The Kapil Sharma Show Season 2 – Ep 55 – Full Episode – 7th July, 2019

Wow! There’s so much traffic
in Mumbai, Ms. Archana. Not just in Mumbai,
there’s often a lot – of traffic in big cities.
– You’ve never been late, right? I’ve been late sometimes. I’ve never seen you come late.
She is so fast. As soon as Mr. Sidhu left,
she came here. She came here so fast,
she stepped on Mr. Sidhu’s foot by mistake. One of his shoe is still here. The traffic is so bad. People leave their home
looking fresh but their faces become
so dirty by evening because of pollution. Their kids stare at them
till they wash their faces. ‘Who is this man with such
a dirty face?’ ‘Dirty face..’
– Seriously. If you don’t believe me,
you should look at how Ms. Archana
looks after getting home. My kid doesn’t recognise me.
– When she rings the bell her son opens the door and says,
‘My mom isn’t at home, sir.’ ‘Come back later.’ No amount of traffic can stop
people with bikes. – Yes. They slither through traffic
like snakes. True. They get angry when they
wait on red signals after leaving everyone behind
and the person that they left behind
joins them. Yes.
– The person looks at them.. They are very impatient
at traffic signals. The countdown starts
in the signal. Like 10, 9, 8, 7..
– Yes. They start their engines
at 10. They do this on nine. Then, eight..
Seven.. Five, four, three..
They use their legs. They cross the signal
by the time it turns green. I wonder why the hurry.
What work do they have at home? But if a man with a bike
sees a rickshaw at the signal with a girl in it,
they become very patient. In the beginning..
It’s true. First, you just see
the legs in the rickshaw you don’t see the person. Below the knee.
You just see the ankles. We see them and realise
that it’s a girl. Then, we go a bit further. Then, he sees the girl
and becomes patient. The rickshaw driver was
looking at the girl from the mirror. When he sees that someone
else is looking at her he becomes protective. He gets angry and drives
the rickshaw a bit farther. The man with the bike
follows him. That goes on till the signal
turns green. After that, the rickshaw
and the motorcycle go together.
They drop her together. Sometimes, a man’s scooter
stops working when the signal turns green. He gets very worried. He tries to start the engine
and the people behind him honk, angrily. If it’s a small honk,
they’re just annoyed. If it’s a long honk,
they’re very angry. Some people have rhyming horns.. Then, the man with the scooter
pushes his scooter to the side. People who need to go
to the washroom face the most difficulties
in traffic. They’re afraid that the traffic
won’t clear on time. It’s worse when the car
crosses a speed breaker. He feels worried. He feels scared that he’d
lose control. We have sharing cabs
in metro cities. Some people are clever and they hire sharing cabs
intentionally so that they could travel with
some good-looking girl. The ones who have that
in their minds.. – They.. …always end up travelling
with old men with paunchs. They would also have
had a big breakfast. – Oh, God! They do things that make the AC
of the car irrelevant! They also try to act innocent
and say ‘These cars that run on CNG
smell awful.’ Even the driver would get
confused then and he’d say ‘My car runs on petrol.
You are the one at fault.’ The traffic is so hectic and
everyone is in a hurry to reach their offices but
if their car touches another one they don’t care about
getting late. They will get out and
start hurling abuses. ‘Hey! Are you blind or what?’
– Are you blind or what?’ ‘Should I tell you? – What are
you going to tell me?’ ‘I will slap you!
– Do it then.’ ‘Get out of here.
– Get lost!’ But no one leaves. The two of them keep hurling
abuses at each other. They ignore the others who
are hurling abuses at them. Traffic is driving people
crazy. Take Dinesh’s case. Yes. – He used
to jump the signal. – Really? He used to get caught
every time near his house. He came up with this idea
or riding a horse. He jumped the red signal and
the policeman asked him to stop! He lifted the horse’s tail and
asked him to note the number! In large cities, there are
different reasons for traffic jams like people
going out or constructions. The reasons are still
the same in small towns. ‘What’s the reason for the jam?
– There is a bull on the road.’ ‘A wedding procession!’
– Yes! ‘The horse isn’t moving.’ The horse leaves some evidence
on the road! – Oh.. People who don’t know
where the wedding hall is will reach there.. – They will!
– …if they follow it! Everyone who travels daily from
Borivali to Churchgate in Mumbai would be stuck in traffic
for a long time. On Sunday, if his wife tells him
they should go on a long drive there would be a sad look
on his face. – Poor guy. He has to do it and
he takes his family out. Everyone except him will be happy and he’d
have this look on this face. When they are stuck
in traffic, he’d blame his wife! Kids will ask,
‘When will we reach Bandra?’ ‘Do you think we will really
reach Bandra in this traffic!’ Kids were hopeful of seeing
the Gateway of India but they end up seeing
their father’s angry face. Poor kids. GPS is really helpful to know
about the traffic now. Villagers were a bit perplexed
initially. They said, ‘The Americans
are unbelievable for they have’ ‘assigned a woman each to help
every Indian reach home!’ GPS is really good.
The voice is lovely. No matter how bad
the traffic is, it keeps calm. ‘Take the left. Take the right.’
