JEFFY: Hey, Daddy, why can’t I see anything? Am I blind? MARIO: No, Jeffy. You’re not blind. I put a blindfold on you because I got you a
birthday surprise. No, jeffy your not blind i put a blindfold on you cause i got you a birthday surprise Birthday surprise?
Jeffy: Birthday Suprise? Jeffy: Birthday Suprise? Yeah, a birthday surprise. Alright, Jeffy. I’m going to open your eyes! Happy Birthday! (Spring In My Step by Silent Partners plays) Holy, horse testicles, Daddy! You got me a bouncy house? Yep, Jeffy! I got you a bouncy house. Are you kidding me, Daddy? Now, now, go jump in it, Jeffy, go jump in it! (SCREAMING EXCITEDLY) Aww! Mario, he’s so happy! Yeah, I knew he’d love it. It just took forever to get this thing inside the house. Where’d you get it from? I got it from Toys R Us Oh. Well you know what else is today Mario? What? The solar eclipse! A solar eclispse? Yeah, it’s when the moon blocks out the sun! (JEFFY CRYING) Jeff-oh! Jeffy, oh no! Jeffy, Jeffy! Daddy, why did the house pop? I don’t know, Jeffy. I guess it’s just cheap, but don’t worry. I got you another surprise. Another surprise? Yeah, come on Jeffy. Follow me. Alright, Jeffy. It’s time for your second surprise. Hey, Daddy, why can’t I see anything again? JEFFY: And why am I holding a bat? MARIO: Because, Jeffy, you’re gonna hit a piñata with that bat. What’s a piñata? Uh, it’s a horsie full of candy! A HORSIE FULL OF CANDY? I WANNA SEE A HORSIE FULL OF CANDY! Well, you can’t see it, Jeffy. You have to have your blindfold on. Why? Because you’re supposed to hit the horse with your bat. Why you do that? Because you’re supposed to beat the horse till all the candy comes out. (SNICKERS) Okay, Daddy. But how am I gonna hit the horsie if I can’t see it? Well, that’s part of the game. You’re not supposed to see it, you’re supposed to just run up there, swing your bat, and hope you hit it. JEFFY: And I won’t get in trouble? MARIO: Nope, you won’t get in trouble. Just swing at it. Well, alright, Daddy. (SMASHING WALL WITH BAT) Jeffy, Jeffy, stop it! Jeffy, Jeffy, stop it! Stop it, stop that, Jeffy! (MUSIC STOPS) JEFFY: Did I get the horsie, Daddy? MARIO: No, you completely missed it, Jeffy! Oh, my God, he just put a huge hole in the wall! Mario, you can’t get mad at him! He just did what you told him to do. I know, I know. Just take him into the kitchen. I’m gonna ask Chef Pee Pee how his birthday cake’s doing. Just give me the bat! C’mon, Jeffy. CHEF PEE PEE: (SIGHING EXHAUSTEDLY) After so many hours, this cake is finally done! Hey, Chef Pee Pee. Are you done with Jeffy’s birthday cake yet? Yeah, it’s right here, Mario. Wow, it looks just like a Cheerios box! Thank you, but one question, why did you have me make a Cheerio box cake? Well, because Jeffy really likes Cheerios, so he wanted a Cheerio cake. Oh. Well, get your stupid cake. I got to clean up the kitchen. Alright, thank you so much, Chef Pee Pee. He’s gonna love this! Alright, Jeffy. Here’s your birthday cake. My birthday cake’s a Cheerio box, Daddy? Yeah, it’s a cheerio box. Can I stick my pee pee in it? No, Jeffy, it’s a birthday cake! You can’t stick your pee pee in it! Wait, wait, where’s Rosalina? I don’t even know. Hold on, Jeffy. I’ll be right back, she has to be here for this. Ooh! Baby, what are you doing? The eclipse is about to happen, Mario! Well, Jeffy needs to blow out his birthday candles! Well, hurry i don’t wanna miss this! Alright, we’ll sing Happy Birthday to Jeffy. (GASPING) Jeffy! Jeffy, what are you doing? I was giving the cheerio box my pee pee. Jeffy, now we can’t eat cake cuz your pee pee was in it! Hurry Up and Make A Wish Jeffy, the Solar Eclipse is Happening Right Now! A Wish? What Do I Wish For? Well Jeffy, it’s your birthday so you can wish for whatever you want, so blow out the candles and wish for whatever you want. Whatever I Want? Hm…. (GASPING) The Solar Eclipse is happening right now! Jeffy, hurry up and make a wish! Um, um, I wish Today would Last Forever. MARIO: Yay, Jeffy, you made your wish! Happy Birthday! ROSALINA: Happy Birthday! You want a piece of your Cake, Jeffy? Je….Jeffy? Jeffy! Come on, Mario! Let’s go watch the solar eclipse before it’s over! Come on, Jeffy. I’ll yell at