Top 9 Unintentionally Scary Kids Movies Ever! (The Dan Cave w/ Dan Casey)

Top 9 Unintentionally Scary Kids Movies Ever! (The Dan Cave w/ Dan Casey)


(rhythmic rock music) September has nearly come to an end. So if you’ve been in massive month-long coma, or if you live your life according to Green Day lyrics, it’s time to wake up and accept the fact that we’re in for a month of spooky stuff. Now, I’m not much of a horror guy. I’m easily terrified, and I’m what medical doctors refer to as a quote “massive coward,” especially when it comes to scary movies. But despite my best efforts, Hollywood always manages to pull a fast one on me every now and then, especially when I was a kid. So today on The Dan Cave, we’re gonna revisit a classic topic, the most unintentionally terrifying kids movies ever made. Dumbo. As a child, I used to love Dumbo. It’s Disney’s 1941 classic about a big-eared flying elephant who works at the circus. But sweet buttery Moses is it terrifying! I mean, you’d think that teasing a baby elephant about his birth defect, having a murder of racist crows, and locking up Dumbo’s mom after she attacks a child at the circus would be traumatizing enough, but no, they had to push the envelope a little bit further. They got a poor baby elephant drunk off his gourd, which apparently induces hallucinations that are more Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas than anything you’d ever expect from Disney. Because honestly, what’s more heartwarming than torturing and drugging children? Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The 1968 British musical fantasy stars Dick Van Dyke as a precocious inventor who transforms a rusted-out junk heap of a race car into a magical vehicle on which he and his family take far-flung trips and go on wild adventures. Except on one such adventure, they encounter the henchman of an evil baron who wants their car, the aptly named Child Catcher, a man sent to kidnap Dick Van Dyke’s kids and presumably murder them. Why do I say that? Is it because he lives under a castle? Is it because he’s always trying to lure them away with candy? No, maybe it’s because he mentions he can smell their blood. You know who says that? (beep)ing serial killers, that’s who. People that call themselves the Child Catcher. Oh my God. The NeverEnding Story. Ah, The NeverEnding Story. Is there any surprise that a German-made children’s movie features scenes of a horse drowning in a murky bog called the Swamp of Sadness? Or, or a scene of a knight getting burnt alive after passing in front of a sphinx? Or wait, how ’bout just a villainous force that’s essentially the embodiment of the abyss and the existential terror of being one step closer to death? The answer is no, of course not. There’s no surprise. We’re all gonna die someday, and thanks, Germany, for that chilling reminder. Jeez. All Dogs Go to Heaven. I mean, that’s gotta be true, right? You can’t put something in the title that’s not true, right? Well, I mean, you’d think so, but Don Bluth, in classic Don Bluth fashion, included a nightmare sequence in his animated classic of our hero, the resurrected casino-owning, Burt Reynolds-voiced pooch Charlie, going to hell, where he’s trapped on a sinking boat on a lake of freaking lava, tortured by demons. Nothing traumatizing about that, right? So what if he, spoiler alert, eventually goes to heaven. It’s too late. We’ve seen the lake of fire, Don, and it’s full of puppies. The Secret of NIMH. Now guys, The Secret of NIMH is animated classic, and one of the most beloved films of my childhood. It starts with a mouse named Mrs. Brisby trying to move her children to safety when a farmer’s plow threatens to destroy their home. But it then becomes a journey into the heart of darkness as Mrs. Brisby discovers a terrible secret involving animal testing, has to prevent some sort of rat genocide, and winds up in the midst of a murder most foul complete with stabbings, like this, just like rats and mice just murdering each other left, right, and center. Oh, and did I mention she also sees her children nearly drowned alive in mud? In other words, Don Bluth, again, why? Why do you want us to cry, Don? What, who hurt you? Did I hurt you? If so, I’m sorry. Watership Down. But Dan, you might be saying, what could be scary in a movie about buh-buh-buh-bunnies? Well, let me tell you, because in the case of Watership Down, nearly everything. Because this story about a tribe of rabbits dealing with the destruction of their warren and the search for a new home is basically an hour and a half of rabbits brutally murdering each other, with a dog murdering rabbits thrown in for good measure. You know, that old chestnut. That old, hey kids, d’you like cute, cuddly animals? Well, here’s a horrifying dose of reality chestnut. Hah my God, they’re remaking it, though. Jon Boyega’s involved. Oh ho ho ho ho God, next generation of kids are (beep)ed. The Witches. Anjelica Huston as a murderous witch in an adaptation of a Roald Dahl book produced by Jim Henson sounds like it’s something straight out of Rachel Heine’s vision board. But for a generation of kids, The Witches wasn’t just a movie, it was absolutely terrifying because her m.o. was to turn all the kids in England into mice and then stomp them to death. Just curb-stomping children mice. What, are you kidding me? God, (beep) it, don’t even get me started on the scene where Anjelica Huston and a hotel ballroom full of other witches, remove their wigs and rip off their faces, because that haunts me to this day. I still won’t exfoliate, and neither should you. The Last Unicorn. Much like Don Bluth’s animated work, the films of Rankin and Bass didn’t pull their punches when it came to family fare. Case in point, The Last Unicorn, an animated fantasy about a talking unicorn who learns she’s the last of her kind. Sounds fun, right? But terror lurks beneath the surface, and when our horned hero escapes from Mommy Fortuna’s circus jail, in which she’d been imprisoned, all hell breaks loose. Because the unicorn also decides to free a wretched harpy, which looks like a vulture with rabies and a medically inadvisable amount of boobs. The harpy, of course, immediately attacks the unicorn, but even scarier than that is when the harpy proceeds to tear Mommy Fortuna limb from limb, glowing red in some sort of deeply distressing blood frenzy. Look, I’m not a bird doctor, but here’s what you never do: free harpies from jail. The Peanut Butter Solution. A child loses his luscious locks, and a series of hair-raising escapades ensue. That’s the basic plot of The Peanut Butter Solution, except it’s really a movie about a kid who gets his hair scared off by the ghost of a homeless woman who died in a fire in an abandoned mansion. Cool, right? Anyway, these same ghosts visit the kid in his sleep and tell him to rub some horrifying peanut butter mixture on his scalp, which in turns causes unstoppable mutant hair growth. And yes, don’t worry. One person puts it on his pubes, and everything starts looking a lot like Cousin It, especially that. To make matters worse, the movie also finds the kid and his pube-padding pal kidnapped and forced into hair slavery, where their hair is harvested to make paintbrushes. Paintbrushes! But yeah, sure, whatever. Fun for the whole family. (beep) you, man. (beep) you. And that, my friends, are a handful of the most unintentionally scary movies for kids ever made. But tell me, what are your favorites? What would you add to this list? Let me know in the comments below, and give me a surprisingly scary thumbs up while you’re there. Ah! Be sure to like and subscribe, or else you might miss next week’s episode, when we talk about the story of two scheming brothers who team up with a CIA agent to stop a renegade rodent aboard a stealth Soviet sub in The Mousehunt for Red October. Until next time, keep on digging. And last but not least, a very special thanks to Dolby Atmos for sponsoring today’s show. Now let me ask you something. Have you grabbed a copy of Warcraft on Blu-ray and 4K Ultra HD yet? You probably should, because it’s in Dolby Atmos with moving audio, which means that if you have a premium sound setup at home, you can experience the action epic with insane deep 3D sound that just might convince your brain that the hoard is invading your living room. And I don’t know about you, that’s pretty much all I could ever hope for, because I’m Alliance, and I love to PVP. Anyway, if you’re like me, you’ll wanna grab that Warcraft Blu-Ray ASAP, available right now at Dolby Atmos moving audio. (electronic jingle)

