What not to do at the Cinema

What not to do at the Cinema


Hey guys! So, I like going to the cinema. I go quite a lot. In fact, I can actually see my nearest cinema from my bedroom window. Please don’t stalk me. Anyways, so I was thinking about the various experiences that I’ve had at the cinema recently, and I thought I’d share some of them with you. And I’d also like to know if any of you guys feel the same way. Now I love popcorn. A lot. And even though as a kid I used to try to sneak my own sweets in, which went something like, Younger Dan: Hmm, how to sneak this Pepsi into the cinema without them noticing… Haha! Those idiots won’t suspect a thing! Dan: I always buy popcorn. Yet I hate it when people are too noisy, like, a little bit of rustling is fine, but when it’s the quiet, emotional part of the film, and then someone’s just completely obliviously going, (loud smacking sounds and popcorn bag rustling Dan: But this is the thing, I will go to greatly inconvenient lengths to not be someone who does this. So when it gets to the emotional part, and I accidentally find myself with a horrifically large mouthful of popcorn… Movie: No…no…WHY?! Dan: I kinda just leave it in my mouth, and then suck on it silently, so that it slowly and quietly turns into a sugary mush that I can then subtly swallow. …Am I the only one who does this? But crisps, there is no way you can get away with it. No. No. Just no! But this isn’t as bad as the other day, where I reserved a seat, and someone was sitting in it. So I was running a bit late, the film was about to start, we walk into the middle of the aisle, and then sitting in the premium seats that me and my friends had booked, were an extremely fat middle aged couple, whose shopping bags and coats were taking up the next two seats either side of them. Now, my friend Phil doesn’t like public conflict, but when this lady looked up at me like, “There, young whippersnappers… Stupid teenagers, what knife crime vandalism are they planning next?” Shit was gonna go down! And this was pretty much a completely empty cinema, rows and rows of free seats we could of sat in, so my friend looks at me like, Friend: Oh, don’t bother, man, let’s just sit somewhere else. Dan: But that wasn’t the point, it was the principle! Now, I’m aware I’ve painted a picture of myself on here as someone who is quite often prone to doing completely inexplicable, awkward things, but at the same time, I am quite confident and outgoing, so…I had no problem going, Dan: Uh, excuse me. Person: Wot. Dan: Uh, you’re, um…sitting in our seats. Person: Wot? Dan: Uh, yup, that’s seats 12, 13, and 14. Person: …you actually want us to—? Dan: Oh yeah. Begin the very awkward 20 seconds of shuffling past… It was worth it. …So yeah, that happened. Also, I am not afraid to shush people. Not that I’m some cinema Nazi, but if people are being really loud… I will shush. And this seems to be, like, one of those extreme things that people would never do… But a while back, when I saw We Need To Talk About Kevin, it was just me, my friend, and four women sat directly in front of us. That was it. And they’d be nattering all the way through the adverts, which was fine, but when the film started, the beautiful, emotional start to the film, and they were still going, (imitates feminine cackling) I went, “SHHHH! Now the thing was, as we were literally the only other people in the room, it wasn’t as anonymous as it could’ve been. Especially for my friend, who was like, Friend: You did not just do that! Oh my god, oh my god, I don’t know you, I don’t know you. Dan: Or the gang of annoying 10-year-old boys, that were in front of me when I went to see The Woman In Black the other day. I was sitting there, in my appreciation of fine cinema mindset, and they were SO LOUD! And they kept laughing when it was supposed to be suspenseful… And I was so ticked off, I was seriously considering throwing my drink at their heads, like, I was actually about to, when an old lady, who was sat in front of them, turned around and shouted, “Excuse me! Do you know you’re in a film?!” And I was like, “Fuck yeah, go Grandma, you show those kids, unh!” And they shut up. Like, I’m a nice, friendly, extremely unintimidating polite guy, I just guess some things irk me. Like stupid people. Now, I’m not being mean, I just mean really, REALLY stupid people. Who have working voice boxes. Now, some of you may remember this from when I tweeted it, but when I was watching Paranormal Activity 3, there were these two girls sat in front of me, and they were the most tremendously dense people I have ever seen. And this is what I overheard. Movie Person: Say happy birthday, sis! Stupid Girl #1: So are they sisters? Stupid Girl #2: I dunno, I think so. Movie Person: So you’re okay with babysitting the kids tonight? Other Movie Person: Oh, yeah, yeah, that should be fine. Stupid Girl #1: I don’t get it. Stupid Girl #2: Wot? Stupid Girl #1: Is she her babysitter? Stupid Girl #2: I dunno, I think so. Stupid Girl #2: Oh my god. Stupid Girl #1: I don’t get it, what’s happening? Stupid Girl #2: She’s being possessed, innit? Stupid Girl #1: What’s that mean? Stupid Girl #2: The ghost has possessed her! Stupid Girl #1: Yeah, wh-wh-what does that mean? Movie Person: Hey, so how’d ya like the new camera? Yeah, I think this’ll be good at catching it. Stupid Girl #1: I don’t get it, why’s he filming everything? Stupid Girl #2: I dunno. Dan: Are you joking? WHAT? PLEASE don’t procreate, just end your genetic line now. PLEASE. Or people who text in films. Like, I remember this one girl, during Avatar, And I was like, “You paid, like, a million quid to watch Avatar in 3D for four hours, and you’re sat there on BBM? Just glowin’ up the whole room?” What the fuck? WHAT? So, like, I don’t know. Is it just me with all these things, or do you guys have any funny cinema stories? You can tell me in the comments, or you can leave a video response if you’re old school. And I will see you guys soon. Ciao!

