Jeffy: Hey Daddy! Pick a card, any card! (Jeffy In A Good Mood) Mario: Jeffy, I don’t have time for a magic trick. Jeffy: Pick a card, Daddy. *Jeffy getting intense* Mario: Fine, uh… Mario: This, one. Jeffy: All right, now put it back. Mario: Okay. *SNACK* Mario: Jeffy, you’re not supposed to throw cards at me! * Jeffy: Was this your card, daddy? Mario: Uh…Yeah? *confused a## Mario* Jeffy: TA-DA! *puppet making constipated sound* Jeffy: Now for my next trick. I’m gonna make this ball disappear. Mario: Okay do it. *Jeffy Yeet* Mario: Jeffy, all you did was throw it! Jeffy: But do you see a ball? Mario: Uh, No. Jeffy: TA-DA! Jeffy: Now for my final trick daddy, I’m gonna make a quarter appear from behind your ear. Mario: Okay do it. Wha- Mario: Jeffy, how’d you do that!?!?. *Jeffy sawllowing quarter and coin right now* Mario: What? Mario: Hold on, Jeffy. I have to answer the door. Uh, Hello? What, Goodman? What are you doing here? Mr. Goodman: Mario, I need to come inside right now. It’s important. Mario: Uh, okay? Mario: Uh, is everything okay, Goodman? Goodman: No, Mario! I’m in danger! Mario: In danger? Of what? Goodman: Of losing this. Mario: Whoa, look at that diamond! Goodman: Oh, it looks like a diamond, doesn’t it Mario?! Mario: What, it’s not a diamond? Goodman: Oh no. This? Is my kidney stone. Goodman: It came out of my dick. Mario: That came out of your-Goodman: Oh yeah. Oh, yeah, it hurt too! My dick, looks like an exploded “hotdog”. Think about that trying to sleep tonight. Mario: Well, why’d you bring it here? Goodman: Because Mario, this kidney stone? Is worth 200 million dollars and someone’s trying to steal it from me! Mario: It’s worth 200 million dollars?! Goodman: Oh, yeah. Mario: Why is it worth so much? Goodman: Because the clarity of this kidney stone, is unlike any other kidney stone. It’s flawless, just like a diamond! Mario: I mean, it does look like a really nice diamond, but if it’s worth two hundred million dollars, why would you bring it here? Goodman: Because I need you to watch it for me. Mario: Me?! Goodman: Oh, yeah. Mario: Why me?!? Goodman: Because no one would think to look here Mario! Mario: I mean, I guess that would make sense. Where do what you want me to keep it at here? Like under a pillow, like in my closet, like where? Goodman: I suggest your keister. Mario: Keister? Goodman: Shove it up your ASS, Mario. Mario: What?! Goodman: Mario, I’m saying spread cheeks and shove this kidney stone Deep and far up your ass I’m looking to show that I’m like, but I can keep it somewhere else no Mario if something happens to this kidney stone I’m gonna sew my ball sack to your mouth. You’re gonna be talking like this *making noises like ball sack is sewed to his mouth* Mm-hmm ask me. Why why because my ballsack will be in the way. Okay, I’ll keep it here. We don’t watch it for just for tonight were you just long enough for me to get is safe secure enough to hold this kidney stone. oh. Okay, but what if someone tries to take it they won’t no one’s gonna think to look in your ass Mario. I’m not gonna put it up my butthole. I’ll are you they don’t call you Mario and the keister for nothing who called me that everyone everyone calls you Mario mc keister. Okay fine. I’ll keep it safe, and I’ll find a place to put it keister. Yeah, it’s a kidney so I mean it’s a diamond Jeffy. Don’t touch it. It’s worth a lot of money, so it’s really valuable. Oh well gosh. I know a magic trick well another magic trick make it quick jump. You just make it really quick. No, I’m. Sorry well put it down you’re cutting anybody I gotta watch this done. Oh, thank God, I thought I’d lost him! One where’s my diamond? Right here, Danny, that’s not a diamond job a Dave. This is your card!The ace of diamonds *sighs* Talk about the diamond since I like to butter your dog’s mouth Just give a doggy about diet no you eat the diamond! No, I don’t show you metric. Fine! Fine, I’ll call the vet, and he’ll cut them open and get that diamond out Hey, somebody call event yeah. I think you for coming doctor. This is really urgent see I have a really rich friend. And he trusts me to watch this 200 