Trump’s Senate Impeachment Trial: Day Two | The Daily Show

Trump’s Senate Impeachment Trial: Day Two | The Daily Show


Today was the day that Democrats began to lay out their case
against the president. But, last night,
fights were already breaking out about whether this trial
should even be happening in the first place. Opening arguments
begin early this afternoon, and we’re expecting
a very fierce debate over why the president should and shouldn’t be removed
from office. Republicans want this all over by the State of the Union
address in two weeks. Democrats say, “Not so fast.” Why are we here? Are we here
because of a phone call? We are here, sir,
to follow the facts, apply the law, be guided by the Constitution and present the truth
to the American people. That is why we are here,
Mr. Sekulow. And if you don’t know, now you know. -Oh…!
-(cheering and applause) ♪ And if you don’t know,
now you know! ♪ That’s right. That’s right. Congressman Hakeem Jeffries
just quoted Biggie on the floor of Congress. The only thing,
the only thing I wish is that he’d used
the entire line. That would have been amazing.
He was like, “If you don’t know,
now you know, nigga!” Because if that happened, black people would have been
out celebrating in the streets. It would have been MLK Day
part two. All of a sudden, they’re like…
♪ You know very well ♪ ♪ Who you are! ♪ But I got to say, man,
hip-hop has come a long way. Think about it.
In the ’80s and ’90s, it was considered
gangster music, and now it’s being quoted
in an impeachment trial, huh? That’s how far hip-hop has come. -(cheering and applause)
-Think about that. That’s insane. Hip-hop just keeps going.
I bet it’s only a matter of time before, like,
Mitch McConnell responds with a rap lyric of his own. Just like… ♪ Mah, my name is
Mitch and I don’t have a jaw ♪ ♪ I love the Senate
and saying “mah.” ♪ Now, now, the reason
things got so heated yesterday is because Democrats tried
ten different times to get new witnesses
and evidence into this impeachment trial, and the Republicans shot them
down each and every time. There hasn’t been
that much rejection in D.C. since Stephen Miller
went speed dating. Now, one of the main witnesses
Democrats really hope will testify
is former Trump advisor and grumpy Cap’n Crunch
John Bolton. But when the president was asked
about it this morning, he had a list of reasons why he
doesn’t want Bolton to testify. The problem with John is that it’s
a national security problem. You know?
You can’t have somebody who’s at National Security. And, uh, if you think about it,
John, he knows some of my thoughts. He knows what I think
about leaders. What happens
if he reveals what I think about a certain leader
and it’s not very positive and then I have to deal
on behalf of the country? It’s gonna be very hard. It’s gonna make the job
very hard. Uh, he knows other things. And, uh, I don’t know
if we left on the best of terms. I would say probably not. You know, you know, one thing I enjoy about Trump
is that he will give you every excuse
all at the same time. Right? He’ll start
with the fake excuse, but then he’ll just keep going
until you learn the real reason. Just like, “Sadly,
we can’t hear from Bolton “because it’s
a national security threat. “And, also, he’ll reveal what I
think about other world leaders. “And, also, he hates my guts. And, also, he’ll implicate me
in the crimes that I committed.” (applause) “So many reasons.” (cheering) Because– let’s be real,
let’s be real– I don’t think it’s a big deal
if Bolton reveals what Trump thinks
of other world leaders. Because Trump
already tells everyone what he thinks of world leaders. He’ll even do it while they’re
standing right next to him. He’d be with Macron like,
“I just had “a very productive meeting
with this little French bitch over here.” So, Bolton may or may not appear
at Trump’s impeachment trial. But even if he does,
even if he appears, there’s a good chance
that the senators won’t hear what he’s saying at all. Because, based on yesterday, half of them
are already checked out. REPORTER: At least seven
senators were spotted Tuesday wearing Apple Watches.
That’s a no-no. Rand Paul played
a crossword puzzle. A big no-no. Shortly after 5:30 p.m., Senator James Risch,
the Republican of Idaho, could be seen motionless,
eyes closed and head slumping
against his right hand. Risch was the first lawmaker
seen by Washington Post reporters
to have clearly fallen asleep. It’s a bit
like a college lecture hall. Some of them
are busily taking notes. Some of them look bored out
of their minds. And if they’re thirsty, we’re
told that only two beverages are allowed on the Senate floor,
water and milk. Yeah. Some senators are playing
with their Apple Watches, others are solving crosswords and, worst of all, a senator
from Idaho fell asleep. Like asleep-asleep. ‘Cause you know you’ve
been sleeping for a long time when an artist has time
to sketch your portrait. That’s sleep. But I’ll be honest, I get why some of these senators
are struggling. They’re sitting there
for long hours, up to 12 hours, late into the night,
and they’re only allowed to drink milk or water
to stay energized? That’s a tough situation. I mean,
it was a tough situation, because, luckily,
there’s a new product out that could help them out. ANNOUNCER: When you’re stuck
on the Senate floor for 12 hours at a time,
you need a pick-me-up. But you’re only allowed
to drink milk. You have no options. -Until now.
-(lightning crashes) -Introducing Impeachmilk.
-(mooing) It’s the only milk fortified
with caffeine, amphetamines and just a little bit
of cocaine. -So you can get your impeach on
-(sighs) and fulfill your constitutional
duties to the max. -(bleep) yeah!
-Ready to impeach! With Impeachmilk,
you’ll have the energy to render judgment
all night long. So get some Impeachmilk and get jacked up on justice. Desi Lydic and Roy Wood, Jr.,
everybody.