It’s nice to hear it and it would
calm the driver down. The guys who invented GPS
are really cunning. They gave it a female voice for they knew
men would listen to it! GPS will soon be
available in regional languages. Think about its Punjabi version. ‘Turn left.’ ‘I said turn left.’ Lovely! – Think about
its Bhojpuri version. ‘Turn left.’ ‘I said left! Come on!’ ‘Are you stupid or what?’ ‘How dare you turn right when
I asked you to turn left?’ ‘Why take a right turn..’ ‘Do whatever you want.’ Being stuck in traffic for
a couple of hours is normal. There was a traffic jam
in China that lasted 12 days. Do you remember the news? I will show you the photo.
Look. This traffic jam lasted
12 days but they
didn’t lose their discipline. The cars aren’t
rammed against each other. They are maintaining
a distance. If it were here, cars would have
been on top of each other. Wow. – There are a lot
of ways to avoid traffic. If we stop travelling
alone on our vehicles and travel together
with our friends things will really improve.
– Yes. All of you would have
been stuck in traffic. You may share your experience. Sir, my name is Piyanshu Sharma.
– All right. The traffic has done me
a huge favour. I’m still enjoying it.
– What? I could save money on travel.
– How? – How? Sir, I was stuck in traffic
at Powai once. It was bad.
– All right. There was a girl next to
me on her scooter. – All right. I thought I could
talk to her. – Oh. I interacted with her. I first
asked her what time it was followed by her name. I then asked her if she is on
social media. Oh! Then? Sir, then, I followed her
on Instagram. You started following her
while standing in the traffic? Later? – Sir, when we’re stuck
in traffic we just take out our phones.
– Okay. – Okay. We started chatting.
We even went on a date then. Okay.
– So, as of now, we both go on the same vehicle
and that’s hers. So, I save my petrol cost. She became your girlfriend?
– Yes. You’re not at a profit.
You got rid of one expense but you got into
bigger expenses. That’s right. So, you were in your scooter
when you met her? I was on a bike.
– You were on a bike? And the girl was on a scooty.
– She was on a sooty. So, you go in her car now?
– No, we still go on her scooty. Okay. Even you go on her scooty?
– Yes. Do you sit on one side
or two sides? Well.. – Thank you, sir.
– You didn’t bring her with you? No, she didn’t come.
– If she gets stuck in traffic somewhere else.. Later, you may realise someone
else is in the scooty with her. Seriously.
– You should be careful of those relationships
that’s formed in the traffic. Thank you. What’s your name?
Priyanshu? – Priyanshu. Thank you, Priyanshu.
Anyone else among the audience? Yes, ma’am. Hi, Mr. Kapil. – Hello, ma’am.
– Hi, Ms. Archana. – Hi. I’m a big fan of you.
– Thank you, ma’am. You look beautiful.
– Thank you, sir. You’re wearing a nice outfit.
– Thank you so much. – Lovely! Yes.
– There are both advantages and disadvantages of getting
stuck in the traffic. Right..
– I faced a huge loss, today. How’s that?
– Firstly, our entire group have come from Nagpur
to watch your show. Okay. You’re most welcome.
– So.. Who all in your group?
– Okay. Hey! You’re so many of them.
You would have got stuck between your own crowd.
– Well.. You don’t need
the outside crowd. They all reached and I got late.
– Why only you got late? I was in New Mumbai
and they were all close by. Okay. – So, they reached.
My friend was calling me up repeatedly to come soon.
– Okay. She was so worried
that she spilled tea over her son’s pants. She said do something
but buy pants for him. Okay. – We were stuck
in the traffic. I was like.. Just take it out and sit.
It’s anyway not getting captured in the camera.
– Right. I told him you can wear a half pants.
– He’s young. It’s a family show.
It doesn’t matter. Right.
– Kapil’s show is a family.. But not that you take out
your clothes and sit. I mean, yes, he’s a child.
He can wear it. – Right.. So, did you bring the pants
for him? – Yes, Yes, I wanted to attend
your show at any cost. Thank you very much.
– I wanted to bring him, too. So, I had to manage. I brought the pants somehow
and reached here. He’s the one at profit.
He got new pants. Right. The boy has gained.
– My son was crying. He was angry. So, I had to buy
pants for him. So sweet. Had it spilled
on your husband’s pants would you still buy one for him? Would you be equally worried?
That’s what I want to ask. Yes, of course, I would.
– Oh! – Okay. Why wouldn’t I?
– Your son is gesturing from behind that you wouldn’t.
He knows better. Of course, I would.
Why wouldn’t I? Are you all friends?
Your husbands didn’t come along? No, we, friends
have come together. Have you all informed
or you just came? Thank you very much
for coming to the show. Thanks to all your friends
for coming to the show. Anyone else? Yes.. There’s a lady there.
Pass her the mike. Hello, Mr. Kapil. – Hello.
– Hello, ma’am. – Hi. Sir, I have faced a lot
of problems in the traffic. What? Sir, I’m going to share
the same experience. It was my sister’s wedding.
– Okay. So, I was stuck in the traffic
for a couple of hours. – Okay. My entire family had reached
for the ceremony. It was just me who was stuck.
– Okay. Sir, moreover,
my air conditioner was spoilt. All your make-up
would have got spoilt. So, you got the make-up done
once again? No, sir. I had to reach soon.
So, I reached in a hurry. Moreover, my mom blasted at me.
– Okay. All my pictures were so spoilt. None of my pictures came good
with the wedding couple. Okay. – So, I felt so bad
nor my pictures came good moreover, my mom shouted at me. It’s all because of the traffic. That’s really sad.
Is your sister here with you whose wedding it was?
– Yes, sir. – Where’s she? Sister Nazmi.
