The Daily Show – Minhaj’s Muslim Makeover

The Daily Show – Minhaj’s Muslim Makeover


AS WE
ALL KNOW, YOU KNOW, WE’RE AMERICANS, WE KNOW AMERICA’S
LONG STRUGGLE WITH THE WHOLE “ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL”
THING THAT WE PUT THERE IN THAT DOCUMENT. SEEMS LAKE EVERY DECADE OR
SO WE AS A NATION NEED TO ASK OURSELVES, YOU KNOW, ALL
MEN, REALLY, ALL? BLACK PEOPLE, ASIANS,
EVERYBODY, REALLY, ALL? ESKIMOS, SERIOUSLY? WELL, LATELY MUSLIMS HAVE
BEEN SUBJECT TO THE EQUAL PEOPLE TEST, AND, WELL,
THERE IS GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. IT’S THE SUBJECT OF OUR NEW
ISLAMIC AFFAIRS SEGMENT, HALAL THINGS CONSIDERED. LET’S START WITH THE GOOD
NEWS.>>JUSTICES RULED IN FAVOR
OF A YOUNG MUSLIM WOMAN WHO WAS REJECTED FROM WORKING
AT THE CLOTHING STORE ABERCROMBIE & FITCH.>>SHE WORE A HIJAB TO THE
JOB INTERVIEW AND WAS DENIED A JOB BECAUSE THE HEAD SCARF
VIOLATED THE RETAILER’S LOOK POLICY.>>Jon: SHE WON! SHE WON, IT WAS
DISAPPOINTING SHE WAS PUT IN THAT POSITION BUT SHE WON. SHE STOOD UP AGAINST
DISCRIMINATION AND TRIUMPHED AND AS A REWARDS FOR HER
BRAVE STRUGGLE I’M PROUD TO SAY THAT SHE CAN NOW WORK AT
ABERCROMBIE & FITCH. (LAUGHTER) SHE HAS WON THE RIGHT TO SPEND
EIGHT HOURS A DAY IN A CLOUD OF COLOGNE SELLING PINK POLO
SHIRTS TO GUYS NAMED CHAD. SO WINNING THE RIGHT TO WORK
IN A PSEUDO SEXSHOP IS A PRIORIC VICTORY, BUT THAT IS NOT
THE BAD NEWS.>>CLAIMS OF DISCRIMINAL
FACIAL OF A MUSLIM WOMAN WHO CLAIMS SHE WAS DENIED AN
UNUNOPEN CAN OF SODA AT 30,000 FEET. SHE WAS BASICALLY TRYING TO SAY
TAHTI WHAT USE A CAN OF SODA AS A WEAPON.>>Jon: OKAY, SOUNDS BAD. BUT LOOK, YOU TAKE THAT SODA,
YOU ADD ALKA-SELTZER AND A SEAGULL AND YOU’VE GOT
YOURSELF A BOMB ON AN AIRPLANE. I MEAN THERE’S– THERE’S A
REASON THAT THEY DON’T LET YOU BRING SEAGULLS ON
AIRPLANES. (LAUGHTER)>>Jon: THAT’S– WEIRD, WHEN THE
SEAGULL BLOWS UP AS ITS APPENDS AGES STAY INTACT…
JUST THE FEATHERS… NOW YOU CAN AGREE OR
DISAGREE WITH THE AIRLINE POLICY OF DISTRIBUTION OF
UNOPENED CANS BUT ARE WE REALLY SURE THIS IS
DISCRIMINATION.>>SHE ASKED THE MAN NEXT TO ME
WHAT HE WOULD LIKE TO DRINK, AND HE REQUESTED A CAN OF
BEER. AND SHE, I NOTICED THAT SHE
PLACED IT IN FRONT OF HIM AND IT WAS A CLOSED BEVERAGE
CAN.>>Jon: OKAY, OKAY, SEEMS
LIKE A DOUBLE STANDARD. BUT YOU THINK ABOUT T WHEN
HAS A WHITE GUY POUNDING BEERS ON AN AIRPLANE EVER
LEAD TO VIOLENCE. IT’S JUST– I’M BEING TOLD
ALMOST EVERY TIME — ALMOST EVERY TIME. WELL, THIS SOUNDS LIKE A
HORRIBLE EXPERIENCE. BUT AS WITH ANY SITUATION
INVOLVING A MAJOR AIRLINE, IT COULD ALWAYS GET WORSE.>>I ASKED THE PASSENGERS
AROUND ME, I SAID, DOES ANYONE WITNESS WHAT SHE JUST
SAID TO ME. I SAID HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT
I WOULD USE IT AS A WEAPON. AND THEN A MAN SITTING, YOU
KNOW, ACROSS FROM ME SAID YOU MUSLIM, YOU NEED TO SHUT
THE F UP. [AUDIENCE GROANS]>>Jon: THAT IS– I’M SCOCKED AT
WHAT GOES ON IN COACH. BOY. AM I RIGHT? I MEAN IT’S– CAN’T YOU JUST
SAY, CAN’T YOU JUST SAY TO THE PERSON, COME ON, CALM
DOWN, THE SUNDAYS WILL BE OUT ANY MINUTE, ALONG WITH
THE LIVE MUSIC. FRANK SINATRA! YOU KNOW, IN COACH HE’S STILL
DEAD, BUT IN FIRST, FLY ME TO THE MOON. WELL, IF THERE WAS ANY
AMBIGUITY OF WHETHER OR NOT THIS INCIDENT HAD A
DISCRIMINATION COMPONENT, OLD F-BOMB JOHNSON TOOK CARE OF
THAT. AT LEAST NOW THE FLIGHT
ATTENDANT WILL SHUT THAT DOWN.>>THERE WAS NO BYSTANDER
INVENTION. AND THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT
DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING TO HIM EITHER.>>Jon: OH. I FEEL BADLY FOR THIS WOMAN. FOR MORE WE’RE JOINED BY
