Um, you know,
a lot of my career, I’ve, uh, I’ve made fun
of politicians. And-and now that
I’m in this job, it’s mostly
American politicians, but that’s because
this is America, and you guys don’t really give
a (bleep) about anywhere else. Uh… That’s… It’s just
a joke, but it’s true. Um… now, I, like, I don’t have a problem
talking (bleep) about the U.S., but sometimes it makes it seem
like other countries don’t have problems
with their politicians. Uh, take my president,
Jacob Zuma, right? Uh, no, that’s…
Sorry, no, that’s Idi Amin. Please take… No, that’s Forest Whitaker
playing Idi Amin. No, that’s Larry Wilmore.
Why are you… Oh, no, sorry, whoa,
that’s Zuma. Sorry. Sorry, I s… I saw the… I’m sorry. My bad, Larry,
my bad. My bad. I… Corner of my eye.
I’m sorry, man. Uh, so, yeah, so, that’s
my president, Jacob Zuma. All right? And, uh,
and this-this guy– the president of South Africa–
he’s no stranger, uh, to controversy, you know? He’s-he’s a man who’s faced
over 700 charges of corruption, and that wasbefore
he was elected as president. And-and I know, I know–
that should have been a red flag to South Africans,
but ever since apartheid, we-we strive to be color-blind,
so all we saw was a flag. Um… But now, President Zuma has gotten himself
into another bind. In South Africa the country’s
president, Jacob Zuma, is facing calls to resign. This, after South Africa’s
highest court determined Zuma broke the law in using public funds
to renovate his private home.The constitutional court ruled
Mr. Zuma improperly used$15 million in state fundsfor home upgrades.You know why I love this? People looking at that going,
“which one is his home?” All of it. What you were looking at
was all of it. Yeah, President Zuma
spent $15 million torenovatehis house, not build it– renovate. Which is an amazing figure. Partly because he can’t even
count that high. Uh… No, and this is not,
like, a mean joke. President Zuma
cannot count that high. This is President Zuma attempting to say 769,870. Our membership figures stood at… Listen properly. (clears throat) (laughter and applause) You know what, my favorite part, my favorite part is when
he tries to blame the audience for the fact
that he can’t say the number. “700… Uh, listen properly. Listen. Listen.” It’s almost like he’s saying
to the audience, “Hey, guys, “this only sounds wrong because
your ears are (bleep) up. Listen properly. Listen.
I’m saying it right.” Now, the most glaring thing here
wasn’t the fact that he spent $15 million
but how he tried to justify it. For instance, he built himself
a beautiful swimming pool at his house, all right?
And then the public said, “Uh, why is the government
paying for your private swimming pool?”
And then he said, “No, uh,
it’s not a swimming pool. This is a fire pool.” And the
people were like, “Uh, what?” And he said, “Yeah, you see,
this pool is used “if there’s a fire.
I take the water from the pool “and I splash it onto the fire. So it’s a government expense
to keep the president safe.” Uh, that-that’s an actual thing
that he said. Which is understandable.
It’s the same philosophy I use when I claim sports cars
on my tax returns as a medical expense. Uh, the
IRS goes, “That’s a Ferrari.” And I reply, “No, that’s a
microphallic compensation tool. That’s what that is.”
Uh, it’s all how you see it. It’s all how you see it. But, you know, that’s-that’s one
of the downsides of African presidents. There’s
so much corruption in Africa, something you never see
in the West. Unless you look. The largest leak
of secret documents in history.Publication of what are being
called the Panama Papersthis weekend has exposed
a worldwide corruption scandal.REPORTER:
There are huge allegationswithin these documents.
Money laundering,arms and drug deals,
tax evasion.12 current or former leaders, world leaders, have been named,
another 128 politicians as well. Edward Snowden even tweeting,
“This is the biggest leak in the history
of data journalism.” 11 million documents. That’s
ten times what Snowden leaked. Oh, (bleep)!
(laughs) You know a leak is big
when Edward Snowden is impressed by it. Yeah. That’s like Donald Trump
being impressed by your tan. That’s what that is. -(laughing) Oh.
-(cheering) But this-this Panama Papers
scandal is a huge story. It’s still growing.
We don’t even know what it’s… like, where it’s gonna end.
Everyone is talking about it. Basically, the story is that,
this weekend, someone
at a Panamanian law firm, uh, leaked 11 million documents, 11 million documents
that revealed the alleged owners of more than
15,000 offshore shell companies. Now, at this point,
Panama has basically produced as many leaked documents
as they have douchey hats. Um… This is… Why do… why
do people still wear these hats? I don’t get it. You look like
such a douche when you wear, like, a… No. Hey, no, no.
No, that… Don’t-don’t laugh at that.
I wore it once in, like, 2008.
Back when they were cool. That’s not a… 11 million documents.
11 million documents. Now-now, look, uh,
having a shell company isn’t always illegal, all right, but a lot
of very powerful people are about to be implicated
in some dubious (bleep). Uh, and, by the way,
whoever leaked this, unlike Edward Snowden, they
won’t find refuge in Russia. REPORTER:Russian president
Vladimir Putin,he’s not named specifically
in these documents,but they do reveal
a telltale trail set upby his closest inner circle
and worth $2 billion.No way! You’re telling me the guy who
walked through King Midas’ doors to shake hands
with Bashar al-Genocide is up to something shady?
Oh, no! (cheering and applause) How is anything with Putin
still a surprise? But we’re gonna be hearing
a lot more about this in days to come because the list
of people is kind of incredible. REPORTER:The king of Saudi
Arabia; the prime ministerof Pakistan;
Jackie Chan, the film star…No, Jackie Chan! We trusted you, Jackie! What kind of kung fu is this? You know, Jackie Ch…
Jackie, my heart is broke. Now Jackie Chan
could get arrested. We actually have footage
of the authorities apprehending him this morning. (grunting) (laughs) Oh, if anyone knows
of Jackie Chan’s whereabouts, remember, approach him
as a group but then fight him