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  1. These movies must have been more traumatizing to me that I thought. I seem to have blocked almost all memories of these movies from my mind other than knowing I have watched them.

  2. To this day, I still get legitimately frightened when I hear Pink Elephants on Parade. That shit fucked me up :'(! I screamed and clawed my friend's arm when we were at Disneyland watching Fantasmic and then SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS, HERE'S SOME NIGHTMARE FUEL IN THE FORM OF ALCOHOLIC HALLUCINATIONS!!

  3. What, no mention of the original "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"? Everything is fun until they get on that paddle boat.

  4. I would add 5 movies to this list, 1982 animated film 'The Flight of The Dragons' 1989 movie 'Little Monsters', 1982 movie 'Dark Crystal, 1988 movie 'Beetlejuice and 1986 movie 'Flight of The Navigator'

  5. there's a movie that the drug awareness group DARE made us watch about an overdosing bunny in 4th and 5th grade. starts out fine then shit get real lol

  6. great list. pretty much seen them all. would have added dark crystal and many might say the Wizard of Oz as an old school pick. my sister hated the monkeys haha

  7. The horse from Never Ending Story fucked me up. Looking back on it now it's even worse. The horse looks like it's genuinely in a lot of distress! Also did they get it out after? Or did they drown a horse to make this movie?! Someone please tell me the horse survived.

