Zoltan Kaszas on why cats are better than dogs – Dry Bar Comedy

Zoltan Kaszas on why cats are better than dogs – Dry Bar Comedy


I really am a boring person when I’m home. I just hang out at the house. I hang out with my cat I got a cat named Jessica (audience chuckles) Thank you. I’m a cat person, are there any other cat people out there? (some audience members cheer) Got some cat people here nice. I’m guessing the rest of you are dog people is that what it is yeah? (audience cheers) Yeah, I’m not anti dog , you know, every time I tell someone I’m a cat person What does that mean? You don’t like dogs? No, that’s not what that means it just means. I like other people’s dogs (laughter) I like dogs. I just like them over there and I’ll play with them, but then go back over there I don’t like that kind of energy in my house You know what I mean that annoying dog best friend in your face all the time energy, just like “YEEAAAAHH!” “I LOVE YOU HAHAHAHA!” “YOU’RE HOME WHERE’VE YOU BEEN??? NYAHAHAHAHAH!!” It creeps me out. I don’t care for that I don’t like that at all, just in your face like “YOU WANNA GO OUT?? THERE’S A TREE!” “I KNOW THIS TREE! YOU WANNA HANG OUT AT THIS TREE?? WHAT IF I JUST KEEP BREATHING INTO YOUR FACE? HAHAHAHAHA!” EEugh All the time? No thank you That’s why I like cats cats more like “Hey, what are you up to? Nevermind I just remembered. I don’t care” “I’ll be in the kitchen, I’ll see you later.” I Like that. I don’t need a best friend at the house. I just need like an apathetic roommate That sometimes wants to hang out Like a dog you can pet a dog’s belly all day. They’ll never get tired of it Just all day just like “Yeah, man. Never stop. You’re the best! HAHAHAHA!” Hopefully not that creepy, but you get the idea A cat you can pet for what two, maybe three seconds since it’s like “All right get away from me.” “I got my own things going on, I got a pile of clean laundry to lay on, get away from me.” That’s what my cat does it waits for the pile of clean laundry We haven’t folded yet, and just rubs on it while making eye contact. Just like “Mm-hmm.” “Everyone’s gonna know.” So bothersome My wife, she has a new hobby, she’s really into special needs animals. I don’t know if that’s made its way out here in Provo If you don’t know what special needs animals. They’re animals, they have special needs (audience laughs) That is all There’s this one, Oscar the blind cat, it was a cat That was born without any eyes, and they have a like page on Facebook and my wife goes on there every day and cries And that’s what she does for fun. That’s what she does for a good time, and it’s weird cuz I come home And she’s just on the computer (crying noises) And you know me being a guy I was thinking something I did And then she goes no, and then she turns the computer and it’s Oscar the blind cat “Look at Oscar.” And he’s adorable he has no eyes (whimper) and I’m like (mournful sigh) And she goes “I want a special-needs animal, I want one.” I’m like “You don’t ask for one you get bestowed one. Cuz I don’t know. What do you you can’t just go to the pound be like “Hey, hey, what do you have in the back?” like that’s not how that works “I need like a three-legged dog or a cat with something. What do you have?” You can’t do that You know we got Jessica at the pound, that’s where we got Jessica, and we didn’t name her Jessica They named her at the pound and people always ask. Why don’t you change your name cuz that’s wrong. You don’t change someone’s name That’s rude like if you adopt a kid from another country. You can’t just be like “Yep can’t pronounce that your name’s Jeff now.” That’s rude. You learn that person’s name so I got a cat named Jessica Very much your thing Jessica’s overweight she weighs more than she should for a cat Which sucks cuz when people come over no one blames the cat in that scenario You know what I mean no one comes over and goes what happened here, sweetheart a little heavy on the carbs?
No They look at you, and they go what’d you do to her? And that’s not fair cuz I try we have the laser pointer. I got the stick with the feather I’m always running around my house “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s get the cardio going” She’s not that into it, my wife and I we bought diet formula kibble They make diet formula kibble, and they have rules just one cup per day cuz you’re on a diet Jessica We tried But then at 2:00 in the morning Jessica would come into our bedroom at night climb onto our bed and then stand on my head Twenty two and a half pounds of her you guys on my skull and she would come down into my ear and just go “MEEEEEEEERRRRRR, MEEEEEEEEERRR” and I’m like “Yeah, you’re right this diet is over. I had no idea that’s how you felt about it. I apologize.” “I’m getting up right now and cooking you some bacon. Let’s get after it.” (audience claps) I don’t have any children But if I’m out in public and I see a parent of an overweight child I make eye Contact and I go “I get it. “Does the little fella standing on your head at night and scream in your ear?” “I get it give him what he wants, we need our sleep.” My wife and I we sleep on a memory foam mattress That’s what we say, but anyone else here rockin the memory foam mattress? It’s the best mattress in the world It’s most comfortable is it not? It’s the best, that mattress is made for sleeping and sleeping only Don’t do anything else on my mattress, it was not created for that That is not why scientists came together just make for resting comfortably and that is it I know cuz we tried and it sucks every time. It’s like trying to wrestle in quicksand It is the worst you just start sinking in slowly (audience laughing) “Stay calm, stay calm! Just try to get your leg out just breathe keep your eyes open!” “Keep your eyes on the horizon try to get your leg out, get your leg out! I’m gonna get some help, Jessica!” “We need some help!” But she can’t help, she just stands on our backs and pushes us in further Subscribe to drive our comedy for even more of the world’s largest collection of clean comedy

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  1. I have a blind cat and a cat who has only half her jaw and I wouldn't call them special need cats. They can do all the things an abled cat can do, they just have to be indoor cats. That's all.
    Oh and the blind cat obviously can't jump too high but I don't need to give them special attention or anything that wouldn't also an abled cat get from me.