– So, ma’am, are you fine? What did you get by marrying? Thank you.
Thank you very much. Thank you, sir.
– Thank you. Ms. Archana, you
know the whole India is one Yes. Of course.
– even if there are many religions, castes,
and languages but we are
united as a country. A very good music album has been
launched based on patriotism. It is ‘One India, My India..’
– Wow. ‘One India, My India.’ We are inviting all the
artists who made this album. So, I want to invite them
with a loud round of applause. Bollywood’s King of
booming voice my dear, my favorite legendary singer one
and only, Mr. Sukhwinder Singh. A big round of applause
for Mr. Sukhwinder. Thank you.
Thank you very much. Congratulations for the
album ‘One India, My India’. How did you
come to create this album? Basically, Mr. Sailender Singh
is the director. Okay. – The video’s
concept is good. It is regularly
mentioned Bollywood Tollywood, Gollywood.. There are
so many such ‘wood’ that it is more
than the plant wood we can get. So, that too
creates differences. So, we have
to stop this concept somewhere. We are all one. The world knows
us by our country’s name. True. Like,
I did a concert in America. They gave me
an Indian flag I was singing
‘Chak De’ in full flow I also respected
the America flag. They celebrated
that day for me in Dallas. Wonderful.
So proud of you. From here.. These
thoughts come.. It is not
‘me’, not ‘myself’ That was
from my country, India. One India, My India. Yeah.
– Well said. When our Indian Army
does something big or our Indian cricket
team wins a match the ‘Chak De’ song
has become like an anthem. Do you know what some
of your fans say about you? Mr. Sukhwinder’s voice
is loud and booming. He sings very loudly because he
hasn’t married yet. They say that they will see if he will still sings as
loudly when he gets married. Can I give you an advice?
– Yes. Your younger brother
got married. You will be afraid initially. Then you will be
accustomed to being afraid. Tell me how to
deal with the first two years? Mr. Sukhwinder, welcome. It is a pleasure
to have you here. – Thank you. As such, Mr. Sukhi has worked
with all the music directors of our industry. But I’ve been told that when you
and Mr. Rahman work together work happens all day and night
because you work during the day and he’s used to working
at night. How do you manage then? When I met Mr. Rahman
for the first time he told me 10 o’clock..
11, sorry, 11.. I said, no problem. I said he’s
a very comfortable person. They said, ‘No.
He’s calling you at 11 p.m.’ I asked, ‘Why?’ They said, ‘He’ll start
the work by 12:30 or 1 a.m.’ I thought, ‘Not from today,
from tomorrow onwards..’ By doing so,
I didn’t party for a year. I see. Sir, whenever you come here..
I am already your fan. Well, let’s forget for a while
that we are shooting a TV show. I am getting requests
from people there. For ‘na jaane dil vich ki aaya.’ Ms. Archana, the song
‘ramta jogi’.. The movie ‘Taal’
had been completed. Even the movie
had got completed. Mr. Subhash would always
address me as ‘Ramteya’. Mr. Rahman asked me
what ‘Remta’ is.. I said, the actual name
is Rehmat. I see. – But in Punjabi,
we call it as ‘Ramta’. He asked me
about its uniqueness. I said the uniqueness is it is carefree, not careless. Wow.. – So, we captured
the word ‘ramta jogi’. The song was composed on that. Then Mr. Anand Bakshi penned
the song in his usual style. He has been doing it
since many years. Sir, Goddess Saraswati
has blessed you abundantly. I wonder why! Sometimes, I feel
that he has Her phone number. Ms. Archana, this incident
happened before my marriage. There’s a very old
Punjabi folk song ‘sada chirian da chamba ve.’ What a song! I’ve heard it numerous times
and sung by various singers. Everyone sang it
in their own style. When he sang it, all those who
were listening to him including Bharti and Chandan got teary-eyed.
That song is so beautiful. You can understand
the remaining matter. Sorry, sir.
I know we are troubling you. But please sing a few lines. Until now, only my legs
and throat were shaking. Now I am getting teary-eyed
as well. So am I.
– I can see the goosebumps. Yes.
Right? Sir, I love you.
– I remembered something. It’s okay, sir.. I am sorry. You’re so great because
of your emotions, sir. We love you, sir. Special person, special places,
special people and special things
are very rare. Such people are very rare. We cannot find people like
Kapil everywhere. We can’t find beautiful
people like Ms. Archana. Can I say something?
– So sweet. You are lucky. Golden luck. You’ve been smiling
and laughing since many years. Always smile like this. So sweet. Thank you so much.
So sweet. – And.. You’ve been the same
since I had a crush on you. The movie ‘Jalwa’.. And that.. The move.. I still attempt to flirt with you. It’s time to call another singer
who sang in the album ‘One India My India’. Please welcome the very talented
playback singer Jubin Nautiyal. – Wow!
– A huge round of applause. Wow! Wow! Wow! Jubin! – Wow!
– Welcome back. Amazing.. Very nice!
– Sir. Very nice!
– Wow. – Very nice. Very nice. – A hube round
of applause for Jubin. He sang very well. Have you all noticed this? He is always very happy
when he sings. He always smiles.
– Smiles.. Why are you so happy? Do you get paid in advance? He isn’t scared because he
has already got money. “I always miss you..” “Hey..” Others usually ask their
organisers ‘Where is my money..’ ‘Where is it..’ ‘Where is it..’ Right? Please sit, sir. I want to tell you that Jubin
is very sweet and he is an amazing singer. He came to Mumbai from Dehradun
to study. Then, he went back to Dehradun
to study music. Then, he went to Banaras
to learn light classical. Then, he went to Chennai
to learn western music. Do you..
