This Movie is Too Funny – A Night In Compton – Free Movie

This Movie is Too Funny – A Night In Compton – Free Movie


– Okay, five, four, three. (loud grunting) This is… Shit, I’m sorry, can we go again please? One more time, ready? Guys, you on me, my hair look good? My hair look good, buddy? – Man, come on! – In five, four, three. This is John Hounddog Bower. And this is Busted TV. Today, we come to you
live from just outside one of the most notable
historical black colleges on the Eastern seaboard, the mighty HU. In our first segment today,
we have Jackson Williams, AKA The Rainmaker, known
for making grown men cry. (dog barking) – Now all I know, man, my
woman’s cheating on me. And I’m gonna break her neck, and the chump she’s with! – Sources have followed your
girl for the past few weeks, and this is what we’ve discovered. Take a look at this. After all you’ve done for her, taking care of her puppies
and her sick grandma. – This is bullshit! – That’s right, homie! – [Rainmaker] You called me what? – Mr. Rainmaker, sir. – [Rainmaker] This is bullshit! – [John] That’s right, homie. – You called me what? – Mr. Rainmaker, sir! – Say it again! – Mr. Rainmaker Sir, yes Sir! – Say it again! – Mr. Rainmaker, Sir. – Okay, where’s she at? – Our sources have tracked
her to just around the corner in this alley, sir,
where she’s helping this young school boy. – She’s helping who? – She’s helping this young man move boxes to pay his school bills. Would you like to confront
this young man, sir? Mr. Rainmaker, Sir? (mumbles) Let’s go. Busted, guys, let’s go, go, go, come on! Right this way, sir. – [Rainmaker] Hurry up! – Okay, come on, guys. Emerald, hi, this is John
Hound Dog Bower with Busted TV. – Oh shit! (man yelling) – What you doing with my woman fool? – Baby, what you doing (mumbles)? – What you with this little punk for? – Man, this is– – I’m gonna kill you and
then I’m gonna kill you. – She said her mama gave her that ring. I’m telling you, her mama! – Where’s your head, bitch! Where’s your head if you wanna talk? – [John] Emerald, how could
you do this to Jackson? You, how could you break
up such a happy home? – (Mumbles) he just, he just– – Get your hand… – He just you when you not here. It’s not what it looks like, I promise. (man yelling) – [John] Emerald, is he the one that gave you the venereal disease? (loud whipping) – He’s the one, he the one, he did it! It was him! (mumbles) – You got a venereal disease? That means I got it! (woman sobbing) – He was gonna tell my grandma, and you know how my grandma is! She’ll pistol whip me and him! – Kill him first. – Not me, not me, not me. – Man shut up and get out the way, chump! (woman sobbing) (man grunting) – Don’t nobody put hands on my man. (loud thumping) – Emerald, can I ask you a
few more questions, please? Emerald, do you still love your husband? Emerald, what about this young man? What are you gonna do? Emerald, how are the crabs? (loud thumping) (exciting energetic music) – Man, why don’t you raise up off my little brother computer? – Man, it took your slow ass long enough. What you doing in here anyway? What happened to your room? – Man, you know my mama
doing her hydroponic game, you know? – Hey man, I told Zion
ass not to be jacking up the phone bill calling that flip. He messing up the drinking and smoking. – Man, I got bigger problems
than the damn phone bill. – Bigger than the drinking and smoking? – Bigger than the drinking and smoking. Man BJ called me
yesterday talking about we need to talk about our future,
and you know what that means, – [Both] She pregnant. – Exactly. So you know, I get over there yesterday, and what’s the first thing she says, – [Both] I’m pregnant. – So you know, I give
her the hand sandwich with a sincere nod, and
I’m like yeah, you know, she asks me, “What do you wanna do?” And I’m like, “Yeah, you
know, I wanna be the father “and everything, but
there’s something that I “need to confess before we
go ahead and do this thing.” (loud whipping)
(light rhythmic music) I’m a cross dresser. (men laughing) She start crying and tripping out, you know, I told her, I’m like, “Yo, it ain’t that L don’t love you baby, “it’s just that I need you
to know what kind of man “you getting ready to
start a family with.” – Did she buy it? – Man, shit, what you think? Nigga, she called the (mumbles)
fast for an appointment. Man, hey look, I know it’s fucked up dog, but look, I ain’t ready for no kids. Hell no! (exciting energetic music) – Hope them ain’t your
grand mama’s drawers. (energetic rhythmic music) – Hey, hey, no woman breaks my heart. I chased her ass down
those stair like (mumbles). (women laughing)
(loud whipping) A lyin’ ass stank. – Sheryl, tell them
about that nigga Darren. – [Women] Scandalous niggas! – Word of advice, ladies,
never date your best friends girlfriends brother. After I broke up with that fool L… – [All] Scandalous niggas. – I start going out with Darren. So he begged for months
to get some nana, right? But I wouldn’t. So one day we went back to
his mama’s house, right? And so he was complaining
that his stomach was hurting. So I was like, “I’ll fix
that boo, let me rub it.” (women laughing) So anyhow, we butt naked right? Kissing and hugging, and this fool farts. (women yelling) It smelled like hot cheese and garbage. I was like take your ass to the bathroom, but he just sits his ass
on the end of the bed holding his stomach rocking. – [All] Hmm mmm. – So I told this nigga
to go to the bathroom, and when he gets up I look
at the foot of the bed and this nasty ass negro
leaves a turd right where he– (women screaming) I could not believe it,
I could not believe it. That just goes to show you, if a nigga ain’t breaking your heart, they shitting on you,
just like that fool L. (loud whipping) – [All] Scandalous niggas! – And I agree whole heartedly. (dramatic rhythmic music) – Hey, you know drinking and
smoking at your house tonight. – Hey, ain’t none of
that tonight, you crazy. – Hey, hey, push my car
because my reverse broke. (man laughing) (loud grinding) (intense rhythmic music) (phone ringing) – Hello? What’s up, sexy Lanise? Listen, I just got in. Damn, hold on. Hello? – Smoking and drinking
at your house tonight. – Nah, ain’t no drink,
smoke nothing here tonight. Lanise is coming over. (man laughing) – You talking about fat ass
Shamu from around the corner? Man, you can see her another night. – Nah Cuz, she went back to that fat camp and her body is like whoa,
I’m talking Mya style. So let me see, hell crazy wild
butt naked sex with Lanise or hang with ya’ll broke asses. I’m hanging with Lanise. – Hey man, damn that, we coming. Hold on. What? – (Mumbles) what’s up with tonight? – Smoking, drinking science. – I thought the two lovebirds
were kicking it tonight? – Hey Shepard, you still single? – As a dollar bill. Zion think he gonna hit that tonight. (women giggling) – Yeah whatever, good luck. (light rhythmic music) – Lanise, you know I’m ready, right? You ready for the handcuffs and hot wax? I’m gonna have you backing that thing up, dropping it like it’s hot, all that, ma. – Boy, what is your problem? – Man, what the hell you doing here? I thought you were on your fellowship. – Well as you can see,
asshole, I’m pregnant. I found out when I went back to DC. – Again, mom and them know? Kennedy’s daddy know? That ain’t Rodney’s baby? (man giggling) – Shut up. – Well you need to vamoose, because I got company coming over. So you, Kennedy, and whoever, need to get the hell out of here. – Daddy all ready rented out my apartment so I ain’t going nowhere
except to lamaze class, which means you and
Kennedy are going to have some quality time. – I got plans, you better
take her around the corner. – To Aunt Nelly’s house, it
smells like burned batteries over there, and you
know she drink too much. – Damn. – Oh, and mama left you a list of chores right here on the
fridgerator, and she said, and I quote, “No butt
naked hoochie parties”, end quote. Oh, and if you do, I’m telling. And you know what that
means, no European tour for you Mr. TV Star. – Always playing coochie cop, stop hating. (rhythmic easygoing music) (light explosions) (loud knocking) – What the hell you want, boy? I know you, boy, I remember
you from the airport. You live around the
corner, don’t you, boy? Yeah, all you little niggas
starting to come around now that she done slimmed down. – But, but, but– – What, you talking back to me boy? What’s that in your ears boy, earrings? You know what we used to
do with prisoners like you over in Desert Storm? We used to take a broomstick
and make love to them. You wanna make some love tonight, boy? – Uh uh. – I didn’t think so, now
get your shiftless ass off my property. Now Lanisa’s leaving
tomorrow to make something better of herself, and
none of you little niggas is going to stop her! Now get! (rhythmic soft music) (door slamming) – You know my pops
would kill me if he knew you was over here, right? – Ain’t nobody worried
about cracker ass fool, never did like him. The punk still owe me money, fifth grade. Hey, you lucky that girl ain’t
see your monkey ass on TV. You gonna go check her out or what? – See her? Her Rambo ass daddy won’t even
let her talk on the phone. She leaving tomorrow. – Hmm mmm, I heard about that dude. Hey, hey Z, you remember
that time you took her blouse and put it over the car,
made it a car cover. (men laughing) I was that respect (mumbles).