  8. How could you forget Disney's 'Return to Oz'? Dorothy returns to the magical land of Oz to find that her friends are all gone, save the scarecrow, the yellow brick road has been destroyed, and Oz is ruled by an evil queen with a terrifying collection of interchangeable heads. And of course, she wants to add Dorothy's head to the collection. Nightmare fuel, my friends.

  9. Oh, shit! Thanks, Dan, for reminding me of The Witches. I think I may have repressed that particular movie from my childhood memories.

  10. Saying Watership Down is a kids movie is like saying Fritz the Cat is a kids movie. I'm not sure if you're just really stupid or just trolling people.

  11. I gotta say I agree with most of this list, but to say Watership Down is unintentionally scary is to miss the point of the work. I would say it is more accurately described as "unexpectedly scary," given the medium at the time and its subjects.

  12. I would've added The Land Before Time, mother dying in a sharptooth attack, and the first Fantasia, that dinosaur sequence is scary when you're a kid and don't get me started on hippos in tutus 😛

    Oh and don't ever google what happened to the nice little girl who voiced Ducky and Anne-Marie in Land Before Time and All dogs go to heaven respectively. That's some real life horror there.

  13. the worst part of the last unicorn is the music… although to be fair similar music was used in many cartoon movies from the 80s

  14. when the kids turned into donkeys in Pinocchio scare the shit out of me… and when willy wonka unleashed his rage towards the end of Charley and the chocolate factory.

  15. There is a 1985 claymation called "The Adventures of Mark Twain" that was creepy as fuck!!! I watched it when I was 7 and it was nightmare fuel.

  16. I always found, films that challenged me more emotionally as a child had more impact and stayed with me longer, in a good way.

  17. What about "The Animals of Farthing Wood"? I watched a dubbed version of it here in Brazil back in 96 and this was so freaking sad!! Lots of animals running away and getting killed. Mice are killed by hunting birds, a mole gets run over when crossing a road… the feels man… the feels.

  18. What about when the unicorn decides to join her brothers and sisters in the ocean?? self downing herself in the ocean?? wtf movie? The song "I'm alive" had a whole new meaning by the end, because guess what? she dead movie! ty for traumatizing me!

  19. The bad guy from Anastasia, Rasputin. He sells his soul to the devil dude!! And the part when he's on I guess hell, waiting to resurrect or whatever, scary as fuck

  20. Never ending story had that scary wolf, that was scary for me when I was 5. All the rest that was mentioned in this video wasn't so bad…
    The Dark Crystal had some scary villains for me too.

  21. Kid's entertainment is messed up. I reread the tale of despereaux as an adult and I cannot believe I was allowed to read it as a kid.

  22. Watership down is just such a beautiful film, regardless of the violence- it's score and animation and tone and voice acting is just… sublime. It shows reality, yes in a brutal fashion, but it all the more triamphant and gorgeous for it.

  23. Bit late, but what about Bambi? Early Disney didn't pull it's punches. Probably the next is only for Europeans, the original Magic Roundabout film with the blue cat in hall of masks. That one got me and I wasn't even a kid when I saw it.

  24. As many times as I went to see E.T.: The Extra-terrestrial when I was a kid, I always closed my eyes during the cornfield scene.

  25. omg I'm so glad you mentioned the peanut butter solution, I have literally described it to so many people and no one knows what I'm talking about

  26. Dumbo and Watership Down were not made for children. Dumbo was happily turned into a kids movie but Watership Down should never be shown to children. the Original novel is usually read in High School and thats about the age the film should be seen.

  27. How did they miss "Return to Oz"? Did they forget how it had (#1) Dorothy going in for electroshock treatment with other patients moaning off-screen, (#2) Wheelers, and (#3) Queen Mombi, with her removable heads? And remember when all the womens' heads start screaming at once? Fascinating nightmare fuel.

  28. If you thought 'Watership Down' was traumatising, watch out for 'The Plague Dogs'. You'll be needing a big hug (and possibly years of therapy) afterwards :'(

  29. I'm weird, I found them all awesome and not at all scary; though I did grow up watching Hellraiser as a bedtime story…… lol

  30. The biggest one for me was Pinocchio, the posters and trailers make it look like such a light hearted funny movie, but it's horrifying to children, I was traumatized as a 5 year old seeing it in the theater back in 1992, the Pleasure Island scene gave me nightmares especially because the Coachman is never punished for kidnapping hundreds of boys, transforming them into donkeys, and selling them into slavery, Lampwick's transformation was especially unsettling, and the Monstro chase scene is also very intense which resulted in Pinocchio's temporary death.

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