– Yes, sir. Do you not trust one teacher? How do you come up with this.. Jubin, you learnt so much. I went to Banaras
to learn from Mr. Channulal. Okay..
– He has a good style in light classical. – Wow.
– Expression.. I’m a huge fan of his.
– Okay. I went to Chennai to learn
alternative rock music. I formed my own style after learning different genres. It’s very beautiful. It’s time to call the co-creator
and the music composer of ‘One India My India’. The music director.
Very talented lyricist singer and music director.
Please welcome Mr. Mithun Sharma! Mithun, you’re most welcome.
– Thank you. Mithun, I didn’t know much
about you. The song, ‘Those moments.’
Those moments. He composed the music
at the age of 19. The best part
is that the producer agreed. So, how did your journey begin
at the age of 19? One day, my dad got a call
from Mr. Mukesh Bhat’s office. Okay.
– That they were making a film and they want some music.
– Okay. When he went there, he saw
that the singer is a 22 year-old guy
and the other is 20 year-old. The director
is a 21-year-old boy. – Okay. Dad old them he’s feeling
out of place and he’s send his son.
– Okay. When I went to their office,
there was Mr. Mahesh Bhatt and Mr. Mukesh.
So, he introduced me to the singer and that was
20-year-old Atif Aslam. – Okay. Then, he introduced me
to the director. He was 22-year-old Mohit Suri.
– Okay. – Oh! You have to compose a song.
– Okay. So, the journey started
from there. ‘Those moments’
and it’s going on till Kabir Singh now.
– Wonderful. Very good. – Wow! Many congratulations. The music arranger
for first ‘Aashiqui’ was Mithun’s dad.
For ‘Aashiqui 2’ it was all Mithun’s work. So, is music
your family profession or is it composing music
for ‘Aashiqui’? Sorry, I’m just joking.
Please come and have a seat. Well, Mithun, when you were
composing music for ‘Aashiqui 2’ did your dad’s experience
help you or did you have your own
experience in love help? It’s quite common
during college days. That’s nothing big. Of course. It’s a part
of everyone’s life. There he is. You composed very good music. That song, as far
as I remember when we just started our show,
that song ‘Because it’s you’. Right.
– That song must be in numerous episodes,
if we have done 200 episodes in at least 100 episodes,
people would have sung that song. It was so popular.
– Really? – People still do. People still do.
I mean, it’s an amazing song. So, you mean, today?
– Yes, even today. You have to sing it.
– I.. – Hey! I’m good only where no one else
sings well. I don’t take a risk when we have
such great musicians. So..
– No. Mr. Suki.. If you really want me to sing,
take me in some of your movie. Fine, it’s a deal, Kapil.
You sing the song, today. Are you sure?
– And the next time you sing will be on my mike.
– I love you, dear! Take some fruits.
Take some Lichi. You’re our special guest.
It’s all yours, dear. Take this watermelon, too. You have bananas.
Sir, what’s this called in Hindi? What’s this called?
– Lu.. – Grapes.. No.. – It’s imported grapes.
– ‘Aalo Bukhara’.. – No.. It’s grapes. – Imported grapes.
– It’s grapes. So huge?
– Black grape. – No, they are. They look like plum.
– Right. Are they grapes? Yes, it is. – Just try them.
It’s grapes. They’re so expensive.
I hope they don’t make us sick. I’m not used to it.
I’m just used to the ordinary bananas.
Anyways.. When I was at the backstage,
Mr. Suki told something really nice.
We were having a discussion. He said, India.. Our country is very prosperous. But even the busiest person
definitely watches ‘The Kapil Sharma Show’.
– Thanks to God! It’s the love of people, sir. Or else, earlier,
I’d just to get hear he just keeps talking.
What will he do in life? Seriously. Later, I got to know
I can even get paid for talking this way. I would like to introduce
another personality. He’s the one who has produced the album ‘One India, my India’. He’s also the director.
So, please welcome Shailendra Singh!
– Oh! Come, sir..
– Oh, sir.. Sir, you’ve composed
a beautiful anthem. Thank you so much for this.
It’s because of you we have this gathering, today.
Sir, how did you get this idea of ‘One India, my India’.
– I feel in last few years the entire earth is divided.
– Right. It can be based on caste,
religion, food, fashion maps, politics, language.
It could be whatever. Right.
– But the fact is that all our hearts beat
in the same way. – Definitely. So, I made this anthem,
with Mr. Mithun which took almost
one and half years. Why did we do this?
Because I feel this thought
‘One India, my India’ was definitely
for all the Indians. – Okay. But it’s for all those
who live on this earth and consider it as their home.
– A very beautiful thought. Very beautiful, sir.
– Very nice. He has composed
a very beautiful song. Shailendra and Mithun together
have created this album. I also heard it’s such
a beautiful song that all the actors
or technicians or musicians who worked in the song
didn’t take money. So, is it that they actually
didn’t take it or you bribed them saying,
you work in this and we’ll take you
to ‘The Kapil Sharma Show’. I was joking.
– I wanted to ask you something. So many people have
come to your show. Salman, Katrina, Dwayne Bravo..
So many people. Yes. – Did you ever think
that I’d come to your show? I never thought that, sir. I’ve met Mr. Shailender
for the first time. My producers told me that
he has produced around 72 films. A round of applause for him. Thank you.