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  1. I mean why bother with the Senate Trial? We all know where this Republicans controlled house stands- on a melting glacier in the north pole waiting for the final shoe to drop on this dying world.

  2. History…. It's a hell-of-a-thing, isn't it?
    Well, their conduct will reflect how unfair, unwilling and corrupt this party is today.
    They will have worked their whole lives to achieve many things… achieved them… then had their life's works go right down a Dotard drain, that he is most happy to own! He doesn't even care about his family. Just his self and more importantly, HIS APPEARANCE TO THE PEOPLE AS A WHOLE!
    Person by person… he'd have them put to death for negativity, and have them suck his shit for positivity!

  3. I really don’t get how impeachment can be politically biased.
    Senators should vote regarding the proofs and wether or not it respects the constitution ; this has nothing to do with political opinions…

  4. Ahh Trevor the anti American Democrat plant manipulating what actually took place for his rat kin folk. Good for you. Your followed by mindless sheep.

  5. I SEE BRAINWASHED PEOPLE HERE BELIEVING IN THIS WANNABE COMEDIAN… HELLO MY ZOMBIES FOLLOWERS BELIEVING THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA.

  6. does the impeachment milk delivers to malaysia?
    cause we're also kinda tired of the current opposition party,same as trump

  7. Watching a rigged trial, always reminds me on the movie" The Untouchables"! I wish the judge could say; bailiff ,I need you to go to the next courtroom, bring that jury here and take this jury to that courtroom!😎

  8. Yes, it was a good finishing line, but I want to give Jeffries credit for the whole speech. Let's elect more people who care about democracy to run our democracies. ✊ And if they can be well spoken and quote hip hop while they do it, that's a bonus.

  9. Mitch McConnell on a poster with only tighty whities underwear and black socks on….hmmm , what a man , what a man .

  10. Reporters please grade the Senators individually on their attentiveness and impartial conduct, by name please. We're gonna need that come November. Because if my boss saw me sleeping or not paying attention in an important meeting, no matter how grueling, you'd better believe I'd be called to account for it afterwards.

  11. Oh Trevor! You made me so ok with thought of being at war last month. I used no Valium.
    Your hairline is spirited and your impression of trump is superior when compared to Colbert. I do like Colbert tho..
    but I just wanna let you know, you Cornbread colored South African DE-light- that you rock my world. If you don’t know now you know.

    … nigga

  12. I am gonna let Trevor give me all the updates i need instead of watching the actual boring impeachment #trevpeacment

  13. Let's all rejoice In A laugh. As we swallow. Take a big gulp satire will never bring back your freedoms. One world

  14. I keep thinking that the most satisfying outcome of all this would resemble the defeat of Pennywise in the last IT movie. I guess because Trump is an evil clown too.

  15. Sekulow: "Are we here coz of a phone call?" 🤔

    Schiff: "We can also talk about emoluments or campaign finance violations if you'd like." 😎

    PAB45 pretending like he doesn't talk shit about other world leaders via tweets. 😴

  16. they should let roy run the house, he will have it done in no time. And afterwards he drag that Peachhead out of the whitehouse himself. #royforprez

  17. I like to think that the "If you don't know, now you know"-quote was a reference to the musical Hamilton (by Lin Manuel Miranda) using Biggie's lyrics in the song Cabinet Battle #2:

    He knows nothing of loyalty

    Smells like new money, dresses like fake royalty

    Desperate to rise above his station

    Everything he does betrays the ideals of our nation

    Ooh

    Hey, and if ya don't know, now ya know, Mister President

  18. Make America Great Again …Vote for Trump!2020 Election is just as transparent as the “Impeachment Trial” He comes out on TOP for sure #Rollin’ with my MF Strap on the side O’ ME!

  19. When the National Security excuse is used by a President who’s said out loud why he’s a National Security Risk 😂

  20. Brilliant news piece Trevor highlighted. When they said the jurors could only have water or milk they actually showed a split-screen of a glass of water next to a glass of milk. I guess getting them together in the same room was too cost-prohibitive.

  21. Back in the 90s, Rappers where considered crooked gangsters, now your president is…
    So it is more then fitting to quote 90s Rap in his impreachment trial…

  22. ♥️♥️♥️♥️🤣🤣🤣🤣watched B.I.G. quote over and over. Made my day brought lots of joy 🥰🤣

  23. Congressman Hakeem Jeffries not only quoted biggie but he also quoted panic at the disco as well. * if you don’t know now you know * was also used in a song called The emperors new clothes by panic in the disco!

  24. What if 100 years from now some of the only evidence of this impeachment is that commercial making its satirical qualities hard to distinguish

  25. You are complaining about people sleeping on the floor o the house, have you seen Kenyan Parliamentarians? It is like they don't own a bed.

  26. Trevor seems to have forgotten he too has a segment called "If you don't know, now you know." which is what I thought he was quoting from.

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