When You’re Not the Smart Kid At School | Dennis Regan | Dry Bar Comedy

When You’re Not the Smart Kid At School | Dennis Regan | Dry Bar Comedy

I appreciate it. It’s a nice
place, nice space you got here. Cool scene, a balcony.
Cool town you live in. My first time here I saw down
the street there was a New York style pizzeria which is kind of
a coincidence because I was in I was in New York and there
was a Provo style pizzeria [ laughter ] Am I pronouncing
it correctly? Pizzeria? Is that how you
say it? I’m curious about this crowd. A little survey by round of
applause. How many and plan on partying all night long tonight
by a round of applause. [ applause ] And how many want to be in bed
by eleven thirty. [ loud applause ] I see I get it. Those are
the same people who got naps this afternoon, right? Two naps, some of you. I got a little nap
this afternoon watch till I fell asleep watching a football game
that I didn’t care too much about. Now you know how is it watching
the game. I was watching the game
of the players was 6’1″ 208 pounds. Which is exactly what I am. I had no idea I was in such
great shape. Might try out for the Broncos
next year, something like that. I was a good athlete when
I was younger. I was a quarterback.
I thought I might make it to the pros a lot of people
thought I might make it to the pros but I blew my
knee out when I was in kindergarten. Just had to switch gears.
Change careers. I remember my first day
of kindergarten I was thinking about it the other day it’s been
a long time but I still remember. Does anybody else remember that? Yeah. You were there?
You were at my first day of kindergarten. That’s right you haven’t changed
a bit. Little bit taller but. You know I remember my mom
she didn’t tell me anything. No I got no… She just said,
she said get in there they’re going to feed you a little
bit later. That’s all she told me.
I didn’t know what was going on. They started teaching
the alphabet. I thought they were reading off
the menu. A is for apple.
No. B is for banana.
Not interested. C is for Cake. Cake. D is for dog. What the heck kind of place
is this. I don’t want to eat dog. E is for elephant I don’t
want that either. I know the answer to the first
question I was kind of scared.
I just sat there quiet The teacher asked me a question
I just sat there scared and she came up and
started screaming at me The first day she’s going, “Are
you, are you dense?” Just tell us are you
dense or what?” I said, “It’s pronounced Dennis. Get it right.” Then at the end of the day
there’s an announcement over the loudspeaker said all
pedestrians get to leave five minutes early. The teacher
comes up says, “Dennis you’re a pedestrian aren’t you?”
I said, “No I’m not. I’m a a Catholic but if I can get out
five minutes early I’ll convert to pedestrianism.” I will convert I didn’t like school.
I never liked school. I didn’t do that well in school.
I was kind of a slow reader. You might be a slow reader and
you don’t even know. This is how I can tell tell if
you are when you go to the movies and the film begins
with like that written description of what happened in
the past. Do you get like a little
anxiety attack? ‘Cause you don’t know how long
it’s going to be up there. Like at home if you rent the
movie you’ll put it on pause. I might even rewind this one
and read it all over again. You know Star Wars they begin,
it begins like that but that’s the rolling words where
everybody’s going, “Oh man I’m not getting any of this. A long time ago,
another galaxy there was some
space people or something.” I could never read all
the books I was given to read in class. I was always taking those tests
on books I haven’t even read. The teacher wants to know
if you read the books. She’d ask questions like, “Who
helped Tom build the canoe?” We’ll try for partial
credit here. How about Tom’s friend. I’m sure Tom had a
friend in the book. Why wouldn’t you help
them build the canoe? If he was a good friend he would
have helped him out. I love taking tests.
You remember stuff like this? Who won the Peloponnesian War? The Peloponnesian people. The people of Peloponnesia. You know what else am I going
to put. One time as a little kid I got
an F on my report card and I changed it before I got home. I was stupid. I got caught. I should’ve just changed it to a
B but I changed to an F+. [ laughter ] Tried to pull my average
up a little bit. VO: Subscribe to Dry Bar Comedy VO: for even more of the world’s largest
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  1. Utah crowds are the shittiest crowds on earth. Utah in general is the shittiest place on earth. Iraq is a close second.

  2. The joke about the alphabet being a menu got me so badly. I was physically debilitated for several moments.

  3. man im laughing so hard—im a slower reader and whenever Star Wars came out I would have a slight panic hoping I can read it fast enough XD

  4. Ooh my gosh. I love Zoltan Kaszas but this guy had me laughing a lot. Going to check out his whole show

  5. He's quietly funny, kind of like the older guy at the office who's quick with a line or a comeback in a meeting.

  6. Would love to be at the thanksgiving table with Dennis and Brian. My stomach would be hurting. Not from eating, by laughing.

  7. I was watching this video randomly and was thinking he delivered just like Brian Regan.. Looked at the name and found out why haha

  8. You are a natural comedian – your material is a product of a person with a genuine sense of humor. We can all relate to the situations upon which you comment. I am glad we found you on the Mike Huckabee show – we are now a part of your fan base.
    Thank you for making us laugh.

  9. I remember when it was Christmas when I was in kindergarten. (I was used to going to school by then. I was in pre-k 3 and pre-k 4) For Christmas, they put a lot of random school supplies on 4 tables and each kid got to pick something from 2 tables and then take a picture with Santa. I picked scissors and a pencil or pen. Lol. I think I still have the picture, Christmas tree ornament I made my mom.

  10. Thanks for this! I needed to laugh just now and needed just this kind of humor.
    King of Queens. No wonder I'm having a terrific laugh. Great material, brilliant delivery. The kindergarten thing almost too close to home but, as did he, I (mostly) survived it.

  11. I changed one of my F grades to an E for excellent but my mom didn’t buy it.
    Probably should’ve used red ink like my teacher did. 🤷🏼‍♀️

  12. So wanna be sitting at the Thanksgiving table with Brian and Dennis. Probably wouldn't get a lot of eating done!

  13. You can tell that's Brian Regan's brother he sometimes has the same facial expression and phrasing. Or am I wrong?

  14. I'm not a slow reader but any time I watch a movie with subtitles or written stuff on screen I just miss about 55% of what's on it. I'm like "c'mon!" I'm here to RELAX and deactivate my brain a bit. I don't want to be on high alert waiting for the next screen of text to pop up for 1.3seconds and then having to read 73 words on it…

  15. Im sure this is somewhere in the comments but is he related to Brian Regan? Reminds me of him in many ways, not just the name

  16. LOL. my uncle took tests similar to Dennis. His answer to the question: "What is the name of the passage that connects the middle ear to the eardrum? " answer: "The Earie (Eerie) Canal"

  17. When my kindergarten teacher started teaching the alphabet she was pointing to picture cards like, "A is for Apple. Everyone say 'A. Apple.'" I stood up and walked in front of the door which had a bunch of school flyers on it. She asked what was I doing. I said reading this paper. She said, "Oh really? What does it say?" I said, "Attention all staff: Faculty meeting Tuesday at 6 PM in the cafeteria. Please bring your lesson plans…" And she stopped me and said thank you.

    My parents had told them I could read already but they insisted on putting me in kindergarten because of my age. The teacher told the principal and I got skipped up to 1st grade the next day.

  18. Sounds just like his brother haha and i love how they're polar opposites on stage. Brian is loud and SUPER animated with everything and makes ridiculous faces, while Dennis slowly paces on stage and his voice stays the same octave at all times 😂 they're both so hilarious

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