– And.. He has made over 2,000 ad films. He is also a writer,
he has directed feature films he also makes short films. He brought Sunburn music
festival to India. – Oh, my God. He also manages talents of Bollywood stars
and sportspeople. Sir, I want to ask you,
what is your favourite thing to do? Do you want to earn
money from everything? I just had one goal in my life.
– Yes? I wanted to come on your show. That’s so sweet, sir. No..
– That’s so sweet of you. It’s very important
for people who are seeing this show to understand
that whenever you do an episode, you share your heart
with the world. – Yes. Very nice.
– It’s not a joke. It’s God’s grace.
– Well said. Well said. There are a few rumours
about everyone. People keep talking about it.
– Stay alert. I want to ask you all
if those rumours are true. The rumour about you is..
– I’m the first one. No.. Whenever you record a song,
you change the colour of lights of a studio. You need special lights
for songs. I make the studio dark.
– Okay. Sometimes, directors and
producers have passion. – Okay. Sometimes, our loved ones
get involved in it. They come with
their families and kids. Uncles and aunts.. It’s like a celebration
and I like it. It seems grand. Everyone wants to
sit where I sing. It gets hard for me
to concentrate. I cannot tell them to leave
so I get the lights turned off. The problem is reading the song. I won’t be able to memorise
the song at the moment. I keep the song in front of me. Like this. I keep the lights of the console
turned on. I can read the lyrics
from the reflection. – Wow! Wow..
– Wow! I’m fooling people since 15
years that I sing in the dark. It’s a good way. It’s a good idea, sir. When I did my first
movie with Abbas Mastan.. I.. I was a singer. I sang a song. The people who shoot
the making of the movie came and said, ‘You’re
singing in your first film.’ They got the camera and halogen
light in front of me. It was so bright. The cameraman.. ‘Sing.’ I couldn’t sing with emotions. That’s a good way. I’ve heard a rumour about Jubin. It’s false.
– No.. I’ve heard that he
catches snakes. – What? Oh!
– Are you not scared? I think, I’ve a connection
with snakes. I love snakes. My favourite reptile.. He just goes and holds them. ‘Come here.’ You can catch a snake? Yes, I can catch it. Any snake? Such a lovely singer
holds snakes. I wouldn’t take such a big risk. If there’s a cobra,
I’ll run away. But if I see and cute snake
and like it.. How can snakes be cute? Yes. The snake won’t apply lipstick. Snakes are snakes.
Right? Actually, I was born in a hill
area. – Yes. I’m from a village.
– Right. I lived with farmers. I have a small question.
– Border.. Sometimes,
snakes cross the border. They enter without a visa. We find a lot of snakes
at the border. Can I ask him a question?
– Sure. How do you differentiate
between a male snake and a female snake? Hey.. I love snakes.
I don’t care about their genders yet. He probably gets
more female snakes. That’s a nice question. Intelligent.. But right now..
– He probably gets a lot of female snakes
because of his looks. People say ‘Did you have curds?’ I don’t understand what’s the.. Sometimes.. But some people say.. Anyway, I’ll clear the rumours
that I heard. Shailender.
– Yes? I’ve heard that..
– No.. …you used to work
at a coffee shop in a hotel before becoming
a producer and a director. Is that right?
– Yes. Right?
– Really? – Yes. Seriously? – I
used to work in ‘Shamina Taj’. Okay. – My
salary was Rs. 1,280. But it was fun, to be honest. I used to wear a bow. Wow. He is hard working.
– Yes. He is so successful now. Thank you, sir. Wow.. Mithun, I’ve heard that since
you have the same name as Mr. Mithun. Mithun Chakraborty. You have the same names. Many people have both
their numbers saved because it’s the same industry. Many people call you by mistake. You get angry and say,
‘Darn you’ and hang up. Is that true? Did that happen? I’ve to learn how to say
it from you. I’ve heard such things.
Did it happen? It happened once.
– Okay. Since then,
it has become a rumour. It became a rumour.
– Yes. Wow.. Look at Jubin’s face, sir. He looks so innocent. Someone like him can
even use fake money. Right? People would easily give
you Rs. 1,000 or more. Even if you ask a stranger
for it. He’ll give it to you. He has a lovely face. Give me Rs. 1,100, sir. Wow! Wow.. Amazing! Mr. Sukhwinder.. Wow.. How are you, Mr. Jubin? I’m fine. How are you, Mr. Shailender?
– I’m fine. I love this man.
– Sir. How are you?
– How are you? How are you, sir? Are you fine?
– Yes. Are you okay? That’s your mic? Okay. Wow! He’ll always be mannerless.
– Yes. Just like how frogs
come out during rains he comes here when artists come. He annoys us. Why are you here? Everything was going well. Ask the guests.. Yes.
– I don’t like local people. Local..
– We have international guests. Yes.
– Listen to me. If people don’t like me,
I’ll do as you say. Tell me.
– Yes.. Chandan! Chandan.. Chandan.. Chandan.. Chandan.. Tell me.. Ms. Archana,
I think, I’ll get a seat in the parliament because of
my increasing fan following. Mr. Sukhwinder’s song
won an Oscar. A huge round of applause
for him. Wow.. Do you know about the Oscars? You keep asking me stupid
questions. Just like Gavaskar and Bhaskar,
they have Oscar. Wow.. Do you remember that
the science teacher.. – Yes. …had given you homework
when you were a kid? – Yes. You hadn’t done it.