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  1. this little kid kept kicking my seat in the cinema and I looked behind me and i said "stop." then the kid kept doing it I told my mom and she looked at the parent and said "Hi can you please tell you kid to stop kicking the fucking seat, thanks." then they walked out of the cinema… I AM NOT ASHAMED

  2. One time when I went to the movies I left my stuffed puppy at my seat and I cried to my mom "mom I forgot my puppy!"
    And we had to go back to get it yeah

  3. I'm currently in a cinema but my phone screen is dimmed so I'm not disturbing anyone. I'm about to watch Avengers: Endgame.

  4. I saw La Llorona the other day and after shhhhhhhhhhsing a huge group of drunk people three times they kept yelling and someone seemed to be narrating the movie. I go so fed up i literally went to to stand up and my friend had to pull me back in my seat. Oops.

  5. This has literally nothing to do with the video, but I'm so awkward that on day, during my piano lessons, my teacher accidentally brushed with his hand my pinky and I got scared

  6. I went to the cinema and I shouted FUCK,but ohhhhhhhh kids and there mum walked in and I was by my self in there the kids said"mum whay dose fuck mean??? " the mother said" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WHO SAID FUCK THEY ARE A GOD, THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

  7. Once i went to see two movies back to back and on the ticket it said movie name and movie name and the people behind us GOT UP AND LEFT at the end of the first movie as they thought there was only one movie but the worst bit was that they complained about the price not so subltly as they left! I couldn't stop talking about them on the wat home. Also a little kid behind me kept kicking my chair and screaming!

  8. I nearly choked to death when I went to see the most recent pirates of the Carribbean with my mate Craig and he didn't even notice

  9. "watching Avatar in 3D" "that time we kissed in those 3D glasses at Avatar" "remember that time when we saw Avatar in 3D" what a significant time in their lives i see wink wonk

  10. one time i was in the movie theater and well there was one cingular girl sitting next to her boyfriend and she moaned so loud it was heard in the theater right next to it i was 5

  11. One time a little kid cry…. because his parents forgot to was his butt (in my opinion from what I saw)

  12. I vaguely remember this incident:

    I remember after my family and I went to a theater and watched Megamind, we were getting ready to leave. When I was walking towards the exit to the auditorium, a sick girl VOMITED ALL OVER ME! I was dressed pretty fancy because we would be going to visit a relative, so you can imagine how pissed I was.

  13. Well, someone told me I was sitting in their seat, and i realized i was in the wrong row, so I tried stepping over the chairs and literally dived head-first over the chairs in the next row.