you later. (CRICKETS CHIRPING) ALL: Whoa! It’s a total solar eclipse, Mario! It looks so amazing! Looks like a butt hole, Daddy! Well, how long does this usually last? About a minute. All right, well, let’s enjoy this minute. Uh, I thought you said that this only lasts a minute. It does, but it’s been, like, ten minutes! What’s going on? Uh, Daddy? What would happen if that butt hole started pooping? That’d be some big poops! I think we should go turn on the news and find out what’s going on. Breaking news, okay? The solar eclipse just won’t stop! NASA is holding an emergency press conference. Let’s go to that. Uh, hello there. I am Space Cadet Brooklyn T. Guy. I’m with NASA. Uh, we called this emergency press conference here today because the solar eclipse that was supposed to happen today is still going on. Uh, it was only supposed to last a minute. It, uh, it has now lasted fifteen minutes. And the moon has not moved, so we’re a little scared. But, uh, we’re gonna wait another five minutes before we really start freaking out. Oh no, Mario! The moon isn’t moving! Wait, why is it doing that? What’s happening? Are we gonna die? Mario, calm down! Everything will probably be okay. We should just wait for five minutes, like the astronaut said. Okay, we’ll just wait for five minutes, I guess. Daddy, did the butt hole in the sky do something bad? We don’t know yet, Jeffy. Bad butt hole, bad! You better stop what you’re doing right now, before I come up there and lick it! (SLURPS) (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) Yeah, yeah, so the moon still has not moved. It’s still blocking the sun. Uh, it would be really nice if the moon would please move. Please? Please move. Sunlight is crucial for humans and plant life on Earth. And without sunlight, we could all die. But, uh, we are working on a solution to try to fix this situation. But, uh, we could all die. (SCREAMS) We’re gonna die! We’re gonna die! Mario, Mario! Stop freaking out, you’re gonna scare Jeffy on his birthday! He doesn’t even understand what’s going on! Listen here, Mr. Butt Hole! You’re scaring my daddy, so you better stop it right now! Hey, Daddy? Um, how do you wipe your butt if you’re scared of butt holes? I’m not scared of butt holes, Jeffy! BROOKLYN T. GUY: (ON TV) Okay. So, we got some good news! Uh, no, before you ask, the moon has not been moved out of the way of the sun, but we have some solutions on how we can move the moon out of the way of the sun. Okay, so first, we’re gonna try scaring the moon so it runs away! All right, I’ll be right back. Okay, I’m gonna sneak up and scare the moon. Boo! Di-did it work? Are you scared? (SIGHING) Well, that didn’t work. That is one fearless moon! But don’t panic. We got more ideas. Uh, next, we’re gonna try to wrap a bunch of rope around the moon and tow it away! Uh, I’m gonna need a lot more rope than this. About thirty-five million feet of rope, but I think I know a guy. Just… I’ll be right back. Okay, so I got the rope tied around the moon. Luckily, I had a friend who owns a rope store and just had stockpiles of rope sitting around! So, yeah. Let’s move this moon! BROOKLYN T. GUY: (GRUNTS) Come on, you bastard! Move! (GRUNTS) All right, let me kick it into maximum overdrive! (GRUNTS) Damn it, the rope broke! That’s it! The moon is really starting to piss me off! All right, we got no other choice. We’re gonna have to… We’re gonna have to nuke the moon. I mean, come on! What has the moon ever done for us, right? All right, let’s nuke that moon! (EXPLODING) BROOKLYN T. GUY: Yeah, take that, moon! Take that, you ba… (GROANS) Aw, man. All right, the nuke didn’t work. It just made more craters on the moon. So, we’ve done everything we can to try and move the moon, so it looks like we’re just gonna have to accept it. We decided to put Christmas lights all over the moon to try to light it up and get some of that sunlight back. Ugh, I’ll be right back! (JINGLE BELLS PLAYING) Ah, well, that’s just tacky! BROOKLYN T. GUY: Oh, great! One went out, and now the whole thing went out, and now, I got to find which one went out and replace it, but there’s over seven trillion lights up there! It’s gonna take forever! I’m not doing that!