Unlikely lines from kids’ film and TV shows. (AS PAUL CHUCKLE) “To me!” Yes, Piglet, I know you’ve been playing with Pooh in the woods, ’cause you stink and it’s all over your hands. The Brave Little Toaster’s owner was about to take him on his wildest adventure yet. All the way to the Brave Little Bath. (HIGH-PITCHED GIBBERISH NOISES) …said Pingu. “Sorry,” said his mother. “What the fuck are you talking about?” This is Blue Peter, and I think we can all agree we should have taken him to a hospital by now. Oh, look! It’s the Teletubbies, or as they’re otherwise known, the fat family from Gogglebox. Thomas the Tank Engine was happy. He’d joined Thameslink and hadn’t had to do anything for over a month. It’s the family with eleven fingers and twelve toes! Yes, it’s the Inbred-ibles! So it turns out “flowerpot men” is no longer politically correct, and they will be henceforth known as Bill and Ben, the Gays. Buzz, something’s wrong with Woody! I just keep pulling the string on his back and he keeps going, ♪ White people! ♪ “Up next, In the Night Garden.” “Can you stop calling it that? It really puts me off.” Kung Fu Panda. The least racist hero of all time, as he is black AND white AND Asian. “ET send nudes.” Look! Bagpuss has been updated. Now he’s Dyson Bagless Puss. “But Quasimodo, what makes you think you need to see a back doctor?” “Uh, I have a hunch.” Harry Potter, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is I’m pregnant, the good news is I’ve learnt the Abortus spell! That won’t go in. That definitely won’t go in. Nah, I’m Willy Wonga. £10,000 or I take your piano. (AS BATMAN) “Robin, do you know if Alfred has a charger for an iPhone 8?” The Adventures of Low Batt-man. What is Peter Rabbit doing in the garden? Mummy was sure she’d left him in her bedroom drawer! Spongebob went to the Crab Shack and met up with all his spongy mates, and they could all agree that Contraceptive Sponge had had the worst day. This week on Paw Patrol: Rocky gets hit by a car, and the driver has to finish him off with a rolled up A-Z.