You bunked. – Yes.. Kids, the kids who bunk
school turn up to be like this. People who don’t bunk
haven’t achieved anything great, either. Wow! Yes, Chandu!
Yes! I’m a huge fan of yours,
Mr. Sukhwinder. I’ve heard your songs in
Hindi, Punjabi English and Telugu.
– Do you know Telugu? I don’t understand you, either. But I listen to you. I’m a huge fan of yours, sir. I love singing.
I can sing like you. He does this. He acts like the guests
who come here. ‘I love singing.’ If a football player comes here,
he says ‘I love playing football.’
– Yes. I guarantee you,
if I bring a goat on stage he’ll say to the goat,
‘I produce milk just like you’. Tell me, how can you call
yourself a singer? We’ll, I’m from Amritsar. You know how singers
motivate with their songs? But he’s sings people
into misery. One day, a music director
asked him to sing from the heart. He goes, ‘from the heart?’.
Director goes, ‘yes’. He says, ‘I haven’t eaten
since morning’. ‘Please give me something
to eat’. Idiot, he told you to sing not to share your problems. His problems! Idiot. Look, Sir, there’s no harm
in asking favors. What you shouldn’t do,
is snatch from others. Whether it’s someone
else’s chair. Isn’t that right? You dare talk trash
about Archana? Are you done?
Get out of here! Listen to me, Kapil. You always get to talk. Just give me a minute or two
to speak with the guests. Please. Anyway,
Mr. Mithun everything that I am today..
– What exactly are you? Cha.. Chandu! Chandu! You hear that?
– You know how conniving Chandu is?
He gets here 4 hours early to meet the audience
outside in covert. He tells everyone that
if they cheer ‘Chandu’ inside they’ll get to click a photo
with the celebrities. Say what you will. But I’ve learned one thing
from Mr. Sukhwinder which is, you should let
your work speak for itself. Oh!
– Wow! Well said. Yes, every day at 9 am, he
starts working on the streets. He goes, ‘any junk,
paper or waste?’. Look, who is rich
between the two of us? You can tell who sells
more junk. Oh! Very nice.
– Say something Kapil. That’s one of his traits. He himself lets out
the response. All right,
I’ll tell you something. What? You called me
a junk dealer. Tell me, how can a junk dealer
have wads of cash? Oh, my!
– Wow! Oh, boy!
– Wow! I’m sure he stole them
from someone. You’re calling me a thief? I’d rather die of hunger
than to steal from others. Look there, Kapil Sharma. That’s my food stall. I can see that,
but I don’t see any customers. I’ve never seen anyone,
apart from you. You and that gesturing man
on the board. Business is slow
because it’s late at night. This is the earnings I made
earlier. So, I figured I’ll go out
and enjoy the weekend. Listen to me.
– What? Weekends are for rich folks.
People like you say ‘it’s my boss’s day off,
that’s why I’m home too’. You don’t have weekend offs.
You have Sundays. Mr. Sukhwinder.
– Yes? That’s my food stall
over there. And I have named a dish
after you. What’s that?
– Wow! It’s, ‘sukhi puri’. Oh!
‘Sukhi Puri’! I just have a small request. If you’d be kind enough
to click a ‘selfie’ with me it’ll really help
my business. How much would it help? Are you expecting
a blockbuster? This is the most
you’ll ever earn. Wow! Yeah! How are you?
– She is my favorite! Thank you, Sir. Hi.
He’s my favorite. Where did he go?
Where are you? I’ll beat you with
the pole today. He stole money from my parlour,
Kapil! Is that so? Hey, crazy women! Think before accusing me! If I had put any thought, I’d be
hitting you between the legs. Then you’ll find out how bad
it could have been. Let me speak with the guests. Hi, how are you?
– I’m good. Hello, Sir. I see you’re wearing
my uncle’s pants. Hello. Mr. Sukhwinder, how are you?
– I’m very good. Mr. Sukhwinder.
– Yes? I’m very depressed. They have caused me
a lot of misery. But, I’m a huge fan of yours. Truly. Sir, you’ll keep seeking
blessings from elders, right? Right.
– Yes. Don’t even ask for this one.
– Why? Because it’ll never benefit you.
– Which one? ‘Be happy always’. Why? Because he’ll always be happy
regardless. What’s the point
of that blessing? I have something for you, Sir. Here you go. ‘Sukhi bhel’. Give up your dream. I already told him about
my dish. You’re too late. He’s right. I knew you’d tell him
by now. Anyway, did you listen
to his song? Which one?
– ‘Chainya Chainya’. Yes, I have.
– Well, I must ask you, Sir in that song, you said,
‘heaven will be under our feet’. Yes.
– Bust, Sir in ‘Nala Sopara’, there is
excrement under our feet. Why is that, Sir? Poor people like us have to walk on excrement. Only rich people like yourselves
have heaven under your feet. But, today, I’ll get your legs
swelling with a beating. You’ll get to experience
heaven under your feet. Return my money. If you need money,
beg at traffic signals. Today, it’s..
Come her for a minute. Were you born in February?
– Yes, Sapna. How do you know? Come on, I know that.
You know, Sir there used to be 30 days
in February? But when it found out
about his birth it decided to mourn
for two days. That’s why there are 28 days. Get out of here!