– That was a good one. – You created the bun. – That was a good one,
it’s different now though. We talk on the phone for hours, she smart, she got goals, she got a banging ass body, and she love me, so I’m gonna
be hittin’ that tonight. – And (mumbles) I gotta tell your dumbass that sex don’t equal love. Sex ain’t good but for two things, boy, and believe me, I know, VD. – How else am I supposed to show her I got feelings for her? – Write her a poem, send her some flowers, buy some oranges, I don’t know. Damn nigga, do something
positive with your life. Now that little analogy
is only gonna cost you $5. – Just because you took
a few philosophy classes in college don’t make you Dr. Phil. – Man, I’m smarter than Dr. Phil. He need Oprah, I ain’t got nobody. So you gonna check her out or what? – Man, that place like Alcatraz, I all ready staked it out. – Look man, you could
sneak in the crib from the next door neighbor. – But what about Kennedy? – You worried about Kennedy? Man, don’t you know about babies? When a baby is sleep, a baby is dead. That’s why baby be in cars,
floating in the water, still be alive, they dead. – What about the cameras,
the motion lights, and the damn attack dog? – He done stepped up his game, huh? Well let me tell you something, the lights in the front
yard work, trust me, I know. But what we gonna do is we
gonna go around the back door. I’ll take care of the dogs, you just watch out for the dog shit. – You know what? That don’t sound half bad. – Not bad, huh? Now that little
information’s only gonna cost you a 3.99 extra. – What, you charging me? Man look, I’ll tell shorty you the one who stole Rodney’s motorbike. – Hey, hey, brother, I
don’t want no trouble. Don’t tell that fool shit. I heard he slapped a
dude and broke his ankle. Why don’t you let a
brother get the blender and three spoons? That’s all I need, I
don’t need nothing else. – What? Man here, and that’s for your
stomach, not for your arm. – Ah, let’s see what we got here, Larry. Ahh, Jesus, who cooked this shit? Ain’t nobody gonna buy
this burnt ass food. Let a nigga get his own plate. – Man watch out, queen
Eveleen might be coming. – Oh, shit. – Hello look, I’m leaving,
Sanford’s out in the car waiting for me, Kennedy’s
in the back sleeping, and the bottles are– – Are not in my plans. The only nipples I’m gonna
be playing with tonight are Lanise’s. – Well Zion, then I guess
mom is just gonna have another stroke when she finds
out about the $1,500 bill that you ran up for all those
long distance calls at school. – I’ll pay my debt to society. Where mama leave that
traditional 50 bucks? – She didn’t leave you no money, and they’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. So like I said, the bottles
are in the fridgerator, and I’ll be back at 12:30 so have fun. – Whatever, Trick. Hey, what’s wrong with the bathroom? – It’s broke, so don’t mess with it. – Too late. (light horn music) – And don’t think about
taking Mama’s Suburban because I got the keys. – Five hours, damn, man. (light beeping) (phone ringing) Is Lanise? – [Man] Is that you (mumbles). (light clicking) – Damn, old wino. (rhythmic drumming music) (intense rhythmic music) (light sobbing) What the fuck, damn. (man yelling) (intense rhythmic music) – Hey, hey, Z, I didn’t even
know nothing about this. – Man, what the hell
ya’ll doing up in here? – I didn’t even see, I didn’t
even know about this man. – Man give me the baby, man. – Here, Shepard told us
to meet over here for the, you know, the smoking drinking. – Man, Shepard ain’t here and Shepard ain’t gonna be here. – See I told you we came too early. Something stinks. – It’s the bathroom. And there ain’t gonna
be no drinking, smoking shit here tonight, I got plans, so ya’ll gots to go. – Plans, you got plans, by plans you mean going and harpooning
Moby Dick big ass sister around the corner, you ain’t slick, nigga. – See dog, I know we used to
be clowning her growing up, but since I’ve been talking
to her, man she is funny, sexy, and that freak is ready
to have that ass tizapped. – Better hope Sergeant
Payne is drunk and asleep. – I ain’t worried about him. – Hey, you got any condoms? – First three pack. – All right, let’s make a deal, you give me a skin and
I’ll take care of the baby, you can go body slam Oprah fat ass. After that, you come back,
I take old girl around the corner in the car,
wax that bumper, baby. – No, but look, because I need
to use all three of these. But they got some saran
wrap in the kitchen if you wanna use that. – Oh, okay, all right. – I want you to safe because I’m your boy. – Yeah, yeah, cool, do your thing. (light rhythmic music) Luscious. (intense rhythmic music) – Yo Z, hey, I dropped that
plate you gave me, man. Can I get another one? – Does it look like I got a
microwave stuck to my ass? – Oh, my fault. Yo Z. – You trying to get me killed? – I was just wondering,
man, hey, why don’t you just give a nigga the keys, I’ll
go over and make my own plate. – Look, L is over there,
go to the back door, he’ll get you one. Now get out of here and
stop playing with (mumbles)! (rhythmic intense music) – Hey Z, hey, one more thing, is it true that you gave the
young lady crabs on television? – What? (man yelling) (man grunting) – God don’t like ugly. (intense rhythmic music) (dog barking loudly) – Better do a date check. Under arms, cool. Breath, it’s all right. Condoms, condoms, condoms, condoms. Man, damn it. L! L, yo L, man. (loud knocking) – Hold on, hold on. Why you so loud man? – I see you found some condoms. – You smell like shit. – Man, that’s your nasty ass, you smell like (mumbles) up in here. (man laughing) Feet, ass, and sweaty titties. Man, give me the condom. – Watch it, watch it, fool. – Man, that’s all they got left? – Man, the first one broke. You know me man, hey, and I
still got the second one on man, unless you want that– – Put that shit away, man. Look, if Cripple Junior
thirsty ass come over here begging, don’t let him in. – All right, I got you. – Damn. – Do your thing. Yeah, yeah, baby. (people laughing) (light ticking) (rhythmic intriguing music) (man grunting) – Damn, not again. – I hate you, you never
let me go anywhere! (simple rhythmic music) Hey, hey you. You understand me, don’t you? You understand me, Curtis. You understand me, don’t you, 50? Don’t you, Mr. Jackson? Yes you do, yes you do. (woman laughing) 50! Grab my ass 50, grab it Curtis! (mumbles) Hi. (loud thump) Ow. Hi! I missed you. – I missed you, too. Hey, what’s up with your pops? I tried to call you earlier. – Oh, he’s tripping. It’s just it’s my last night
here before I go to my moms, and you know. – Before the trip in Michigan, I know. – Hey, did you hear back
from that agency in Europe? – Yeah, I got the fellowship. – Yeah? – Hey, let me come in. – Are you crazy? My father’s cleaning his guns! – Baby, I don’t care about him, I’m gonna do whatever I
gotta do to get beside you on our last night. And if I have to sacrifice
my life then I will. (light giggling) (loud knocking) – (Mumbles) come on, let me in now. Let’s talk about this. – Talk about what, you ruining my life? – Hey, the way you emailing
me all those sex scenarios, I was thinking that you could be Lil Kim, and I could stuff my shirt
with pillows and I be Biggie. (girl giggling) – Well okay, you can come in but be quiet. – Okay. – Okay. (light building music) – Damn you sloppy. – Shut up and kiss me! (loud knocking) – Honey, Brooksia, you okay? – I’m fine daddy, just leave me alone. Do you smell that? – Smell what? – See daddy, you knocked
down all these boxes! – Honey, I’m sorry, let
me help you pick it up. – No, no, why can’t I just
go out with my friends? – Look Brooksie, what did I tell you? Those boys don’t want nothing from you except what you got between your legs! Now they wouldn’t come over here when you was a fat ass (mumbles)! Or when you were crying
because them boys around the corner tied (mumbles)
around your neck. – Daddy! – Well they wasn’t! Now I done worked too hard and
paid too much for fat camps to have you mess up and
get yourself pregnant by one of these (mumbles) around Compton. I had to dropkick one
of those nigglets off the porch a few hours ago, trying to bring you some
tired ass freeway flowers. – Dad, just get out and leave me along. God, I’ll be glad when
I’m out of this hell. – Honey, just let me help. – You are ruining my life! Just get back to your
drinking and leave me alone! – Damn you crazy, crazy
like your crazy ass mama. Fine, you clean this mess up yourself! – I will. – Damn, it smell like
fast (mumbles) in here. (phone ringing) Hello. Baby, no baby, I ain’t
trying to avoid you. Look, it’s just Brooksie’s
