So I just saw “Suicide Squad,” and like the title suggests, it made me want to drink bleach. Now, it’s come to my attention that people are wondering why there’s such a disagreement between film critics and fans. The answer is actually pretty simple: film critics showed up to this movie to see a film, not validate their obsession with a fucking action figure. Do you guys not understand how obnoxious it is to spam IMDB with 10 star ratings before you’ve even seen the movie? Do you guys not understand how obnoxious it is that you can’t even just watch the movie and enjoy the movie? You are so desperate for validation that you can’t even handle when somebody else doesn’t like it. “Everybody who doesn’t like this movie is just a Marvel fanboy, am I right?” “I mean, they’ll just downvote anything that’s DC regardless of what the quality of the actual film–” Oh, wait. Alright, so let me get this straight: you identify as a fan, and your argument is that anybody who doesn’t like the movie only doesn’t like it, because they are set out to dislike it independently of what the actual quality of the film is. Do you know what “projection” is? Because it seems to me like the people who are rating the movie before it’s out are giving it a 10 out of 10 rating, and then when people are actually seeing the film, the rating is brought significantly down. It seems to me like you’re the one with an emotional investment over what other people think of your fucking superhero movies. Is this real life? Now, obviously, you can enjoy this film without being one of those crazy, emotionally-insecure, fragile fanboys, so if you found this film entertaining, then I’m glad you enjoyed it. I, however, found the film to be 25% cringeworthy and 75% boring. First of all, the movie was needlessly dark. And when I say that, I am not referencing tone, I mean, literally, “dark.” I mean, there are scenes that take place literally in the daytime, but it’s as if they added a 25% opacity filter to the entire fucking movie. There’s a scene where a gigantic fire takes up half the fucking room, and the room is still dark. From a visual standpoint, the entire film is a fucking eyesore. This movie barely even has scenes. Instead, most of the movie just feels like one, really long, drawn-out scene. It’s no surprise that extensive rewrites and reshoots took place before the film’s release. You’d think that if they were going to spend millions of dollars changing the movie anyway, that they might have added more scenes with the Joker? That would have been a good idea, because he’s in the movie for like 12 fucking minutes. Jared Leto’s version of the Joker was honestly the best part of the movie. In the same way that Eddie Redmayne was the best part of “Jupiter Ascending.” (The Joker) [wheezing laughter] (Adam) Jared Leto was so embarrassing that I was having a fucking blast every time he showed up on-screen. So I guess, in his mind, playing a “crazy” character just means acting really eccentric? I am not even kidding, his performance in this movie reminds me of the witch lady in “Troll 2.” (Witch lady) This is my house! (Adam) Will Smith played Will Smith. Jai Courtney played Discount Tom Hardy. Margot Robbie played Useless Liability and Punchline Dispenser. It’s like her character only exists to deliver punchlines at the end of each scene. And these punchlines are some of the cringiest attempts at humor I’ve ever seen. (Rick Flag) Her sword traps the souls of its victims. (Useless Liability and Punchline Dispenser) Harley Quinn. Nice to meetcha. Love your perfume. What is that, the stench of death? (Adam) I shit you not, one of her lines is, “Now that’s a killer app!” I swear I wouldn’t even be surprised to find out David Ayer’s writing for Hillary Clinton. (Hillary Clinton) I don’t know who created Pokémon GO– –but I’m trying to figure out how we get them to have Pokémon GO-to-the polls. (Adam) This is one of the most try-hard movies I’ve ever seen in my entire life. There isn’t a single thing in this film that I can think of that doesn’t feel incredibly forced. Many of the music choices feel as though they were thrown in at the last minute over top of scenes that did not anticipate for that type of tone at all. Each line of dialogue felt so inorganic that it feels as though it might as well have been written by Cleverbot. The editing in this film is the equivalent of a 40-year-old Hot Topic manager screaming “Please think I’m cool!” (The Joker) What do we have here? [growl] (Useless Liability and Punchline Dispenser) What are you gonna do? You gonna kill me, Mr. J? (The Joker) What? [echoes and laughter] Oh, I’m not gonna kill you. (Adam) If the entire movie was nothing but Joker and Harley Quinn, then I might have been able to enjoy it as a so-bad-that-it’s-good cringefest, but unfortunately the majority of the movie is stale and uneventful. Yeah, poorly-lit and unimpressively-shot action scenes where they sloppily fight a bunch of Putty Patrollers. Great! Like I said, if you liked this film, then I’m glad you did, and don’t let me stop you from enjoying it, but if you found it as painfully boring as I did, then we might at least be able to get some enjoyment by reading through the comment section of this video, where I’m sure we’ll be able to find plenty of reasonable, well-spoken, and mature arguments coming from both sides. This movie was a boring, embarrassing, try-hard mess that had no redeemable qualities whatsoever, and I’m giving this one a 2 out of 10. (AdumPlaze video) Omikron trilogy? Remember this from the last game? Check mark! (Mark) Holy shit! (Adam) [laughter] We found one! Bingo! (Mark) Oh my God!