Useless! You’re calling me useless? As if you’re a scientist
at ‘NASA’ yourself. Let me tell you her deed. This is what she said
to a donkey outside. ‘Sir, marry me and I’ll turn you
into an educated human being’. Yes. Didn’t I make you a human
with education? You talk rubbish.
How did you make so much money? I have a food stall. I supply food to movie sets
and TV studios. And you know even ‘Amitabh Bachan’
eats the food from my stall. I know that.
Do you all know Amitabh Bachan asks
six questions in ‘KBC’? When he saw his food,
he began asking 12 questions. Like, who and from where
he came. And he kicked him out. And, Kapil, you know..
– What? Mr. Bachan always says, ‘hain’?
– Yes. When he saw him,
he gave him three whacks! When he dropped to the ground,
Mr. Bachan said, ‘pick him up’. But even the people refused
to do so saying, ‘no, we do not
pick up idiots’. Well done!
Chandu! Hey, you!
Heavier than a bouncer! Hey! Stop talking about my food.
I’m warning you! You call that food?
Even the people are worried. You know what, Kapil?
Even the houseflies are worried. How? – Ms. Archana,
how does a housefly fly? Like this, right? It flies like this
in his eatery. And I.. I..
You know what? There was one housefly,
Mr. Shailendra. It was very cute.
It had only one hand. It was flying like this. It held its nose
after seeing his food. It fell and died. You have killed insects.
– Laugh. If I get angry the animal within me
will be awakened. The animal within you? The man within you
is coming out. The man within me?
I will call the police. Wait. Call the police.
I’ll also call the police today. She had food from my eatery
and didn’t pay the bill. The bill amount
was Rs. 10,000. That is why I stole
Rs. 10,000 from his parlour. Rs. 10,000 for what? Who has food worth
Rs.10,000 at an eatery, Kapil? Mr. Sukhwinder, we have
four types of ‘Dal’. Yes, he is right.
Four types of ‘Dal’. Correct.
– Today’s Dal’, yesterday’s Dal’ day before yesterday’s
‘Dal’ Mother’s ‘dal’. And ‘Dal’ cooked
one day before that. That was soup
and not ‘Dal’. Was it soup? – A woman who
stands on her heels and eats. A woman who stands
on her heels and eats. I have brought
the entire menu that I had eaten
at his eatery. Kapil, look at this. When I had been
to his eatery I told him that I want
to have ‘Jeera Rice’. – Yes. He gave me rice
that was fallen on the floor. Yes, what is the problem? Isn’t the earth your mom? Can’t you eat food
from your mom? Why can’t I eat
from my mom? I ordered
‘Chicken Do Pyaza’. He brought chicken. But there were no
onions in it. The chicken was fasting
that day, Mr. Jubin. Chandan. – Yes,
your chickens fast, right? What about the ‘Chicken Tikka’
that I had ordered? I had sent it. Yes, you had sent it.
Do you know what had he done? He applied vermillion
on the chicken and sent it. Mind-blowing. Kapil.
– Yes. It was a rowdy chicken. It ate my ‘Paneer Tikka’
and left. This is the kind of food
that he serves. Let me tell you about her. Normal people.. Normal people have
‘Seekh Kabab’. She is the first woman who had the skewer
along with the ‘Kabab’. Yes.
What problem do you have? I don’t have any problem. You will face a problem
in the morning. Chandan. I don’t want
to discuss this topic anymore. Listen to me. I have
taken my share of the amount. What share? You
made me eat under the sunlight. There was no shade too. Everyone wants shade. But nobody is ready
to plant a tree. Wow!
– Wow! Wow, Chandan!
Well said. Very good. Mr. Sukhwinder, this line
deserves a standing ovation. That was a satire.
Wow! – Wow! Wow!
Fantastic. Chandan, take this. Show the menu to Kapil.
It is a stupid menu. Take a look.
– What is written in the menu? What is written
in the menu? It’s a good menu. Look at that. I had not seen this. What dishes
do you serve in your eatery? Oh, God! Chicken Fired Rice?
– Yes. Fired? The rice was slightly
uncooked. I burnt it. That is why it is called
Fired Rice. Fired? I will set your
pant on fire now, understood? Mr. Sukhwinder,
tell me one thing. What will you do
when you go on a show and you don’t get paid for it? I won’t go. You won’t sing?
– No. I would remove the clothes
of such people. Isn’t it?
Come on, remove your clothes. Remove your
clothes. – Whose? Hey!
– Hey, listen to me. Mom. Don’t call your mom. Don’t call your mom. You are like my brother,
right? – Yes. That’s not fair. You give me 50 per cent
of the money now. It’s okay if you give me
50 per cent later. Don’t call your mom. Come, I’ll give you
50 per cent. Don’t fight with me again,
okay? I won’t fight. – Mr. Sukhwinder,
I’ll settle this matter. You enjoy.
– Okay, bye. Come with me. Get lost!
Don’t act smart. Mr. Shailendra,
we have a massage parlour. We have different types
of massages. We have a special
Sukhi massage. Sukhi massage?
What happens in this? We apply oil on
the customer. – Yes. And we place
a dry roti on him. We make him lie
on a hot pan then. Oh, God! After that, we ask him whether he was dry earlier
or now. That is how it works. You had done a hit movie
titled ‘Taal’. Yes. – Yes.
– We have ‘Taal’ massage too. What happens in that? We remove the clothes
of the customer. Okay. We send him back then. Why is that?
– He gets worried. He comes back again. We remove his clothes again. We apply oil on him
and send him back. Then?