last night home. I’ll try to come over there later. – Come here! (soft rhythmic music) – Look, I ain’t doing
nothing without a condom. Zion, you got a condom? – For shizzle, yeah, I got one. – Let me see it. Is that a grass stain? – Uh uh, it’s good. (strange rhythmic music) – Sanford, where do you have me? This place looks so raggedy. Just give me my water. Water Sanford, water. – Here you go, baby. – No, it’s purified at
night, spring during the day. Do I have to tell you this
stuff a million times? God, is it even the right temperature? Oh, you make me sick. (rhythmic easygoing music) (people screaming) – Greetings my brothers and sisters. – Welcome. – And welcome, welcome
to holistic relaxation. (mumbles) it is a new and
alternative way to lamaze. – The C and E method
is a new way to channel the minds energy away from pain and into a salacious bliss. – Show them what we mean. (fast drumming) Shake it, shake it, shake
it, my love, shake it! Oh, feel it! Stop, come back, we don’t wanna
get the young man pregnant. Come on. (loud groaning) More, more love! (light giggling) New exercise, get up, come on! – I am not doing it without
a condom, now turn around. – You said we gonna do in the jacuzzi, how the hell am I gonna put
a condom on in the jacuzzi? – Look, I wanna do it, I just
ain’t doing it without one. (loud screaming) – Damn L. Baby, I gotta go. Hey, why don’t you go with me? – Are you crazy? If my father finds out, he’ll take my car. It was supposed to be a
surprise from my granny, and if he catches me, it’s bye bye car, and I can forget about
going to the Bahamas this summer for senior trip. – Baby, your daddy ain’t gonna even know. Look, I promise, if you come with me, we’ll be back in a snap. Do you wanna spend some
time with me or what? – What if he knocks again? (rhythmic slow music) – Baby, your man’s got a plan. (intense drumming music) Come on baby, hurry up. – I’m coming. Wait, wait, how’s my hair? – It’s okay, you tryin’ to
get your daddy to shoot us? Come on. – Okay, all right. (rhythmic slow music) – L, oh man, I’m gonna kill that fool. Come on man, ya’ll
smoking around the baby! – [Man] Ain’t nobody smoking
shit, that’s hemp incense. – Come on man, damn. – Damn, Shamu, you a
damn fat camp miracle. – Hey yo, where’s Kennedy dog? – Man chill, I gave her to Cripple Junior. – Cripple Junior! – You gave a baby to a smoker! – Man, I told you not to let him in, damn! – Man, I ain’t let in nobody man, he came in the same time Shep did. – And? – And, man he was begging for money so I paid him to take
her to your aunt house. Ain’t no baby in the drinking and smoking! – Oh my god. – You’ve got to be kidding, right? – Hey, he probably all ready did man, just turn up the monitor and get his EPA. – There you go. – ETA, L. – [L] Whatever. – [Lanise’s Father] Honey,
Brooksie, are you okay? – Oh god, that’s my pops. – Brooksie, Brooksie
are you gonna sit there and be insubordinate? – My pops, daddy! – [Lanise’s Father]
Brooksie, I know you’re mad, just hear me out. – Daddy! – I changed my mind about tonight. Look baby, I just don’t want you to make the same bad decisions like your mama. – Why isn’t this thing working? Yes, daddy. – You can go out tonight
with that fast tail Maricar and Sandra, but just be
home in bed by 12:30. – Daddy, daddy! – Can you forgive me, Brooksie? (men giggling) Can you forgive me, baby? – What’s wrong with this thing? – [Lanise’s Father] Brooksie? – Daddy, daddy! – Look, I just gave your
ass what you’ve been whining for for the last five days, and you gonna sit there and
disrespect me with your silence? – Why can’t he hear me. – Oh shit, I think I
might have forgot to turn up the other monitor. – You wanna act like a brat,
I’ll treat you like one. – That’s my bad. – Now I’m going over to Marlene’s house, I’ll see you in the morning. (woman sobbing)
– That’s my bad, baby. – Oh yeah, I’ll be setting the alarm, so you try to leave your room
or sneak out of this house, girl, and the police
department gonna be paging me. – [Zion] It’s gonna be all right, baby. – Did you hear me, girl? Hard headed. – It’s gonna be all right, baby. (woman sobbing loudly) – Dead girl walking. – Baby, I’m gonna fix it. – Hey man, your uncle
will know what to do, man. – Hey, ain’t your uncle
go to that derog… Whatever man, he went
to that technical school to rob people, man. Tell him to go over there and get him. (slow r&b music) – Man, you trying to find the baby, check the monitor, see
where your uncle at. (light static) – [Woman] Around the world and back, huh? – [Man] Around the world! – Around the world? Sound like that fool at the smoke spot, tell him to get me a dub. – Smoke spot! – Shh! Damn man, we gotta go find him. Yo L, where’s Jana? – Man, she left after I tried to handcuff her ass to the toilet. – God, you did what? – Girl, I’m a freak. – Yo Shep, where your keys at? – [Shep] Man, Dante just dropped me off, we went to get some blunts. – Take the bike, fool. – Cripple Junior stole the seat. Come on baby, we gotta go. Ya’ll stay here just in case he come back. Damn! (rhythmic strange music) – Notice a smoke of the incense. Oh, it represents the freedom of pain, liberty, of motherhood! (mumbles) is here! – Chi! – Chi is here, my brothers and sisters! – I can feel it, can you feel it? – Hell na, look, can we just
hurry up, my feet are swelling. – Come brother, come. – My dear sister, you have
to learn how to let go and let your chi flow. – Come my brother, come! – What does this have
to do with breathing? – Everything. – Once you master the
mounting technique (mumbles). (man yelling) Then you will feel no more pain! – [Woman] Let it go, brother. – I feel it, baby. – You feel it, my brother. – [Sanford] I can feel it! (light rhythmic music) – [Woman] Oh, yeah. – [Man] Scratch him
baby, scratch of the cat. (people yelling) Oh yeah, right there (mumbles). Qui him mami, qui him! – Sanford! (people yelling) (light ticking) (men coughing) – You’ve gotta fix your boy
one of them drinks, man. – Anytime, man. – When we got to his aunts
house, no one was home. – Bingo night, it’s bingo night. – Well there goes the
drinking and smoking, huh? – All you care about is
the drinking, smoking. I could be losing my fellowship! – This bitch threw up all over me! (fun soft music) – Get out of there, the bathroom is broke! (woman laughing) Oh hell no! – [Lanise] What the hell happened? – Oh my goodness, Big
Dennis broke up with her for a freshman and she has
been drinking since noon. – Look, I don’t know
nothing about Big Dennis, but ya’ll gotta get the
fuck out of here, for real! You smell like bourbon, get off me! – Zion, chill the hell out. All we gotta do is clean up and we’ll be out your little (mumbles) house. Come on, girl. (man groaning) – I just put these streaks in. – I thought your father was tripping about you kicking it tonight, Lanise? (mumbles) – I was only supposed
to be here for a minute, now I’m stuck because we got locked out. – Oh, that’s why the alarm was on. – What about your car? – And he better be laying you good pipe if it’s worth risking your car. Did you give him some? – Well, not exactly. – And you must know (mumbles). – No. – Girl, you are tripping. Ain’t a dick in the world worth a BMW. – Hey Shepard, hey papa, shit. If you didn’t hear that– – Means L ain’t far behind. (woman yelling) – Shepard, can you excuse us for a minute? Sandra listen– – I’m out of here, Lanise. – No, look, I just need
ya’ll to stay here for just a minute, just until his sister
gets here, an hour tops. – An hour? I’m trying to get my thing on. – Girl, you doing a lot to stay a virgin. – Shh, not so loud. (rhythmic deep music) – Hey, hey, she mad? How she look? Has she got any knives
with her or anything? – It’s gonna take time
for that girl to get over the love of her life having
sex with her three cousins, and her stepmom. – I was wrong, huh? – Yeah, that was fucked up. – Man, I got bigger
problems than these broads. I can’t find Cripple Junior, Kennedy’s at bingo with my drunk ass aunt, and Charlotte and her white ass husband gonna be home any second. So hell no, them broads gotta go. – Now Z, we hate to use
extortion on you, pimpin’. But we seen you on that
Busted show last week. (men laughing) – You know what, I think we
just reached a negotiation spot. It’ll hurt your new love
to find out about all that. – Man, I’m not even worried
about hitting Lanise no more, she acting all stand offish like she on her period or something. – Hey look, I knew Shamu was
gonna be a waste of a condom. Women got coochie in two places anyway. Coochie down here, coochie up here. (men laughing) – And when Dante get here,
the party gonna start. – Man, shit on Dante. I got way bigger problems than that. – Yeah man, so live for today, because tomorrow you a dead man. And now if I know women, and