    Edit: the cat in my Profil Pic is my blind cat 🤭

  2. I have been saying for most of my life that I like Other People's Dogs. Dogs that I can pet..and then send them home. Dogs are cool, in the short term. For like…ten minutes, tops. Then they become an overwhelming presence that I don't need.

  3. Yeah, normally I agree with not changing names but my cat would have been named Thora if I kept the name the shelter gave her. I'm not naming my cat after a Marvel character. 😂 FYI they thought she was a boy at first so they were going to go with Thor but when they saw she was a girl they added an A.

  4. I love cats. They're independent and not clingy or needy. Everything is on their terms. I have a cat with one eye and I named him Pirate. He is the best cat I've ever had! ❤🐈

  5. My cat was named Calli when I found her at the pound. Too much like my name so now her name is Lily. She seems to like it. She did answer to my ex for the first months when he would say my name. Pretty funny. She's the only cat I've had that will go up to people when her name is called.

  6. I changed both my cats' names. When I got them, one was called Sophie and the other one was called Squash. I don't like giving animals people names, because it's weird, and I don't like French names either way, so I changed her name. Then when I got my other cat, I thought that Squash was ridiculous and not a good name for a cat, so I gave her a better one. It wasn't like they ever learned the old ones, and they both know the names I gave them, and respond when they feel like it. They're now Growler and Monster, respectively.

  7. He's hilarious!! Cats are just as he said! They don't care about being our friends (unless they're starving). They lie on our clean clothes (not the dirty ones in the hamper). They see you on your Tablet and Wil LIE DOWN ON IT COVERING YOUR SCREEN or see you on your Laptop/Desktop Computer and they will LIE DOWN DIRECTLY ONTO THE KEYBOARD or WALK ACROSS THE KEYBOARD MAKING ALL SORTS OF CRAZY STUFF HAPPEN ON YOUR MONITOR. They usually don't want to play when you feel like it but YOU MUST BE WILLING TO PLAY WHEN THEY WANT YOU TO. 🤣

    Now that I've read my own comment, I'm wondering: "Why do we even BOTHER with Cats, ANYWAY??" 🤔

  8. Dogs crave attention. The reason why so many are always 'in your face' is cause people unknowingly encourage such behaviour by giving the dog affection by doing "wrong" things like jumping on you when you come home. Giving a dog affection while it jumps on you when you come through your door tells him that it's okay to do that. You stop petting that dog and ignore him as soon as he jumps on you and he'll stop. Once he stops then you give him affection. If he jumps again you stop and ignore him immediately til he stops jumping. Once he stops again, give him affection but ONLY when he stops and is sitting. Dogs are definitely high maintenance. Cats are alright if they don't act like total dipshits lmao

  9. Loved his routine but even better is looking at the comments at people fighting about whether dogs or cats are better. When in reality? It doesn’t matter. As long as you’re not abusing an animal who what you’ve got at home?

  10. My cat’s name is ROGUE, he is a rescued cat, black, yellow eyes, mix main coon . I never liked that name, so I found myself calling him with different names as he is growing older. I started with Neenee, Neenou, Geegee, roguee, bee boo, . My husband calls him Roguee , stinky cat, smelly cat. My cat will only respond to French command ( I am from France) if I want the cat to do something. It drives my husband crazy. My cat loves Norwegian soft music a( Morten Harket) and loves Star Trek, especially mr Spock 🖖, like his mom.

  11. My cat's also heavier than she needs to be and I just feed her twice a day. But it's that much harder when she walks around at night meowing for more food. The struggle is real!

  12. This is the kind of hard hitting comedy that I’ve come to expect. Really makes you think and challenges social norms. Not afraid to tell it like it is. Cats… better than dogs.

  13. cats are TRUE givers of unconditional, devoted,
    faithful love..without expecting anything in return.
    TRULY with NO motive or agenda such as being
    fed,taken for walks,being fed,cleaned up
    after,being fed non stop,demanding attention by
    jumping all over you,(did i mention being
    constantly fed?)and being annoyingly persistent
    to their"meal tickets and providers"to do ALL that
    hey badger them to by barking at them repeatedly..
    THAT'S the big difference between cats and ANY
    other creature .. a cat LOVES for THAT reason alone..
    and NOT because the cat's owner is the provider of
    needed resources such as food,shelter,a warm bed,etc
    ( MY personal observation anyway)

  14. The reason why I like cats is because they literally have the exact same personality as me, we get along xD

    I don't hate dogs, I just feel like the personalities don't match with me, because too much energy around me constantly stresses me out. I need down time. Cats have down time, but they also snuggle cuddle, and will play and be curious, so its the perfect fit for me. 🙂 When I see a cat I literally understand them, I have no idea why lol.

  15. Not all dogs are like most dogs I had where chill and playful perfect balance except for one she’s very needy haha

  16. My sister swore her cat was super affectionate, so one day I'm visiting and her cat is going back and forth rubbing against my leg, so I do what any sane person would think the cat wanted, and pick her up. As soon as the cat gets up to chest level it lunges bites me in the lip, drawing blood. Cats are crazy.

  17. I have dogs but I have nothing against cats, both have good and bad qualitys. For example some dogs bark for no reason, cats(probably not all) tend to scratch furniture

  18. haaaa ;D))) OMG he is really darkly funny. He makes you laugh out loud only the way a friend can ;D and that HAIR man !!! to die forrr

  19. when i was little and one of my parents were going out id be like "where you goin??" and theyd say "goin to see a man about a 3 legged dog"

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