  14. Avengers ENDGAME AND SOME DUDE WAS ON FUCKING SNAPCHAT LIKE WHAT THE FUCK CAN U NOT (also I love u dan I’m so proud) BUT WHAT THE FUCK

  15. Your friend is me “ OMG I DONT KNOW YOU I DONT KNOW YOU OMG!!!” I actually do this when someone confronts someone, or dose something stupid or embarrassing lol

  16. soo im short and half the time i go to the cinema without fail some super tall adult sits in front of me forcing me to find a new seat cause im to socially akward to tell him to move cause i was here first and i cant see

  17. Omfg Dan is actually that person at the cinema. He’d hate me. I laugh and text all the time I’m dying 😂

  18. I’m the worst person to watch a film with. I cried so much during Infinity War. I cried 15 times in EndGame. I cry all the time.

  19. My cousin dated a girl who's mom would accompany them to the theater and would bring sandwich ingredients to she can assemble them DURING the film. Now we have "pass the salami" in the most NY Italian accent as an inside joke.

  20. I went to see a production of Les Mis and there was a man and a woman sitting in front of me. The woman was clearly familiar with the story and characters and the man was oblivious to everything. This was my first time experiencing any form of Les Mis and I found it quite easy to follow, but the man did not. He kept on asking the woman next to him who was who and the only reason he didn’t know was because he was not paying attention to the show. If he stopped asking questions every 10 seconds then he would be able to follow.

  21. Once we were in the middle of watching a film when it turned off and the lights turned on and a screen said "Were having technical difficulties." Or something like that on the screen. We were all about to leave when it started up again.

  22. So I went to see pirates with some people, and me and my friends are all alternative (goth, emo, metal). So there where these obnoxious loud kids who saw us and the whole first half of the movie they threw stuff at us. Cups that still had some liquid in it, popcorn, nacho's everything. They got send out after the first half.

  23. i once went to see a horror movie, and right when someone was about to get killed a woman screamed she couldn't see it. after they killed him she asked "is he dead?" and a guy yelled "yes". turns out there was a twist and the character was alive

  24. I once was one of those people, i was the overdramatic super fan. I was watching endgame and when Cap yelled “AVENGERS” i yelled ASSEMBLE

  25. I was in the cinema with one of my close friends, and about 3 quarters of the way through the movie a kid in the row next to us ( we were right on the side next to the wall) tipped out his entire box of popcorn onto the stairs. Hid dad looked at him and said "why did you do that?" to which the kid replys " i dont want it anymore"

  26. During Endgame, me and my friends were crying during a certain scene (very loudly), and some teenage boy turned around and shushed us. Like no, these people were our freaking childhoods?! No?!

  27. I remember one time I was at a cinema watching Zootopia with my family and at the best bit of the movie I hear this piercing shriek that wasn't actually the movie. I look over and see that this boy who looks about 10…
    He had gotten his hand stuck between the seats. They tried everything. Soap, Brute force, even trying to dismantle the seats. Needless to say, the fire brigade was called. They had to take apart the seats entirely. They had drills and everything, I think (if I remember correctly) there were a few paramedics to make sure he was okay. I really hope he's doing well now..

  28. I actually had the worst movie experience I have ever had when I went to see Avengers: Endgame. This guy about a 1 or 2 seats from me was getting comfortable in his seat and then all of a sudden I smell so potent hits my nose! He had taken his sandals off and had his feet resting on them… I couldnt breathe for a good hour, and this is a 3 hour long movie! At one point I was close to vomiting, and I would've happily done it one those nasty feet, or at least in that direction😠

  29. Anybody who talks during a movie, whether it is inside or outside a movie theater, is the worst kind of human ever.

  30. for the person who sat behind me on the third time I watched endgame,

    why did you eat your popcorn so loud during the last scene tf is wrong with you

  31. He only funny thing I can think of is when I saw Avengers: Infinity War some kid shouted " WAKANDA FOREVER " as soon as Steve, Nat, & Sam got to Wakanda after Nat asked "Where to" & Steve said "Home"
    OR
    When during Endgame SPOILER ALERT Thanos got dusted the guy in front of me shouted "HELL YES!" Before sobbing due to Tony dying

  32. When I was 11 I went to the cinema to see a musical and my sister (who was 10) and I were the only people so we basically lied across the seats, ran around, ect. It was a lot of fun until we realized that we weren't the only people in the theater.

  33. My friend accidentally made me laugh at a movie with a funny face and wouldn’t stop making weird faces and my laughing escalated to full out howling of laughter. I tried SO HARD to stop but couldn’t and felt so guilty I was almost crying and people were yelling at me to shut up. It was an emotional part of the movie 🙁

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