I do because I’m a pure bred pimp, the drinking and
smoking will only bring the freak out, Z. – That’s what’s so tight
about the drinking, smoking. It brings shit together. Look, before we know it,
you’re gonna be back in school, on the grind, losing touch. These are the times that’s
gonna bring us together on one accord, these are the
times that our feeble mind is gonna run to with wifey on our back about watching too much football. – And cleaning the gutters,
and going to ETA meetings with the kids and shit. – It’s our last horizon into manhood, it’s our exodus of freedom. I say we take full advantage. – And you poking Oprah ass, no way. So you might as well go
ahead and take, take, take one for the home team. (men laughing) – All I know is if I get busted, my parents ain’t paying
for my trip to Europe. – All I know is if you don’t find Kennedy, Charlotte gonna kill your ass, Rodney gonna dig you up, and
he gonna kill your ass again. – Yeah, sound like L in. What you gonna do? – She’s just scared that L will whoop that voodoo back on her. – No, actually I’m scared
that you’ll throw yourself on the first dick you see, just like every other time
we around some niggas. – God. Okay, Crystal, Crystal,
we don’t care that you’ve never been tardy. – Sit your drunk ass down. – You know what, first of
all, I’m not with Jennifer so that makes me bitch free. Secondly, I’m a bisexual
so if I wanna sit, squat, or spin, or (mumbles) on every
dick I happen to trip over, hey, that’s my prerogative, okay? – Whatever. Look, if that asshole is
here, I’ll wait in the car. – Oh yeah? Smelling like sour bologna, not in my ar. – Just chill. Look, please do this for me. For the first time, a guy likes me for me. (light giggling) You guys have had boyfriends, I haven’t. – That guy from the internet. – He was in jail. Look, I just don’t want
our first experience to be unschooled and clumsy. Look okay, all I have to do
is get through the night, then I’m off to the all
girls Catholic school. And with all the boy
school dorms next door, I’ll learn everything I need to know. Then I can come back and please my man. I thought you all were
supposed to be my girls. – Sounds like love. – If it is love, which
is odd, but whatever, girl, you don’t have to have
sex with him to show it. Let him love him for you and not for what’s between your legs. – Okay, I don’t know about
them, but you can count me in. – Look, Sandra. – Does Zion and them have a washer? – Yeah, they do. – You got wait ’til my clothes dry. – All right, thanks. Crystal sure is heavy,
thank God Shepard helped me drag her to your parents bedroom. – Yeah, she better not throw
up on my parents goose down. – I won’t let her, but you
do have to check on her every five minutes because she
will sleep walk in a second. Thanks for letting the girls
borrow your sisters clothes. – Who (mumbles), she won’t even miss them. Hope that Catholic school teaches you how to do some home economics. – I know how to keep my man pleased. – Yeah, he gonna be pleased, but his drawers ain’t
gonna be the right color. Put this on some quick wash so
we can get to the real deal. – Is that all that you think about? What about my car? – You gonna be back home before your dumb ass daddy even know. (exciting rhythmic music) – [People] Go Sandra,
go Sandra, go Sandra! (people cheering) – I’m skinny now, I’m skinny now. (light humming) – All right Larry,
survey says, we’ve got… What, man I’m missing some shit. Damn, this ain’t gonna get me but $10. It ain’t gonna get us nothing, Larry. (light rock music) Hey, that’s a 1976 280Z. (light beeping) A female owns that which
means it has sounds. Aha, we about to get paid! (exciting fun music) (loud slapping) (mumbles) – Turn off the damn light. (woman sobbing)
– Oh, Crystal. – Man forget ya’ll, you
smell like fast Willy anyway. I’m about to go drink my
drink by myself, solo. Hey, hey, somebody car getting jacked. (quiet alarm ringing) – Damn you’re right, what ya’ll gonna do? – Damn Mari, ain’t that your car? – Oh hell na, ain’t
nobody jacking me for my– – Wait, wait, come. Look, let’s all go out there, come on. – I ain’t going without Lanise. – Well I ain’t going without Zion. – Shit I ain’t going, ya’ll crazy. – Slow down, slow down, we
gonna go out there as a group, and scare them, come on. – Hey fool, what you doing? – What you think I’m doing? – Okay, thank you. Hey, anybody so crazy
they’ll talk back to you when they robbing your
shit is out they mind. (loud popping) – Yo get down, get down, get down! Hey, Cripple Junior in the back. Yo, ya’ll better get him to go out there. Shit, I’m out of here. – Really? – You ain’t gotta force me to love you. (exciting intense music) – Oh, shit. Fuck, Lanise can you
please call the police. – I’m trying, my cell, it’s not working. I’ll go inside, I’ll use the house phone. – Don’t look like you
gonna be bumping shit. (man laughing) – They didn’t have anymore sauce, baby. – I told you a thousand times, ranch makes me gassy, I
need Italian to balance it. You know, all I ask for
was a little sauce and a little respect, but no. And then all I ask for
was a simple lamaze class but you, you had to bring
me to the playboy mansion. – How many ways do I
have to say I’m sorry? I am sorry, I thought the class was legit. – A wrinkled old pervert taping us, a white woman dressed
like the grim reaper, and your naked ass taped
to a blow up sex doll. That’s legit, really? – Ow! – You are gonna pay for
this the rest of the night, trust me. You know, let’s just go to the movies, unless you found a way to
mishandle that responsibility. – Yes, baby. (light r&b music) – Are you sure you called the cops? – Yeah, they gonna be here, now pipe down. Hey, ya’ll know what I was wondering? – What’s that gumdrop? – Why the hell would
Lona from the Good Times sing the theme song to The Jefferson’s? – Hey, what do ya’ll
think ever happened to the first Lonnie, now that boy had talent. – Yeah, and why didn’t we
ever get to see Elizabeth? – I think it was because
Weezy, Weezy didn’t wanna sing with George because George
ass was gay in real life. I seen it on True Hollywood Stories. – I’m telling you, Shaggy
and Scooby were weed heads. – Hey man, why’d they have to kill James? – Nah, how do you figure
they were weed heads? – Listen to this, they had to kill James because James was the political
catalyst to the struggle. See what I’m saying? See, by killing James,
kill the damn struggle. – [Zion] Preach my brother. – What do Shaggy and
Scooby need all the time? Scooby snacks, that’s because
they had the munchies. – Well you know, they
were the ones that always saw the ghosts and everything, and always all paranoid and stuff. – I would have did my thing with Thelma. – Don’t you ever talk about
Thelma like that again! Her and D was the only
black virgins in the ghetto. It was ebony primadonnas,
you better watch your mouth. – Man, why the hell they kill (mumbles)? – Hey fool, what you doing? – I’m pouring out some
liquor for the dead homies. When you die, you want us
to pour out some liquor for you, right? – Hell na, don’t pull
out shit, drink mine. I gotta go rattle the snake. – More like flick the worm. (people laughing) – That was tight. Come on, let’s go, I’m
gonna take you somewhere. (lighthearted soft music) – Hey, in five minutes come get me. (soft sensual music) – I wanna tell you something inside. – What are you up to, Mr. Webb? – I just wanna tell you
something, so come on. – All right, but let me just tell Sandra something right quick. – [Zion] You all ready
talked to her, come on. (rhythmic hip hop music) – Somebody’s gonna hear us. – Baby, I won’t scream
if you don’t holler, I’m a silent lover. (people grunting) Damn, you strong, I kind
of like that though. (soft rhythmic music) – Wait, what if somebody walks in? – The door is locked. (soft rhythmic music) – Wait, what if they miss us outside? – Baby, you wanna do this or what? You got more excuses than a
nigga with fake food stamps. (woman yelling) What your drunk ass doing
with Charlotte diary? Get out of here. Damn, go lay your drunk ass down, we busy. (exciting hip hop music) – What’s up with you, lil’ mama? What’s popping? Come holla at a boss baby,
Skinny Dre, I’m a real one. Yeah, come on, slide over
here, slide in, slide out. Don’t make me get out the car. You know I ain’t from around here. Where my pistol at real quick? You know, holla at your
boy baby, it’s nothing. I mean, we can do it really big. They call me Skinny Dre. – Hey, hey, what the
fuck is the problem, cuz? – Is this your man right here? – Hey baby obviously ain’t
trying to fuck with you so why don’t you make like some
ass and shake up outta here? – Was I even talking to