SENIOR RELIGIOUS CORRESPONDENT HASAN MINHAJ. HASAN, THANK YOU FOR JOINING US. THIS IS A SHOCKING STORY, THAT
TAHARA AHMED, WAS ON A FLIGHT. SHE’S AN AMERICAN CITIZEN, AN
INTERFAITH CONDUCTOR AT THE NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY. HOW DOES SHE NOT HAVE THE
RIGHT AND FREEDOM TO ENJOY ONE OF OUR 12 OUNCES OF
DELICIOUS SUGAR WATER.>>JON, ACTUALLY, THE
AIRLINE DID THE RIGHT THING. YOU CAN’T RISK PASSENGER
SAFETY JUST TO GIVE IN TO ONE WOMAN’S CRAZY DEMANDS.>>Jon: SHE ASKED FOR A CAN
OF SODA.>>OKAY, JON, YOU MEN A
CARBONATED GRENADE? ALL RIGHT, YOU THROW THAT AT
SOMEONE, BAM, THEY ARE OUT LIKE A TROUT.>>Jon: YOU HAVE JUST THROWN
AWAY YOUR ONE WEAPON.>>YEAH, BUT THEN YOU ASK
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT FOR ANOTHER CAN OF SODA, 198
SODA CANS LATER, THE PLANE IS YOURS. I MEAN, EVEN LESS IF IT’S A
COMMUTER FLIGHT.>>Jon: HASAN I DIDN’T REALIZE
MUSLIMS WERE SODA CAN MACGYVERS.>>WE’RE CRAFTY, YES. ANYTHING ON A PLANE IS A
WEAPON TO A MUSLIM, ALL RIGHT. THE CORNER OF A DORITO CHIP
CAN SLICE THE NECK. YOU THINK THAT SEAT CUSHON
IS A FLOTATION DEVICE? YOU ARE WRONG, THAT IS A
SMOTHERING PILLOW. YOU SEE A SKYMALL, I SEE A
PAPER CUT CATANA.>>Jon: THIS WOMAN WASN’T
TRYING TO TAKE OVER THE PLANE. SHE WAS WEARING A SCARF,
THAT IS ALL.>>AROUND HER HEAD.>>Jon: YEAH.>>SCARF AROUND THE HEAD IS
WAY SCARIER THAN SCARF AROUND THE NECK. BIG DIFFERENCE, OKAY. ALLOW ME TO DEMONSTRATE
USING JUST A LITTLE PROP HERE. THIS IS A STANDARD SCARF
RIGHT HERE. THIS IS GOOD, OKAY. THIS IS GOOD. NOT GOOD, OKAY. GOOD, NOT GOOD, OKAY. ALL RIGHT. FUN, SCARY.>>Jon: OKAY.>>THIS RIGHT HERE SAYS I’M
AUDREY HEPBURN, GALAVANTING AROUND THE PLAZA. THIS IS AS I’M HERE TO KILL
AUDREY HEPBURN WHILE SHE GALAVANTS AROUND THE PLAZA.>>Jon: I DON’T THINK THAT’S IT. BUT THIS S LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING, THIS IS AMERICA, FROM EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE
LEARNED ABOUT AMERICA, WE LOVE PEOPLE OF FAITH. THAT’S WHAT WE LOVE.>>YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. IF IT IS THE RIGHT ONE. NOW THERE IS A HIERARCHY OF
FAIFT IN THIS COUNTRY. UP TOP WE HAVE EVANGELICAL. THEN CATHOLIC, JEWY BUT NOT
TOO JEWY, MISCELLANEOUS NONMUSLIM, SCIENTOLOGY,
DEVIL WORSHIP, THEN RIGHT DOWN HERE IS MUSLIM.>>Jon: OH, SO ARE MUSLIMS
SUPPOSED TO HIDE THEIR FAITH? IS THAT THE IDEA?>>GREAT IDEA. THAT IS A GREAT IDEA. WHICH LEADS ME TO MY NEXT
SEGMENT, MINHAJ’S MUSLIM MAKEOVER.>>Jon: THAT SAY REALLY
PRETTY GRAPHIC.>>YOU LIKE IT?>>Jon: YEAH.>>I’VE BEEN WORKING ON THE
BRANDING. ANYWAY STEP NUMBER ONE —
CHANGE YOUR NAME. NOW — THIS IS A SERIOUS THING. IF YOU ARE MOHAMMED, GO BY
MOE. SALOMON, SAL, FATIMA YOUR NAME
IS NOW CRAIG.>>Jon: CRAIG? THAT SEEMS HUMILIATING, HASAN.>>IT IS. CALL ME CODY, JON.>>Jon: ALL RIGHT.>>STEP TWO — IF YOU ARE A MAN
YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW MY LEAD HERE AND HIDE YOUR BEARD.>>Jon: YOU DON’T HAVE A
BEARD.>>ON THE OUTSIDE. MY BEARD IS ACTUALLY ON THE
INSIDE OF MY MOUTH. I’M CONSTANTLY JOKING, JON. NOW, IF YOU ARE A MUSLIM WOMAN
FLYING ON A PLANE, THINGS GET MORE COMPLICATED. YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE GAME. FIRST THINGS FIRST, YOU HAVE
TO GET YOUR HIJAB. NOW THAT IS GOING EXPOSE YOUR HAIR, SO
YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THAT, TOO. WE’RE GETTING THERE. NOW THE NEXT STEP IS GETTING
RID OF ALL THOSE CLOTHES. REMEMBER, COVERED IN FABRIC
MEANS COVERED IN SECRETS. SO WEAR SOMETHING A LITTLE
MORE AMERICA-LOVING. THAT IS THE TICKET. THAT’S THE TICKET. NOW THAT IS A MUSLIM THAT ET GOS
AN UNOPENED CAN OF SODA.

