get the fuck out! [sobbing] In the script, didn’t he stay and
you leave? Jesus, what are you doing here? Well either I got so stoned I’m now in some THC-induced coma Or aliens. So, erm Are you- You know, everything was going peachy until you fucked it all up. You mean Sean. He’s the one that lied to you. I just- Oh yeah, you just tapped away at a keyboard What the? (What’s with your depression obsession?) What? Everything you write is just a series of low-notes always culminating into one big downer It’s not! It’s just Look, I got hurt. I didn’t know how to deal with it so I thought- I’d write about it to, you know, move on. (I’m sorry) You’ve watched too many Woody Allen films. Maybe one or two. Wanna hit this? God yes. You got anything to roll? So the one that hurt you, what did she think of the film? Let’s just say, she demanded I took her dedication out of the credits. Bitches. But you know why she was mad, right? Because I aired our private life to the whole world? It’s because you lied to her. This wasn’t a film about moving on. You needed a distraction from the real world, so you bled yourself dry into this ham-fisted exposition-heavy nothing piece. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of conversation. Writing doesn’t come with some great weight, some great responsibility. I don’t see you going out there kicking arse in tight lycra! And it’s no reason to lock people out. Good use of symbolism. Maria! *gruff voice* I won’t let you end it like- *normal voice* what is he doing here? Are you taking pot? You don’t take pot, you smoke it. This is your fault, hollywood. All of this; This is your fault. [bell tolls] It’s not all your fault. [bell tolls] [bell tolls] [bubbling water] [laughing] Hollywood! Why do people keep saying that? Maybe it’s a bit generous. Ok, so what are you doing? Living the dream. Productive. You’re the reason I’m still here. It’s like you’ve forgotten the meaning to your entire film. So what are you gonna do? Set me down and talk about my problems? Nope. (bless) Phantom voice: what’s the point of this scene? Phantom voice: I don’t think this line works. So what are you watching? The end of a film. Is it any good? A bit up itself. It’s your turn to change the channel. Ok. Erm. How about something funny? (Mike laughs) Fucking classic! Mate! It’s too embarrassing. Ah, you’re no fun anymore. [knocking on door] That’s never happened before. [knocks continue] Is that the pigs? What? No. Who is it? I don’t know. How do you not know? It was supposed to be a metaphor about growing up. What are you trying to say? Oh you’re such a.. Mike? [door opens] [Footsteps] Looks like it’s make or break time now, Chris. Fucking let me go. I’m done. What’s this even for, for fucks sake? We’re here to help you Chris. Bullshit. Maria made it perfectly clear what you all think of me. That I’m some kind of cretin, who just fucked you all over to make myse- We just want to help you. [movie plays in background] Phil, I’ve got this really good idea for a film. (I’m listening) [inaudible dialogue]

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