you, you bitch ass nigga? – Hey, why don’t both
of ya’ll just chill out? – Why don’t you shut the fuck up, bitch. – Oh, hell no. – [Maricar] Hey what the
fuck man, what the fuck. – What the fuck? – Yeah, I got your what the fuck. – Hey, hey, back up, back up. – Hey, you ain’t no motherfucking thug. – Says who? Your sister don’t say that. – Size you up right quick,
what’s going on, homie? How you been, nigga? – Oh hell na, nigga,
man, give me my drink. – Where’s your car nigga? Why you ain’t help me, nigga? Almost had to smoke
everybody, Skinny Dre– – Hey that ain’t cool, nigga,
that ain’t cool at all. Get a nigga blood pressure up. Hey, why in the hell
Shep getting all in love? He ain’t do nothing but
some fake ass thuggin’, I almost got my ass shot up. – Stop hating, nigga, why you hatin’? – Hey, I told you I didn’t
have to force you to love me. – See that’s why I called
Skinny Dre in here. I told you, I can’t let Dante, nobody mess up this tradition. – You don’t think Dante’s coming back? – Fuck Dante, I know he with
Tammy Wilson country ass hitting it. – Not with her, all she
does is smoke your weed and leave you high and dry. – How do you know? – Believe me. – Hey, why you gotta be like that? – Don’t touch me, fool. – Come on, now. – Don’t go for that shit
man, you going for that? I wouldn’t go for that if
I was you, nigga, man up. – Hey, you don’t know her. – Man up, nigga, chin up. No, chin up, man up! Don’t be like that, man up! Ya’ll tripping. – Hey, you love me. – When did you become such a (mumbles), it’s kind of sexy. – I ain’t no thug, I’m
a scholar and a pimp. – Well it’s just good
to know that chivalry hasn’t been forgotten. – You women would get more chivalry if you weren’t gold diggers. – Hey, you remember that
language arts class we had? – When I used to write
you all those notes. Will you go with me, check a box. (woman laughing)
I was jocking. – I wonder what would’ve happened. – If what? If you had had said yes one
of them thousands of times? You’d be happy right now. (soft rhythmic music) (sirens ringing) – Zion, Zion, wait, wait! I think the police are outside. – So? – Go see, you know how
L is with the police. – L is a grown ass man. – Go see. I’ll be here when you get back. – Okay. – Go see. – Can you just answer
me one question please? How in the hell did you
expect us to go to the movies with no money? – Just wait a minute, I told you, I must have lost my wallet
at the lamaze class. – This lamaze class. Ooh, if you mention that
lamaze class one more time! Just do it so I can knock the (mumbles). – How about we go to the park,
I can rub your feet, baby? – You’re gonna have to
shape up if you wanna be in your child’s life. The park is fine. Ow. – You okay, baby. – It’s just another Braxton Hicks. Get away from me. (engine revving) Don’t tell me this busted
car’s dripping again! You know, if I gotta get
out and walk one more time, it is your ass. Go! – Sorry! (fun hip hop music) – You still drunk man? I ain’t even drunk no more. – Yeah, damn those cops, they
didn’t have to impound my car. – Girl, you had 17 parking tickets, and your damn registration
wasn’t valid since Harriet Truman led those
slaves out of freedom. – Girl, this is too much,
I’m gonna call my cousin, grab Crystal and leave,
because it’s the second time this week we’ve been
shot at, and it’s just– – No, no, come on! – Lanise, he is gonna find
out about your secret, girl. Learn how to handle your business! – Well, you know what, I
wonder what would happen if you and Shep’s little secret got out. – Look little girl, that happened one time and it was a mistake. Now no one needs to find out about that, it will only make things messy. – Okay. – I’ll stay, just keep your mouth shut. – Okay, hold up, I’m glad
I brought my handcuffs. – Damn. Me and L about to dip. The tradition is over, (mumbles). – Good, take them with you. – Wait, wait, Shepard, Sandra. – Hey, let’s all stay and
kick it, order up some pizzas, right, have a good time. – Just get off the phone, my aunt’s gonna call
from my neighbors house. – Zion, who the hell you got at the house? Who in the hell you got over there? – Hello? That was nobody, I was
watching Sports Center. – Whatever, where’s Kennedy? – She’s sound asleep. – Well did you make sure to change her? Did you remember to burp her? Did you remember to elevate her right arm so that she doesn’t get gas? – Pipe down, I got it
covered, she’s sound asleep and I’m halfway there. – Ow, shit. – What was that? – Oh, touchdown, that
Michael Vick boy is nice! – Zion, hold on a minute. – Charlotte, Charlotte. (high pitched eerie music) – Touch me again and I will kill you. – So everything’s cool? – Yeah. So you not coming home tonight? Okay, well I’ll watch
Kennedy until you come home from Sanford’s tomorrow. All right, later. Man, ya’ll trying to make
me lose my fellowship? Idiots! – Still going to the park? – No, my house. (exciting fun music) – Hey, I was wondering man, I’m having some problems
with one of my hos, man, and this 1975 backhand ain’t
keeping them in line no more. – You know what, it’s
2004, you gotta use that big pimping power ranger
slap on these females. – What’s the power ranger slap? – It’s the red, green, yellow, blue slap! – Hey, big pimpin’, chill baby, chill. Brother, look man, speaking of a man, I was wondering, that
honey brown girl, Honey D, can I hook up with her? – Hey, you out of control,
that’s top of the line tonight. – I’m a top of the line nigga, man. Now look, how much? – Come on, you gotta have top dollars. – I got it, I got five dollars. – No, tell you what,
five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30. – Oh, numbers are high,
those are lotto numbers, those are lotto numbers. Look man, come on, help me out, me and Larry’s been trying
to hook up with that broad for a long time. – Hold on, tell you
what, you take Honey B, I take Larry with the overbite. – Are you crazy? Larry been in my family for over 25 years. I’ve known Larry longer
than I’ve known you, you and this old purple hat, blue, fake gold chain… Are you crazy man, Larry
is never leaving me man! Me and Larry go down together, man. Big pimpin’, we ain’t partners no more. – We negotiating baby, come on back, I got a new deal for you, how about Tina? Cami? Come on baby, you’re doing it! Oh man, good lord. – I have an idea, what if
I fix everybody some food? It’s been a rough night, you know, maybe some food will
help sober everybody up. Are ya’ll cool with that. – Okay, hook it up. – Yeah okay, good. – Man, what the hell
you cooking, doughnuts? – It’s spaghetti, silly. – Oh shit, hey Z, check this out, bro. Man this 19 year old
Asian student from Berkley just hit the lotto Wednesday
for two million dollars. – Damn, that’s a lot of money. – Damn. – What would you do
with that much cash, yo? – Who, me? I’d take Maricar out and buy her some ass. (people laughing) Man, I don’t know, I’d buy my mama a crib. I’d probably buy ya’ll some
rides, play a little stocks. – Well the real question in
what would you do with the money is what would you do for the money? – Hmm mmm. – Let me check on my spaghetti. (soft serene music) ♪ In the morning time ♪ – You don’t know nothing about this. ♪ I just wanna make love ♪ – Sorry, (mumbles). – Oh yeah. It’s been a long time since
we kicked it like this, right Sandy? – You remember that? – Well I gave you that nickname. Well I’m just glad you
ain’t really leave tonight. – Is that right? – I mean, it’s the perfect
opportunity for me to apologize for all them lies I told you. – It would take longer than one night, L. Besides, it doesn’t even
matter, it was a long time ago. – It does matter, it really does matter because the truth is
that I ain’t ever stop having feelings for you. – L, it’s been a long
time since I talked to you without a knife in my hand,
so don’t make me regress. – I know, I know. That’s why it’s so hard
to get you off my mind. Baby, I know I’m not the perfect man, and everyday I’m trying
to do what I can to get these skeletons
off my mind so I can be the perfect man for you. The man you need me to be. You’re the only person to
ever love me unconditionally, you deserve that. You gotta let me make this right. – L, you know you’ll always have a special place in my heart, right? But if you don’t get your
hands from between my legs I will beat the living shit out of you. – Damn, why you had to do that, man? You ain’t supposed to do that. – Shut up. (people laughing)
(fun exciting music) – Wait, wait, wait, Lanise, you telling me for two mil cash, you ain’t gonna break your fathers nose? – No, that’s my father. – Shit, I would knock his
sergeant slaughter ass the fuck out, then I’d give