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  1. Thanks a lot Hasan Minhaj! THANKS A LOT! You just insulted about 3.45 million Muslims who are living in the United States, about 1.1 percent of the total U.S. population. Why is the audience of even laughing?

  2. Hello Early people! Like if you're early. Like if you're here in 1 day ago. Are you here everyday?

  3. had I been on that plane and if I would've heard him say that to my sister, I would've told him to shut the fuck up, saltine bastard and if he would've wanted to go, then we would've brawled it out

  4. Cue Bill Maher: "Islamophobia is silly and ridiculous! But totally justified and everyone should be afraid of them." Lol

  5. I tell people my name is Bal for short.
    10 min later im called Ball.
    Im serious.
    I just roll w it.

  6. What is my name? Abdullah, proud of being a slave of God. I will NOT change to suit some picky white guys demands. Also, if I had been on that plane with her, I would have beat the ** out of that ****ing flight attendant and that guy who said shut up

  7. Welcome to America, if someone get jealous on you, that mean you are a terrorist, what the f*ck is this!!!

  8. I love how he attacks everything through humor, I read his book laughing in a hospital. Thank you M.H.

  9. I was so worried Hasan would spoil his hair but man it just stays perfectly😂 I love this guy and his wit! Been following him and watching all his videos. He's just awesome. ❤

  10. hahahah nice explanation by Minaj ……………….. really is this US and we people of Asia thinks they are really advanced and educated and have morals respects etc

  11. tell me i am not the only one who thinks about how white people are the ones who wont understand this vid and take it as jon n hasan being racist when its the other way round… but then again its satire.. WHOOP WHOOP

  12. I don't get your point Hassan are you a muslim and if you are why do you want muslims to change their religion for america I don't get you at all for me it sounds like you don't like muslims

  13. How are some of you not understanding that Hasan is making fun of bigots not Muslims? I mean, it’s pretty obvious. However, bigots say pretty ridiculous things, so I suppose many people just have low expectations for others and accept what they say at face value.

  14. I know it’s meant to be sarcastic, but this is a serious subject. I can laugh with a lot of things, muslim jokes included (ONLY if a muslim makes the joke otherwise it just sounds racist, like the host trying to be funny in the beginning but I found it insulting). I think at the end they should have been like “guys let’s be serious for a second, what happend to this woman was not okay and a lot of muslims go through the same thing”. But they didn’t say it.

  15. I love amrican , every community has black sheep’s, but it won’t stop good people supporting democracy, democracy exist COs of pple like u.
    In India. Somehow we have same problem but it’s just s few % of tat , our democracy keeps us alive and peaceful !! Peace

  16. I miss John Stewart and his style. "Halal Things Considered" was executed perfectly LOL

    Don't get me wrong, Trevor ain't doin' bad. Maybe it's the times, maybe he's still getting seated, but he's a long shot from Stewart's years of providing entertainment.

  17. I know alot of people think that Islam is a violent religion. That is so far away from the truth. Our entire religion preaches peace. Peace on the inside and outside. Islam doesn't not tell us to kill people of other religions. There is verse of the Quran that says, "Let there be no compulsion in religion." During wars, Muslims were told to not hurt the sick, women, children, defenseless, innocent, animals except for food, plants, the old and not to destroy property or any of the religious places of people of other religions. So I really dont see why you think its a violent religion.

  18. Hasan is great: smart, sarcastic af and really great distance to himself Very rare qualities in humans Love the guy <3

  19. Stop hating America! The constitution is right about all men being equal, just that some people misrepresent it!

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