It’s time to say goodbye to grand gestures, the grandest it gets these days is swiping right instead of left. As your local hopeless romantic, I’m sad to report, romance is dead Okay umm, I’m gonna kill your column. What, why? Because your love life is boring. It’s not that boring. You write a sex column with no sex. I do stuff (I should go) Make your column less boring I have made sixty seven thousand dollars in gifts. Am I a prostitute? No. A gold digger? Maybe. A sugar baby So are you gonna get in? He’s into arrangements, I could say something. Please don’t. You don’t have to do anything You don’t want to do. I’d like to see you again. You gonna date this guy? No Buzzer sounds hot. He’s not hot hot, but he is kinda charming The writer has to become the story. Being solicited is just the first part. What happens afterwards, that’s the story There’s something about him that I can’t put my finger on so What the hell? Wealthy older people supporting struggling younger ones is nothing revolutionary Maybe relationships aren’t supposed to be for love, but for survival. Why don’t you have a girlfriend? I don’t want to spend my time texting or fighting. A mutually beneficial relationship I was a sugar baby Is dragging in all the hits I loved you lost : I don’t write a column, okay My column isn’t harmless white. You’re not a hooker I can’t do this right now how this works. I don’t know What being a hooker feels like whenever you feel stressed like this? Oh journalism works is you follow the story. Got your feelings you okay? This would be the moment where it would seem all hope is lost. But this is an Iran home from the 90s This is my story Got bored, but I got organelles bacon so I sprinkled in a bunch of Molly no Are you are you okay?