him head to ease the pain. – All right Shepard, would you let Zion stab you in the exit wound? (people laughing) – He can turn my brown eye blue, and I’d give him a reach around. But for five million, not for two. – Gross. All right Mari, let’s keep it real since you’re dishing it out. Would you give Shepard some
nana if you weren’t gay? – Yeah, just as soon
as you give Zion some, if you weren’t a virgin. – What! (lighthearted rhythmic music) – [Sandra] No more excuses
for how you are, L. – I’ve changed, I’m celibate. I’m telling you, I gave up all the sex and everything six months ago. – People don’t change,
especially that much. – Girl, I’m telling you I’m sex free. That maybe why I ain’t
been able to put the trees and the drink down,
but hell, I’m sex free. – Okay, like I said, people don’t change, they just stop doing jacked
up things for a while. – That don’t make no sense. – Oh, really? Well let me explain it
for the kindergartners, you’ve been up (mumbles), right? – [L] For shizzle. – But you still a freak, you just a freak that stopped having sex. – I ain’t no freak no more, Sandra. I’m trying to tell you that I’ve changed. – So if I got down to my
thong and shook it like a salt shaker, you’d turn me down? L? – Huh? – Damn. – Girl, you all right? – Hey, hey, she a grown ass
woman, you ain’t her mama. Sit it on down girl. What you need to be
thinking about is forgive L. Say it with me, forgive L, forgive L. – I’ve done that how many times, L? – Look Sandra, I understand
what you thought you went through when you
thought you was pregnant. – No you don’t know what I went through. I mean, all the lies, hiding
a pregnancy from my mother, having her find out, L,
by me having a miscarriage down the fucking hallway! Yeah L, a miscarriage, blood everywhere. So don’t sit up here and
tell me that you understand, because you don’t. (simple soft music) – So you’re quite well
rounded, you cook, clean, a good father. – Yeah, I was supposed to
have Special Jay this weekend, but the grandparents took her out of town. I miss her like crazy. – Special Jay, that’s a name and a half. – She’s the truth. – You giving men a good name. Most wouldn’t be a full
time student and a father. – Yeah well, I’ll be sure to
put you down as a reference when I meet Ms. Right. And I’ll do the same thing
for you if you need it first. (simple lighthearted music) – Well one thing is for sure, I won’t be marrying Mrs. Right. – Hmm? – Sandra, come on now, wait. – Do you know what it feels
like calling the father of your unborn child and
hearing that he’s on his way to becoming an international
homosexual porn star. – Look, you know I was
different back then, come on. – Do you know what it feels like hating the person that you
loved the most in this world? – So, I’m a little confused,
do you like men or women? – Both, I like both. I just haven’t found the right one, the one that touches the little girl me, or loves the woman I am. You know, makes me complete. – Complete, that’s what
Zion said about Lanise. – You probably always knew
what felt right to you, but I could never quite nail it down. I like women, but I love men. I just can’t trust them right now. – So, men just don’t feel right. – Exactly, I’m so mixed up. Sometimes I don’t want
anything from anybody. – See, that’s when that special somebody just comes right from under your nose, making every part of your
sensitized body tingle. Making you miss classes and shit. You know, that one person
that escorts you to that new level of ecstasy. (soft sensual music) – What do you know about
making a body tingle? – Nothing, I ain’t met Ms. Right. – Well you never know, she
might be right in front of you. – Hmm, you never know. (soft sensual music) – Now that wasn’t too bad, was it? – But you still love me? – Yes! But that’s the thing, you don’t know the first
thing about sacrifice, and that’s the beginning
and the end of love. I mean, have you ever opened
yourself to cultivate any emotion other than sexually
driven lust for a woman? (soft rhythmic music) I’m not perfect, or pure, but I’m real. And I try everyday to be
a better woman for someone who will love me for me, and not for what I can
just give up physically. – All right, but what I gotta do to
shake it like a salt shaker just one more time? – Ooh! – Damn. (low drumming music) – Oh yeah, Papi. (mumbles) Oh man, you just feel right. (low rhythmic music) – Mari! Mari! (loud explosion) – Huh? – The sauce. – Ooh yeah, the sauce. – Does it need something? – Yeah, yeah, it’s not spicy enough. – You know, I’ll be in the backyard, maybe I won’t run into anymore bullshit. – See, this is the crap I’m talking about, I told you to get gas, I told you! I’m not walking home again. – We are only two blocks from your house. – Why she tripping? – I don’t know. – Ya’ll got something
going on, or something? – Nope. – She hatin’? – Ooh, just say it, just
say it so I can slap your tongue right out your mouth. – I’ll handle it. – Don’t have me waiting all night! – Larry, look, it’s them? Pay day, brother. (slow rhythmic music) – Yo, yo, yo, you should
probably go check on your girl. – (Mumbles) she’s all right. – Damn, (mumbles). – I’m sorry. – Look, look, you should
probably go check on your girl before she tries to unicycle home. – Okay, okay, I’m going. – Damn, Lanise. – Darius, I didn’t know how to tell you. – But you knew everybody else knew but me. – Hey. Where Lanise at? – I’m right here, L.
– Lanise right there, dog. – I mean where’s Sandra at? – She back there. – So you a virgin? That’s fucked up, dog. – Hey homie, not now, not now. – Hey, your bathroom still broke? – Yeah, use my mama’s. – All right. – Look, why are you worried
about everyone else? – I wouldn’t be if… Look, look, just forget it. – Baby, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to turn out this way. – You had me playing myself
in front of my boys and shit. – You know I would not do that on purpose. I was just scared of losing you. I know that you’re used to
girls that have more experience. – It’s not even about the experience. It’s that, it’s that I loved you, and I wanted to show you. – You all ready did show me, with the emails and the
coffee mug that you tried to make me, it had a hole
in it but I still liked it. – Just be all in
embarrassing when your boys laughing at you behind
your back and stuff. Glad I ain’t make that bet with L. – What did you just say? – Girl, what are you doing? – Go back in the house,
Mari, I don’t need this BS. – What are you tripping off of? You’re more jealous than my ex. – I am tired of your shit. I’m tired of every time we
come around some niggas, you become some damsel in distress. – What are you talking about? – Tell me Mari, why is it
every time we come around some dick you act like you ain’t a rug muncher? – Hey, do not talk to me that way. – I’ll say whatever damn well I please. – You know what, just because
men are attracted to me, and not with your cynical,
angry with the world ass, don’t get jealous. It’s not my fault I’m a dime,
you can blame my parents. – Your mother ain’t out here hoeing. – What? – I cannot believe this. Of all the underhanded things to do, you bet your neanderthal
friends if you were gonna score with me or not! (man laughing) – Now I never would have done
no stupid shit like that. Wait, I guess I did do
some stupid shit like that. – Hey, I thought you was
about to use the bathroom. – Oh yeah, all right. – But baby, it wasn’t
like that, you know me. – No, I don’t know you. I don’t know if I can believe anything that comes out of your mouth anymore! – Come on baby, don’t talk
like that, you know me. (slow solemn music) You know it was fate that
chose us, not chance. You remember that time I
seen you at the airport after all that time? It was love at first sight. You know you mean the world to me, and I don’t want you to feel pressured, it’s just that we have only
this one night together, and I wanted it to be
special and unforgettable. Do you forgive me? – All right, I’ll let you
off the hook this one time. – It was only a dollar bet anyway. – I’m only worth a dollar! – ♪ hold me down, I’m a big pimp ♪ ♪ Hold me, hold me down. ♪ (toilet flushing) Aw hell no, man Z trying
to hold out on the drank. I’m gonna give Crystal some. Hey Crystal. – So, so what? You gonna (mumbles) with some niggas? – Hey, you need to check
your insecure self abusing having ass before it gets whooped. – Bitch, please. – Hey, hey, you know why men like me? Because I don’t care about
them, I just don’t give a fuck. So they want what they cannot have, but Sandy, you fall for
any fool with some lyrics. Okay, wolves smell fear. – You need to quit checking
me and check your damn self! Be a fucking parent
instead of a babysitter. – What!