million dollar diamond, and this dog accidentally ate it. So I need to get it out of him. So wait you’re telling me. There is a 200 million dollar diamond inside that dog yes. Okay, yeah, so okay? Here’s what here’s what we’re gonna do okay? I’m gonna take that dog back back to my house my I mean I mean my vet’s office I’m gonna take him back there, and I’m gonna surgically remove that diamond. Okay, can we come with you no? no. I-I have to take the dog to the house by myself and do the thing and get the two hundred million dollars. Well you see I was supposed to watch the diamond and make sure nothing happens to it. So I don’t know if I really you know trust you know having you take it by yourself. Why you don’t trust me in it to get to get the? *Rats* *sigh* -Dog and now you try to steal your dog good mister there’s only someone trying to steal the diamond- There’s two people trying to steal it Well, daddy you, daddy. I don’t know. Who’s behind me Batman What diamond, what are you talking about? Don’t give me that I saw I couldn’t come to your house. I know it’s here. Oh Why thank you, give it to you, what was Hey (laughs) I can’t believe it was that easy to get the diamond. “Oh, hey!” Wait a minute… This is a card!? “This.” Run, Jeffy, Run! Oh, Jeffy, what are we gonna do? He’s coming up the stairs! I don’t know, daddy! I’m coming up there to kill you! Jeffy, give me some stuff to throw at him. Like a mouse-ke-tool? *thinking of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse* A-a mouse-ka-what? Oh Toodle fuck Jeffy, just give me some stuff to throw at him! Ok, Daddy.
Here, here you go, daddy. Okay. What is that, a red ball? R2-D2 “WALL-E.”, daddy. And in chair. “The ??” Jeffy, run, run, run, run run run! Whatever you Decide the dog what that means in the dog? Ah, the diamond’s in the dog? Perfect. Give me the dog. Way to go, dumbass. Oh, please don’t kill us. There’s gotta be something to work out. Give me the dog, or die. NOT SO FAST! Who’s behind me? Batman, With a gun. Hey! I’m here to get that diamond. I am also getting the diamond! Oh, what a coincidence. Let’s work together. Banana Split it 50-50. Oh, okay. *gunship flushot* How about no? Wh- You just killed him?! Yeah, I’m not fucking around here! I want that diamond! Okay, let’s get something we can work out. Yeah, you give me the dog, and I don’t kill you. Jeffy, say goodbye to “Shit-ass.” You’re just gonna give him just like that, daddy? What are we gonna do he has a gun Noemi hang on pumpernickel fuck the dog the dog Thanks for the dog I’m gonna get that diamond down, but I’m not really good at goodbyes. Also took a 200 million dollar diamond Jeff EJ go upstairs, I’ll buy into the door Hello. Hey Mario. I finally got my safe, so I’m here to get my kidney stone um Okay, come come in come inside great All right, Mario, so where’s my kidney stone? Hopefully you ki stirred it Well, what’d you see well funny story is I uh I uh I lost it Welcome to 100 Minute you’re not gonna get out of this Jiffy Goodman’s downstairs, and he wants us so his boss liked my mouth cause I lost his diamond Because Jeffy your doggy ate a 200 million dollar diamond. Oh you mean Your day job So your dog didn’t need it eat one Okay, so you’ve got the diamond this whole time. Yeah, okay? I asked you if you wanted to see a magic trick you said yeah So I distracted you with this show and I made it disappear. Okay, Jenny stone one more you’re already starting you better get that face over here. Oh, oh Yeah hard bar you here’s $100 for your troubles $100,000. Thanks, anyway. I guess all I get over 200 million dollar kitty stone. Well at least he got his kidney stone back. Who could that be? Oh hallo? So I took the dog home and just to be sure that he had a diamond sight him I took an x-ray and there was no diamond. Yeah, I felt that it was there was no diamond in him oh. But you did have a kidney stone. I’m rich, baby! Yay!, I’m gonna new pray I’m rich. I’m rich! I’m rich, I’m ri– oh I was sad it. Take your dog back okay? I’ll uh I’ll see you later Jeffy look what I got “SHIT-ASS!” Yep! is back now. Captions by Jack Gar Hansen Thanks for watching!