– He comes back again. We keep avoiding him
like that. ‘Taal’.
– ‘Taal’. Avoiding him. Avoiding him. ‘Kachche Dhaage’ massage
is very good. We call the customer
and remove his clothes. And we apply oil. And the thread
that comes out from his shorts.. Superb. Superb.
– Mind-blowing. From that.. Superb. We do his threading
before that. Threading. Threading.
– Threading. Threading.
That is free due to the thread. Mr. Kapil, I have brought
a gift for Ms. Sapna. – Okay. Shall I give it?
– Yes, give it. Before giving her the gift let’s have a huge round
of applause for Sapna. Love you, Krushna.
– Thank you. Sapna! I have worked hard
on this.. Will you come here? This is
a ‘Filmfare’ moment. Come here. ‘Filmfare’ moment.
– Yes. Mr. Kapil will give it to you. I cannot give it
because I have brought it. Mr. Kapil, you are
our VIP guest today. So, I want to give
this cheque of Rs. 1 crore to Ms. Sapna. Sapna is finally getting
a cheque of Rs. 1 crore. No, Shailendra
is giving this cheque. I cannot believe
that it has any zero. Archana, this negativity
is not good. It is a cheque
of Rs. 1 crore. But it doesn’t have
the name of the bank. The name of the bank
is written here. Where is it? Nala Sopara Unlimited Bank.
– Sapna Beauty Parlour.. Nala Sopara Unlimited Bank. Amazing, Mr. Shailendra.
Thank you. Take Rs. 2 crores from her. I will give you Rs. 10 crores
before going. – Yes. But thank you,
Mr. Shailendra. Thank you.
– Well done, Sapna. Thank you. Bye. We are gathered here
to celebrate the anthem ‘One India My India’
created by our artistic friends. So, we ought to hear that.
– Yes, of course. Yes!
– Great. – Sir, please come. Mr. Jubin and Sukhwinder
have sung this song. – Wow! Mr. Mithoon has directed it.
Mr. Shailendra has produced it. Sir, please come.
This set up.. Yes, please bring it here soon. Give a huge round of applause
for our guests. Sir, once again,
thank you so much for this beautiful anthem. Thank you, Mr. Sukhwinder,
I love you. – Thank you. Thank you, brother.
God bless you. – Thank you.. It’s a beautiful song.
Very beautiful. Thank you.
– Thank you. It’s beautiful. Now it’s time..
– Mr. Sukhwinder! …to take a beautiful picture. Ms. Archana, you have seen stars
and superstars grace our show. Yes. – But today,
a superhero will arrive who, like a messiah, comes to
the rescue of a troubled one in a jiffy.
Not just the adults but even kids are his fans. So, let’s us welcome,
with a huge round of applause our favourite star,
Spiderman! Hey! Oh, my God! Wow! Sir, welcome. I had forgot that Spiderman
never makes a normal entry. Wow! Give a huge round of applause
for Spiderman! Ms. Archana, he is very
economical and eco-friendly. Is he? – Yes. Neither does
he need a vehicle nor an aeroplane. He just
shoots a web and swoosh! Spiderman, I wholeheartedly
welcome you to our show. He is amazing! Wow! Great?
– Wow! If you pull a yarn from
a sweater, it comes undone. But Spiderman never unravels.
He is intact. Sir, I wanted to
ask you something. Bro.
– ‘Bro’! Are you married? That’s how he
reaches everywhere in time. Otherwise, if he were married,
he’d be stuck at home answering his wife’s questions.
‘Whom are you going to rescue?’ ‘Is she related to you?
And why are you going?’ ‘Is everyone’s safety
your responsibility?’ So, we see that
he is a bachelor. Ms. Archana, sometimes,
I think, if he had a wife she would misuse his powers. ‘Dear, create a clothesline.
I want to hang clothes to dry.’ ‘I need more yarn for Sonu’s
sweater, give me some.’ Sir, I wanted to ask you
something. I see that you have no zippers
in your pants. So, if you have to answer
a call of nature do you have to remove
the whole dress? Or do you just do it like this? Well, when Spiderman
dresses as his real self he looks like an ordinary man.
I mean to say every person is a superhero. You just need to
awaken your powers. Spiderman’s fans are here,
especially, the kids. They are here to see you.
Please say ‘hi’ to them. Kids, I want to
ask you a question. Did you like meeting him?
– Yes! Okay, who will speak first?
Raise your hands. Okay. There are two kids at the back.
Kids, why do you think Spiderman is the best?
– Spiderman is very stylish and he can cling to surfaces. And whoever is in trouble, he
instantly goes to their rescue. I see. Kids, tell me something.
If God grants you a superpower what will it be?
– Flying. Wow! – Why? – So that
I can reach places on time. Where do you have to go? You are
a kid. Where do you have to go? You are late for what?
– For school. – Okay! This is the first kid who wants
to reach school on time. Wow! He does.
– Very nice! Who else? I want teleportation powers
as I feel lazy to walk. I see. – Teleport.
– Who taught you this word? I learned it at school.
– Okay. I wonder what kind
of school I went to. I.. Do you want to see him
performing stunts? Yes! – Yes..
– I want to see his stunts! Me too.
– Yes. – Yes. Oh, my God!
– Woah! Wow! Wow!
– Woah! Wow! Superb! So, everyone,
keep smiling like this. Keep your surroundings
neat and clean. And keep watching
‘The Kapil Sharma Show’. Good night! Take care!

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