(Intense fast music) (loud pounding)
– Bitch! – See bitch, every time
I start speaking truth, you start throwing darts. – Hey, what the hell is wrong with ya’ll. – Yeah, I fell off the wagon,
but I learned from that shit. I got my baby back, so now what? – Fuck you! – And you need to let
that shit go with, L. You need to let that
adoption stop hurting you! (fast rhythmic music) – Adoption? I thought you had a miscarriage. – Yeah, the first one she did, but she didn’t tell L
about the second one. She don’t even know where
the hell her kid is! – Bitch, I’m gonna kill you. Beat your ass. (intense fast music)
Come here bitch! (mumbles) (people screaming) (intense fast music) – You’re trippin’! You on some shit! (mumbles) – At least I know where my child is? – Calm down. Ya’ll supposed to be girls, ya’ll out here fighting
over old (mumbles) and shit. – Hey, hey, what the
hell going on back here? – Man, where the hell you been? – Getting my business. Where Zion at? Hey, Charlotte and the
white boy on they way home. – [Maricar] Shit. – She told Zion she wasn’t
coming home tonight. – Man, we need to tell him, so he can have time to pack. – Hey, hey, slow down youngster. Little Cripple Junior got a game plan. If you got $10. – I’m not done with you, I’m only doing this because
Lanise likes this boy. – Shh! Let’s go inside and clean
up, and grab Crystal and get out of here. – What the hell happened to your hair? – Nothing, it was windy out there. – Whatever. – What is going on? She’s what? Okay, god. – Hey Crystal? (woman yelling) Yeah, it’s Big Dennis, baby, want something to drink? (woman yelling) Oh hell no, what the fuck is that. (woman yelling) (man yelling) (man grunting) Oh hell nah, give me my drink back. Aw hell nah. (intriguing low music) – Hey, you got the rope? – Yeah. – All right, good. Here, put this on. Now look, (mumbles). – Man, this smell like
butt crack and piss. (lighthearted music) – I’m sorry that my maid was on holiday. Just pay attention, look, when he gets to one of
those trash cans we jump out and we run away, okay? – All right. – All right. (simple lighthearted music) (man yelling) – Break yourself, cuz. What (mumbles) you from, white boy? – I don’t think you boys
know who you’re messing with, Bob Marley. – You want that crooked smile blown off your face, white boy, huh, huh? Give us your wallet! – Hey, what we need that for? – Would you shut up! (man yelling) Watch yourself white boy, tie him up! – You heard the man, put your hands up. – I don’t think so. – You want some hot shit
plugged up your ass, huh? – I think this dumb motherfucker
too dumb to be scared. – Oh no, I think you’re the
ones that should be scared, since all you have is a
pocket full of fingers while I have in my back
pocket a pocket full of steel with the initials 357 Magnum on it. (men yelling) – He has a gun! – [Charlotte] What is
taking this fool so long? I bet his ass lost the $10 I gave him. Man, I gotta pee. It must have been the spring water. I could get home in about 10 minutes, but what if I get attacked. (eerie soft music) Who’s gonna want my wide
ass, and I gotta pee. Oh forget it, I’ll just walk. (loud rumbling) – Can you move your feet? – Hurry up, she’ll be here in a minute. So when I’m finished,
I’m gonna grab Crystal and we’re gonna eave, okay? – Okay. – Give me my drank back. (fast rhythmic music) Can’t eat that, can’t eat that. What the fuck? (woman groaning) Give me my shit back, woman. (woman coughing) Come on throw up, girl! – What the hell is going on in here? – Hey, it ain’t what it look like. – You’re a sex crazed freak (mumbles). – Hey Sandra, I didn’t do nothing. – What are ya’ll yelling about now? – Shamu, don’t you got
a show in the morning? Get your ass out of here! – Ask L the ripper here, he was the one caught with his pants down! – You know, if you were gonna get naked, you could’ve done some sit ups, you fake ass Shemar Moore. – Hold up, you could’ve
did about three, four, five more summers at fat camp,
now get your ass out of here! Where’s Shep at? (men yelling) (gun firing) – He was in there trying to
get Crystal to suck his dick. – She was sick, Sandra. – Wait, whose dick was L sucking? – Hold up, ya’ll got this shit wrong! I was trying to help her ass. – I knew your shady ass hadn’t changed. – Hold up, you know what? I don’t give a damn what
none of ya’ll hos believe. – [Women] Hos! – Chill out, chill out. Sound like Crystal choking. Somebody call 911. – If she dies, it’s on your head. – Ain’t nobody dying,
get her into the hallway. Hold on. Damn, you need to take it
easy on the upside down cake. (women screaming) Get her to the bathroom! (light beeping) – Hey get up here (mumbles). – Oh, hell na. (woman screaming)
– Get her in the bathroom. – Get her to the bathroom,
get her to the bathroom. Damn she heavy. (woman gagging)
(people screaming) – Hey guys! What the hell are you all doing? – (Mumbles) because the toilet’s broken. (fast energetic music) – I thought you was the jolly green giant. – Damn. Charlotte, I can explain. – No, just save that shit for mama, Zion. – Damn, man. – Boy, where is my baby? – You don’t look so good, are you okay? – And who the hell are you? – I’m Lanise Bell, from around the corner. – Damn, it’s just a cramp. – Charlotte, I swear I got
a good story this time. – You save your hoochi
story for mama, all right? Just where’s my baby? – Are you sure you’re not in labor? – I think I would know if
I was in labor Ms. Thing. Now where is Kennedy? Boy, where is my baby? – Hey, hey, hey, (mumbles)
don’t worry about her. I put her over there at Nelly’s. – You brought her? Boy, you give my baby to a crackhead? – Hey, I’m a shooter, not a smoker. I’m offended see, I’m
offended by that comment. (woman screaming) – She doesn’t look so good. – You know what, I think my water broke. – Are you sure? It smells like pee. – [Lanise] I’ll call 911 again. – I don’t think I’m gonna make it. Where’s Sanford, where’s Sanford? – Okay, put her on the couch. – What’s going on over here? – I need to push. – [Everybody] No! – But I gotta push. – Hey, get some boiling water. – Boy, that’s only in the movies. – I can’t watch this, I can’t watch. (mumbles) – I am, I’m gonna keep these drawers. – Oh my god, oh my god. – Oh my god, oh whoa, Jesus! – I gotta push, I gotta push. – No, no! – Hey, hey, give me some alcohol, quick! – [Sandra] Some rubbing alcohol for her? – No, some gin and juice for me! (people screaming) Breathe, one, two, three! (loud rumbling) Oh god girl, you stink! Man, what did you eat? Larry, ah, you killed my bear! – It smell like (mumbles). – Whatever, she ain’t died. (fast energetic music) – Ah, hell nah. You smell like you just ate a
bowl of shit flakes, back up. – Hey, is your aunt home yet? – Nah. – Zion, can you explain
to me how in the hell you gave my baby to our
crackhead ass uncle? You know what, don’t even say anything because when mama finds out, you can kiss your Europe trip bye bye. And who in the hell was talking to you? You know Ms. Thang, I
don’t think that Mr. Bell’s gonna think too kindly of his daughter around the corner smoking and drinking. – It wasn’t his fault. – Whatever. – We weren’t smoking. – Embellishment, it’s a
privilege that only I have, it makes for more drama. Wait a minute, is this my shit? Boy, you got these tramps in my clothes. – I don’t know what I
would do about Rodney, he would kill me if he knew
I was carrying Tyrese baby. – [Women] What? – You mean Tyrete, Rodney’s
cousin locked in jail for double homicide? – I feel bad about lying to Sanford, but what does he know, he’s just a stupid, dorky white boy. (people laughing) – Where did you get that? – That is your diary, and
let me finish reading it. – You wouldn’t. – Try me. – Believe me, you don’t
wanna mess with me. (squeaking) Kennedy, give me the baby. – Thank you. – Shepard. – Ooh you, you got problems. – God. – Eight, nine, 10, and 10 makes 20. – Yeah, well you just better
be a man about your word and keep your mouth shut. – How your scandalous ass gonna talk to me about some ethics? (low rhythmic music) Oh yeah, by the way, I’ll be sending the
cigars to cell block B. (man laughing)
Tell your mama I said hi. (intense rhythmic music) (man laughing) – Thanks for financing the excavation! – Well you don’t be home too late! – You know what, during all the commotion I had forgot to give you something. Biyotch! (woman grunting) – You know, you don’t have
to help me out like this. – I’m helping my boy and myself, because when you come home next summer, I’ll be driving that ride. – Oh, you think so. – Yeah, thank you. – Hey, thanks for saving me
from getting my ass kicked. – Sandra’s pretty rough. I hope her and L can smooth
out some of that stuff. – Her carrying that
secret was heavy on her, that’s because she got rid of the burden. – There at Zion’s talking,
so that’s a good sign. Chris is a good mediator. You know, L having that baby, it just might help him
mature a little bit. – I doubt it. – [Zion] So he was shooting at ya’ll? – Man was they shooting. Man, I was running faster than
Ben Johnson on steroids, boy. – You supposed to have my back. Hey, you made a lot of money tonight, huh? – I hustled baby, I hustled. And let me tell you, it’s
all going to good use, dog. – See, now you need to save that money instead of shooting up. – Motherfucker, is you crazy? Tonight’s my birthday,
man, I wanna enjoy it, and enjoy it well. – I forgot it was your birthday. Well in that case, do what you want, but I just wanted to tell you thanks for helping us out tonight. – You know, I love you,
you’re my favorite nephew. – I’m your only nephew, and
I told you put that doll up. – Hey you, baby I just
wanted to tell you thank you for understanding, you
know, about my condition. – It’s okay baby, being
a virgin is a good thing. – Yeah? – And I don’t want you to feel pressured, but I do want you to know I
got real feelings for you. – Well whatever happens tonight, just know that I’ll miss you
and I’ll write you every day. – I know. Let’s go. (low dramatic music) – My car is history! – I told ya’ll he was home. – Ah, let’s just hope the old geezer is up to his nightly ritual. You know, hitting the bottle. – Hey, we should’ve brought more people. – Hey dumbass, no, more
people’s full of shit. Look, let’s just stick to the game plan and we gonna be fine, all right? (rhythmic low music) (intense rhythmic music) – This is it. – Yeah, yeah, we know that. Look, here’s the deal, you
wait here for the signal (mumbles), okay? Now one light to stop, three lights to go, and we meet back here, all right? – Yeah, one to stop, three to go. – Yeah. – Now you sure you know what you’re doing? – What, I break into
shit for a living, girl. I can steal sugar from piece of candy without opening up the wrapper. (mumbles) – Hey, be careful, come back to me safe. – [Cripple Junior] Your
boy ain’t going to war. – Somebody bumping. Did you get a signal yet? – Yeah, she’s in position
but she says stay. – Do you know what to do? – You go and knock and
you get him to chase you. – Right, and you sneak in the back, unlock the door so Zion
can sneak back out. – Yeah, I know, I know. Hey, you know we got unfinished
business, right Papi? – You think you’re ready for that? – Yeah, I’m a big girl. I’ve been on my own for three years now. I know what I need. – Well, once you in, you in. Think you ready to trust me? – I’m not ready to trust men, but I’m ready to trust you. (soft exciting music) (man grunting) – Hey, you need some help with that? – Help with what? – Help with doing
absolutely fucking nothing. Help me with this. – Oh. (man grunting) (exciting fun music) – Now look, this will help us
get over the fence, all right. Now we wait for team
one to do their thing, and then we tell Lanise to
wait for the signal, okay. – Yo, Lanise, Lanise? – Hey, big dummy, are you
trying to get us busted? Damn, use these and get her attention. Hey, and be careful. – Lord, I know I don’t go
to church too often, but I– (light thump) Ow! (intense rhythmic music) – Somebody’s having a fiesta. Hey, it’s showtime, Papi, come on. – Shep, hey Shep! – We almost there baby, we almost there. – Baby, baby. – What the hell are you doing here? – Shepard’s making his move. – It ain’t time yet. Hurry up Junior! – Hey man, it takes time to
be a good criminal, damn. You little bougie broad. Why she ain’t tell me the gate was opened? – Come on. – Damn. (low rhythmic music)
(crickets chirping) (light knocking) – What the hell you doing here, nigglet? – Uh. (man yelling) – What the hell you doing here, nigglet? – What happened? (man sobbing) – You don’t wanna go over there. – You know what, watch out, let me show you how the pros do it. (woman screaming) Ow. – Now there ain’t no ho
cakes sold around here, ho. Your crazy ass friends are… Boy, I told you if I
caught you around here I’d kick your ass. (man yelling)
(fast intense music) – Come on, Lanise. – Shut up. Brooksie, get your ass back in here, I’ll deal with you next. You can kiss that car goodbye. You try to rape my daughter, boy? – Uh uh. – So you do wanna make some love tonight? – Oh my god. – Damn… Whoa, way to go. – Wait a minute, who the hell was that? – Daddy! – (Mumbles) you bastard! – Ain’t nothing gonna keep me from going around the world! (glass shattering) – Where’s my gun? – Daddy, no! (fast intense music) (loud rumbling) – About time you got your behind up. – Damn, I thought I was dreaming. – Well it wasn’t, move boy. (birds chirping) – Hey, I wanted to tell ya’ll, that was good looking on
cleaning up the house. – Not a problem, you know
we got your back, boy. – Hey, where’s Maricar? – Oh, her cousins came
and got her last night, her daughter wasn’t feeling good. – So how ya’ll gonna get home? – You, Charlotte left
the keys to the Suburban. – You and Maricar, ya’ll
gonna be okay, huh? – Oh, yeah, that’s my girl, we fight like that once
a week, every month. We’ll be cool. – Where the cups at, dog? – Ain’t no more cups, man. You know I drink like a tired ass horse. – Well you gonna come help me
clean up dishes later, huh? – Sure, holla at me. You know after that crazy
ass party last night, you could use a little Jesus in your life. (man laughing) – Ya’ll look like proud parents. – Ha ha, joke. (woman laughing) – Shep, dog. – Another wild one, man. – Another wild one. – One for the books, tradition. – Working on five. – Yeah, I’m gonna go pick up special. Hey, is that Dante? – That sure is Dante. (rhythmic hip hop music) – Hey come on (mumbles). – Hey, don’t hurt him Shep. – [Shep] Hey, boy. – What up, Dante! I’ll catch ya’ll later, all right? – Whoa! (intense rhythmic music) – I knew ya’ll was gonna forget some… (soft slow music) Hey! What’s up, girl? I thought you (mumbles),
what’s up with your, pops? – Well, my granny dropped
my car off this morning, and Marlene took my dad to the hospital. – But aren’t you gonna be late? And what about your pops, he ain’t gonna– – Hey. – Come around here,
popping up or nothing, huh? – I have four hours
before I have to leave. Do you really wanna spend
it talking about my father? – No, I wanna spend all
four of them hours with you. – All right. – That’s what I wanna
do, so let’s go inside. Piggy back? – Okay. – Jump on. That’s some nice wheels you got. You’re gonna have to
let your boy use that. – No way. – I be needing a ride
sometimes, know what I’m saying. And we gotta go cruise in the sun. Man, where Cripple Junior at? He better come back. – ♪ Happy birthday, baby. ♪ ♪ It’s gonna be good to me ♪ ♪ Happy, happy birthday, baby ♪ ♪ It’s gonna be good to me ♪ (loud knocking) – Give me a second. What do you want Junior? I told you there’s no
freebies around here. – Freebies, girl, you crazy. I got money, I got money, and I want the birthday boy special and everything that comes with it. – Around the world and back, huh? – Around the world, around the world. – Hold up fool, you’re short 20. – I can’t be short 20, I’ve
been hustling all night. What the… Larry, I oughta bust… Bear be tripping, I don’t
know what’s up with him, trying to mess up my birthday. Here you go, girl! – I hope you brought a condom, come on. – Larry, we got a condom? I left the condoms! Damn! (exciting R&B music) (soft sensual music) ♪ If I didn’t have you, girl ♪ ♪ I would just roll in the hood at night ♪ ♪ If I did not have you ♪ (energetic rhythmic music) – But you knew everybody else knew but me. – Hey, where Lanise at? – She back there, dog. – She right there.
– I’m right here. (people laughing) I’m not doing anything without a condom! Zion, Zion, you got a condom? – Yeah. – Let me see. – (Mumbles) didn’t give it to me. (people laughing) – Hey, somebody car getting jacked. – Damn, you’re right, what ya’ll wanna do? – Damn Mari, ain’t that your car. – Oh hell naw, ain’t
nobody jacking my sounds. – Wait, wait, wait. Hey look, let’s all go out there, come on. – Let go of me. – I ain’t going out there without… – [Maricar] Damn those cops, they didn’t have to impound my car. – Girl you had 17 parking tickets, and your registration wasn’t valid since Al Sharpton had an afro. Since Harriet Tubman had slaves. Free slaves, she did
something with the slaves. Take it back one more time. (people laughing) – Come on baby, don’t talk
like that, you know me. Look, it was fate that
determined us, not chance. You know that time I
saw you at the airport after all that time? It was love at first sight. You know you mean the world to me, and you know you mean the world to me, and I forgot the next line. (people laughing) – It wasn’t valid since
Harriet Truman, I mean Tubman, led them slaves, freed them, you know what I’m talking about. (people laughing) – I mean, I’m not perfect, or pure, but I’m real. And I try everyday to be
a better woman for someone who will love me for me, and not for what I can
just give them physically. (light rhythmic music) – But what I gotta do to get
you to just shake it like a shalt, shalt… (woman laughing) – What does his have to do with breathing? – Everything. (people moaning) – Slap it baby! – What, what, what! (man yelling) – [Man] We cut. – It was fate that
determined us, not chance. It was fate that determined us, and… (people laughing) I messed up again. – You’re killing me, you’re killing me!

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  1. As she walked away he asked her multiple questions. Last3 one being how are the crabs๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚. Lost me in the beginning wth the nuccka in the tghtie whities and t.p. in his hand

  2. I'm 12 mins in and I already can say that this is the stupidest shit that I have ever seen in my life. And BTW what's up with the forehead on that black bitch…

  3. Oyeah looking for a woman who keep real and she wouldn't have to forced me to love her………. gggggggrrr

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